What I really need

So I have realized one of my biggest problems, and its sad that it took me so long to realize this. I find myself falling for guys a lot and before now I didnt realize why I would fall for someone only to be hurt. Its my want to fit in. But now that I know this maybe I will not get so hurt so often. See today, thanks to my brother, I realized that the only people that I absolutely need right now are my family. Yes, my friends are important too but my family is the most important. I hope that one day I will find the right guy and that I will hold on to him. See another problem of mine is that I find guys that really like me and we will go out but soon after we start "going out" I realize that they aren't the ones for me so I dump them. This has happened twice in the past year. I dont know why but I get scared off too easily. Yea, this is a flaw of mine but its something that I am going to learn to deal with and hopefully this WONT keep me from someone that I really love. But until then I guess those who I date will have to live with my flaws and hopeiflly one day I wont get scared of the one who really matters. So til next time....
Jessie

Almost 1 year anniversary

So as I am writing this blog I am remembering all that has happened in the almost year that has gone by since I created this. In the past year I have:
Liked many people
Had 1 (yes 1) relationship ( and it lasted all of a week and a half)
Missed the ones that I grew up with
Cried Several times
Been called a stalker
Gotten addicted to Myspace
But as I say some of the big things that have happened in the past year. The thing that is on my mind is something that has happened within the last month. See I had fallen for another guy. I apparently do this quite often and quite hard. And as of yesterday he has a girlfriend. This really shocked me. See I thought that I might actually have a chance with this guy. The main reason behind my thinking was that he was older than me. So I thought that this was my chance to really have a good relationship. See I have only had 2 real relationships in my life and only one kiss, but that is besides the point. The point is that with both relationships I was the older person. This doesnt really bother me but when I found this new guy, lets call him KS I was happy at the thought of maybe having a relationship with him. I think that I really had deep feelings for him. I thought of him differently than I had other guys that I have liked.

I guess this post is just for me to get some hard feelings out, though that is often the base upon which I write.

I do realize that one day I will hopefuly find my prince charming. This is not quite the thing that I want to think about. Like some of my close friends, I want a person to love me now. Someone that will hold me and be there for me. I have great friends and a great family but its just not the same. For all the girls out there that are 16 and over and havent really had a good relationship yet. Hang in there, we will all get our chance someday. Our peak is NOT in high school. Our peak is later in life, when its much more rewarding. Hope that I have inspired someone and right now some comments would sure cheer me up!! So til next time.....
Jessie

Delirious

Hey everyone heres a new poem, lately ive been inspired i guess. Life is pretty great. Ill let you all know more as the days go by! So here goes:
Talking to you is amazing
it makes my heart start ablazing
you melt my heart and soul
especially when you call me beautiful
it brightens my day
no matter what you say
you call me your beautiful angel
and it leaves my feelings in a tangle
ive never been called anything like that
it makes me feel warm and fuzzy, like a cat
everything you say makes me smile
so much so that i feel like a child
anytime i think of you i get butterflies
you make me feel like im flying high
i dont care about what you have done
even if you have been shunned
as long as you dont lie to me
we can be together happily
you make me feel delirious
when im around you, my Mr. Mysterious

Ok thats it for now. Til next time....
Jessie

Another Poem

This is a poem that I wrote a while ago but I wanted to share it.
Sadness

Im all dressed in white
though the top is a little tight
ive been sitting here for quite a while
my mouth making a small smile
everybodys crying
and i feel like im flying
i see my mom
but i cant tell whats wrong
i want to ask her
but i cant find the words
look, theres dad
why is he so sad?
i dont understand
was this all planned?
whats wrong with me?
didnt anyone hear my plea?
i couldnt breathe
I was huffin' and puffin'
but no one could see
now im dead, in a coffin
all because i was raped and beaten
now my friends and family are all weeping

A serious subject, I know but its something thats in our world and we shouldnt jsut tun our backs.. Til next time

New Poem

Hey everyone. Here is a poem that I wrote for fun. I was trying to thin of a subject and marriage just came to me. Sad, I know but it kept me busy!! So here it is...

THe Happiest Day of My life?

why is everyone so happy
when i feel so crappy
its supposed to b the happiest day of my life
so why am i not seeing the light
whats wrong with me
why do i want to flee
i think i love him
but why am i so scared
im walking down the aisle now
everyone is smiling
maybe its the right choice
then i hear his voice
and all my fears go away
i know now this is where im going to stay
we say our vows
we're husband and wife now
and forever we will be
until death do us part
whenever that may be
a perfect ending
to a shaky beginning
it took us a while
and it all started with a smile
we were both suffering from broken hearts
but it was a good place to start
we werent looking for a relationship
but we found that and so much more
this man is my life
and when im with him everything else dissolves

Living Life

Its important to live your life. This is something that took me a while to figure out. I have gotten to the point where I'm not hung up on a guy but I am happy. I have known for a long time, thanks to my mom that I dont NEED a guy, I just have always wanted one. Now, it has gotten to the point now where I dont really want a guy. I suppose thats the wrong way to say it, let me explain. I will always WANT a guy but at the moment I am content with life and I am not LOOKING for a guy. Not that I was ever good at looking for them before, but thats a different story. Anyway, life is good. People have to realize that just because you want something to happen doesnt mean that it will. I think that once you come to terms with that, then you are able to live your life. This is the point when life becomes fun! So for all those who have broken hearts and those who havent gotten the chance at a relationship. I consider a real, good relationship more than a month, that may be wrong but for me thats what it is. So til next time, I hope I have inspired some people to live their life...
Jessie

Dont you hate being sick?

Well I have been sick for almost a week now and it really sucks. Right now I'm trying to get some homework done but its just not happening. Also at this very moment people are putting tile in my room. Is it called installing? I dont know but oh well. So Ive heard from my friend in Israel yesterday and today after like 3 months of no communication at all. So I am glad that he has finally checked his email. I bought a new CD playerfor my car thats exciting. Really, and I am going to have a friend install it tomorrow. Well I think im going to go read a book or write a poem. Til next time....
Jessie

Being able to talk

Well first I to thank a friend for being there when I needed to talk. It wasnt a long conversation and I dont know if they got anything out of it but they need to know that it was a talk that I needed to have. So thanks Justin. Ok I guess my life isnt terrible right now but it is kinda weird. I find myself thinking long and hard about a frienship that I have had for a long time. I want to be there for all of my friends but its kinda hard when they arent always there for me and when they are doing stuff that I dont like or things that I dont understand. Man I cant wait for high school and all the drama from it is over. I guess all of this could be because I am sick so I have been sitting around doing nothing in particular.
On a lighter note. I went to Big Blue Midnight Madness on Friday night. It was a lot of fun. Something that I have wanted to do for a while.
Well everyone, it think I'm done venting here, so til next time....
Jessie

Telling the Truth

This is not meant towards anyone in particular but it was just something that I was thinking about today. I wish that people would always tell the truth AND not contridict themselves. Like if you believe in something then you dont need to do something that contridicts what you believe in. The best example I can think of is God people who believe in God and then they go and ave sex with their significant other. Isnt pre-marital sex like against the Bible? See I dont know all my facts because I'm not a religious person but it seems to me that all those people who want to convert me have said that pre-marital sex is against religion in general. So i completely and totally hate it when people who supposedly believe in God and are his devout followers go and do something that they teach is wrong. This isnt just one thing that I have just happened accross, I'm just now venting about it. Another thing that I hate is when people lie. If I ask you a question I want you to answer it honestly. Ok so I think thats it, my rant for the day. Til next time everyone...

Understanding

Well first thing is first. Life at the moment is going ok. My grandma is now home and doing pretty good. They didnt discover anything truly bad except for her eating habits.
Theres just one thing that I really want to touch on today and so here it is...Bear with me.
People keep telling me that I dont understand what they are talking about but what they need to know is that I understand more than they know. I know about commitment and loss and love, boy do i kbow about love. (Another story) I am a pretty easy person get along with but I dont like to be told that I dont understand. So this is me: I am a person with feelings and they get hurt very easily. I love animals and traveling. OK I think Ive gotten my point across.... Now for more fun news.
I got my senior pictures this past weekend and they turned out really good.
umm.... let me think... I dont know that I have any other news at the moment.
Oh wait... I dont know how many of you all out there know this but my senior ring was stolen oh, I think the day after Labor Day so I was looking at my ring policy and turns out you can get a replacement for about 1/3 of what it originally cost me which is kinda expensive but I really liked that ring so I might just have to do that. Ok I think thats it...Til next time....
Jessie

The Perfect Guy

Lately it seems as if I have liked guys that just arent right. I know this is normal but I want it to be out there the type of guy that I really want. And if you are reading this and you are this guy feel free to contact me!

I want a guy who:
is up front with his life and doesnt hide things from me no matter how bad his past is
a guy who will call me every now and then, but not 4 times a day
one who will trust me and one that I can trust
a guy that wants to be with me because of my personality
he has got to make me laugh
I want a guy that likes to travel
one that knows when to back off and when I need to just cry in his arms
and the last thing about my perfect guy.... hes very romantic.... doing stuff for me that is really sweet

For the most part, this is my perfect guy. I know hes out there somewhere, I just hope I find him soon. Well til next time....
Jessie

Pretty Much my best day ever!

So I have been having a wonderful life for well the past couple of weeks. This is exciting!! Ok so the BIGGEST news is that I got accepted to Murray State University. This really makes me happy. It where I reall want to go to college. I guess this post will be short and sweet because that is the only big news that I really have. Other news is just that my life has been going nicely and I have no complaints. I have discovered this school year that I have some really awesome friends and I feel loved again. One of the big things that I have noticed lately, well I've known it for a long time but I am only now noticing it, you don't have to have a boyfriend to have a life. As long as you have good friends, and I have discovered that I do, then your life will be good. Yea, sometimes you WANT a boyfriend, sometimes you want it really bad, but you just have to remember that boyfriends will more than likely come and go more often than good friends. So thats my rambles for the day. Im sending a special shout out to Jesse, Sara, Teia, and Kayla. You all are awesome. I have other awesome friends but these are the ones that have really been there for me lately. Thanks guys. Im outta here.
Jessie

My scary Sunday

Hey everyone, I know I havent written in a while and I know theres about 200 people waiting to see what I'll write next! Just kidding, I dont even know how many people read this thing! There really isnt that much to say. Life hasnt been too extreme recently, yea I have a new person that I kinda sorta might like! But I'm not going to say too much now.... maybe later I will. Since the last time I wrote my family had a scare. For about 10 mintues we thought that my grandma was dead. My dad and I went to visit her one Sunday and she didnt answer her door then she didnt answer her phone, it was all very scary. But my aunt got to my grandmas house and we used her key to get in and we found my grandma. She had fallen and just couldnt get herself back up. And she couldnt reach a telephone. She had been on the floor for like 5 hours. She tried to crawl around to get a phone so that she could call someone but she just couldnt reach the phones in her house. So on that Sunday I got to call 911. Let me tell you its not fun to call 911. The good news is that my grandma is doing good, she is hardheaded and is ready to get back home.
I cant really think of any other news. So I suppose I'm outta here for now!
Jessie

First Day Back

So today was my first day back to school! It was somewhat fun, mostly it was just good to start my senior year. And adding to that I sent my application off to the college that I want to go to yesterday. So I think for now thats all the new things in my life. But so far I like my classes and the people in my classes, for the most part. I have a class with my ex and thats a little awkward but not totally, which is a good thing. I shara locker with a guy that I have liked off and on for 5 years and that is pretty cool. Though for now, since he has a girlfriend, I like him as a friend and I just happen to think that hes just a little bit cute. I mean he is a blonde haired, blue-eyed guy and Im usually a sucker for blue eyes, though not all the time. But all in all today was a pretty good day and I hope the rest of the year will be like today but I know that is wishful thinking.... still it would be nice.... But for now I outta here....
Jessie

A Cookout

Well today was the first time since hes been home that I have seen or talked to Nathan. And if hes reading this Im sorry for writing about you I know how much that weirds you out but this is something that I want to talk about. I saw him at a cookout that his mom hosted for his cousins birthday. We exchanged pleasantries but that was about it. Im not really sure how I pictured things would go but it was not the way that they did in real life. It was like he ignored me. It was really weird, and kind of sad. I hate to think that we ruined our friendship of many years because I wrote him a great deal of emails and that weirded him out. Well for now I guess things are going to be weird, and its a shame but Im definately not as bold as I would like to be and I have to ber approached by him in order to talk to him about things. He should know that Im over whatever it was that I had, with regards to liking him and Im sorry it cost a fun friendship. Well I guess for now I can just hope that things get better for Christmas. I will try to keep somekind of contact even if he doesnt want to talk to me. Well thats it for now....
Jessie

What happened to him?

Well if you know me then you know or know about this person that I liked for oh almost a decade! Yes you know the person, and if you dont then I have only known you for a really short time. Ok enough introductions. The person I am refering to is a boy and his name is Tim. He used to be my neighbor and he moved when I was in 8th grade. December 7, 2002 to be exact. But anyway I havent had much contact with him since, Ive gone to his house 2 times since he moved and he only moved 30 minutes away. The sad thing is that I was friends with his whole family and when they moved and didnt keep really good contact with me and it hurt me a huge amount. So it took awhile but I got over Tim and his family. I searched for a long time for closure and got it only this spring. So what I am here to talk about now is how things dont end up like you think that they would. When I knew/ was friends with Tim, he was a good guy. He was a good role model for the other guys that lived down the road and he had a future and he wasnt a "bad" kid. His mom has gone through a lot and before they moved she had gone back to college to become an accountant. So she had tried to make sure that her kids all had anything that they needed. So when I went for my closure, Tim wasnt there, in fact his things were packed and his sister told me that he was moving out. She also told me that she had heard that from one of her friends at school, not from Tim or his mom. Anyway I still havent really gotten to my point. So I went on myspace tonight and I clicked on my friends, he is one of my "friends". I looked at his page and saw what he had become. I dont think that he plans to go to college, he used to want to be a zoologist. He now drinks and does drugs. But the point is that I look at the person that I used to love, yes thats a big word and it took me a long time to actually realize that I didnt have just a crush. Anyway there is no way that I could love the person that he has become. I guess I am thankful that he didnt like me and that we never were anything more than friends, because if we were I would deny it now. I would deny it for the person he has become. I guess that this happens to a lot of people and that I might just sound goofy but it doesnt really matter because these are just my thoughts and you read them on your own accord. Well til next time.....
Jessie

The LONG ride home

Well yesterday was fun. J/K Yesterday was LONG see we left Hawaii Sat. at 4 am KY time and got home at 10 pm KY time. The plane from Hawaii to LA was delayed 40 minutes because Continental hired Aloha airline people to load the plane and apparently they did it wrong, they loaded luggage and then unloaded it and then loaded it again! Then we got to LA and everything was fine. I even slept on that plane, I was only awake for the brakfast that they served us. By the way there was a cute boy on the plane from Hawaii to LA! He liked golfing, no I didnt ask him, or talk to him but I overheard his conversation with his family. Im so bad! OK back to the travelling! We had a 3 and 1/2 hour layover at Houston and it went pretty well. I met my future husband there! He was a cute pilot!! And I actually talked to him! I said excuse me as I passed him! See I'm getting better, ever so sightly! Anyway then we boarded our plane and sat on the tarmak waiting for the storms to pass for about 2 hours! There were FORTY planes that had to take off before we were able to. So that was a little annoying. At least we didnt have another connection flight to catch. So we finally got home at about 10 last night. But my poor brother had to wait for like 2 hours at the airport for us. He got to the airport at 8 and the computers kept saying that our plane was going to be on time. Then the computer erased our plane entirely! My poor brother had to go ask someone down at the baggage claim what happened to the flight and they said that the computer was sometimes wrong. But the end of the story is that we made it home safely! No more vacation, back to work and now Im totally messed up by jet lag! Well thats it for now... Til next time....
Jessie

The Last Day

Well today is our last day. We leave tonight at 10 pm Hawaii time, 4 am home time. And we actually get home tomorrow 8pm in KY. So we have a long travel ahead of us, but its ok as long as theres is quiet on the plane!
So back to yesterday. Yesterday was a snorkeling/dolphin watching cruise. And though I did not snorkel due to a warning issued by the coast guard about jellyfish, I had a wopnderful time. Yes, there was another cute boy that I crossed paths with and no, like usual I did not talk to him! He might have been a couple of years younger, but he was definately a teenager. I dont know much because I didnt talk to him! Anyway we saw spinner dolphins and bottlenose dolphins. This made me VERY happy. And with both species we saw babies! On our way to the snorkeling place we came accross the spinner dolphins and they cant be found in captivity anywhere in the world and thats because they have such big pods and they are so social that putting a few in captivity would cause them to be very sad and it just wouldnt work out. But we saw this pod and there were at least 50 dolphins. And not only did we see them, they followed us to the snorkel spot. Some people who went snorkeling said that the dolphins swam under them, man, that almost got me in the water. But then the dolphins left and I didnt go into the water. I took over 15 pictures of the spinner dolhins! They get their name because they jump out of the water and spin. The naturalist on the boat was telling us that they blush kind of like people, only their bellies get red instead of their cheeks! So they definately put on a show for us, they spun and spun and spun and even the babies would try their hand at spinning only they were a little more clumsy! Then when everyone was back on the boat after snorkeling we had lunch and the people sitting accross from us at the table we were sitting at were from LA and one of them was a writer for the Dr. Phil show. So that was kind of fun to find out. Then as we were heading back to the harbor we saw the bottlenose dolphins. They have smaller pods because they are bigger dolphins and so we saw about 5 or 6 and a baby. One of them jumped out of the water and it looked as if it had an extra fin but really it was some kind of parasite fish that was attached to the dolphin. So as you can see I had a really good time yesterday and am sad that I have to leave today. But there is one thing that I am really missing from home and that is my Payton, the most wonderful dog in the world! So I cant wait to see her, to bad she isnt vested anymore or she would be able to meet me at the airport. Darn the bad luck! Well I'm going to stop here and I'll write more later, though not from Hawaii. By the way there is a tropical storm headed towards the islands and it looks as if we are leaving right in time! Plus, have I ever told anyone how much I LOVE Hawaiian shave ice? It is the best ever. To bad we dont have it back home. But now im really done. Til next time...
Jessie

The White Submarine

Well today we started out on the beach. We stayed there for about 2 hours. It was fun especially since about an hour after we got there a whole bunch of boys got there. I mean like 10 cute boys all swimming no more than 30 feet away from me. It was exciting. Of course I didnt get any names but I did get like a hour of something fun to look at. Also while at that beach I body surfed for the first time! It was fun until I hit a rock, 3 times! I hurt my thigh, knee and ankle. Another thing... there was algae or something green and it kept getting on my feet and it freaked me out and once when I freaked out I twisted my ankle. It hurt. Then we went to Lahiana again but today not for shopping! We went on a submarine ride today! It was SO fun plus there was a cute guy. The submarine was real and it went down to 133 feet below the top of the bottom the the surface of the water! It was like being in an aquarium but you were in the actual ocean! The cute guy was the kind of M.C. of the trip. His name was A.C. and he had blond hair but I dont know how long it was because it was pulled into his hat, it wasnt real short. He had the most beautiful eyes in the world, especially having the ocean as the background. Man was he cute. Another plus was that he was EXTREMELY funny. He told so many jokes but I am too tired to type all of them! Maybe someday if I can remember all the jokes. He was a little dorky though. Then there was a another cute guy on the submarine, the was the co-captain. There were two not so hot things about him though, his name was Levi. Anyway he had a girlfriend that was riding the sub with our group and he had shaved legs. It was just a little noticable, I'm not saying that its bad or anything but its not something that I see everyday. Well I think thats it for now. Today was definately a hot guy day and that makes me happy! Well Im sorry that there are two posts within like an hour of wach other but the shopping one I wrote this morning and when I went to post it, it got deleted, luckily I sent the post to myself so I didnt have to type it all over again but I did have to wait a while to try to post it again. So anyway I think I'm done for the night. I'll write again tomorrow when we get home from the snorkeling trip. Til next time......

Shopping!

So you that know me probably dont know that I am a true shopaholic! Well usually only when I'm on vacation. See yesterday we went to Lahiana (pronounced la hyena)hoping that we would be able to go on a subamrine tour. The best way to look at those things that live underwater without being able to actually touch them. Yes we get to o in a real submarine for this! But when we got to the pier we found out that they were all booked up for the day, darn. So we made a reservation for today and then we went and made a reservation for a dolphin watching/snorkeling trip fo tomorrow. After that was all done we went shopping. My poor parents! Lahiana is like the BEST place to shop in this island and believe me we have been ALL over the island. So we shopped for 2 1/2- 3 hours! We didnt buy very much, but we looked at a bunch of things. For some reason I find myself wanting a dress and those of you who know me know that I dont wear dresses very much. During and close to the end of our shopping we ate at the Hard Rock Cafe, a first for me! After shopping we went to go looking for a good beach, most of the beaches around here are rocky and they hurt. So close to the cottage where we are staying we found a nice enough beach and started swimming, well my parents started swimming. See there was seaweed chunks or something like seaweed chunks floating on the water and they wrapped around my feet and freaked me out! And my parents said that it was kind of rocky so I never did go all the way in, but I did see several cute boys!!
Also I wanted to share with everyone that I have a TAN!! Ive never had tan lines before and now I have them on my feet.
So as for today we are going to find a good beach and go swimming and then we are going to go on the submarine! And then we are going to come home. See tomorrows snorkeling/dolphin seeing trip starts at 7:30 and we have to be there at 6:45 ehich means we have to leave our cottage at like 5 AM! So we need our rest! But I will post when we get back, but probably not before we go unless I post later today! Well thats it for now, til next time.....
Jessie

Hana Highway

There is this road in Maui that is supposed to be just beautiful. It is called the Hana Highway. It is about 60 miles long and it takes about 2-3 hours to get from the start to the finish. That is what we did yesterday. It was a beautiful road. All the bridges on the Hana Highway were one lane bridges and at some points the road was only one lane so thats part of why it takes so long to drive. That and there are several places to look at beacuse they are just so pretty. But I have got to say that the best thing of the Hana Highway was that there were several cute boys that were being dragged on it by their parents or the adults that were with them. I saw two or three in particular! BUT anyway the road is the whole point of the trip. Once you get to Hana, theres just about nothing. Its pretty sad actually. And because we didnt start out with a full tank of gas we had to get some in Hana and it was, wait for it, $4.29 per gallon for the regular!! Talk about high gas prices and you all think that we are suffering at home, you should live in Hawaii... normal gas prices around here are $3.62 per gallon. Anyway another fun part of yesterday was a black pebble beach. It wasnt quite sand but give it some more time and it will be. There were several warning signs for this beach: Warning, Man Of War: stings han hurt badly; Warning, Jellyfish: stings can hurt badly; Warning, Rough Shore Break; Warning, Strong current. And there was another one but I cant remember it. And for those of you who know me, I am a small chicken! I was scared of going into the water, so scared that I didnt change into my bathing suit. But after watching people and not hearing them scream I decided to go in but I didnt want to change into my bathing suit so I went in with jean shorts and a t-shirt. I have got to admit that it was pretty fun. Thats all we did yesterday, it was our longest day so far, we got home at like 5:30. So til next time.....
Jessie

The Beach

For the first time on this vacation we went to the beach yesterday. It was fun and we got a couple of big waves. I got slammed down on the sand underwater pretty hard but at lest my sinuses got cleaned! Thats pretty much all that we did yesterday. We were home by 2 and spent the rest of the day lollygagging, watching tv and I read 2 books! I just have to start on my required books for my AP english class.. Uggg... I think that today we are going to make the 2 hour, 50 mile trip to Hana. Its supposed to be a beautiful drive. But two hours to go 50 miles?! That probably wont be too terribly fun. Well thats it for now, til next time...
Jessie

Day 2 of the long awaited vacation

So I know I'm writing this on Sunday rather than Saturday but it counts. On Friday I forgot to share what I bought my nephew as a gift from the islands. I bought him the cutest little boy Hawaiian outfit. See his parent have matching Hawaiian outfits and my parents and I thought it would be nice to get Jordan something with the same design. So we searched and searched and searched and finally at Wal-mart found an outfit, the smallest we found was a 18 mos. and he will have to grow into that because he is only 8 mos, I think. Okay now for yesterdays adventure:
We decided that yesterday we wanted to go to the crater of the dormant volcano. That was fun, now this island is only about 25 miles wide by 50 miles long but because its so mountainous it takes a long time to get anywhere, unless you happen to be travelling on the flat part of the island. Anyway so we went to the crater. As we are driving up the mountain we see several signs that say there are loose cattle and they could be walking on the road. We didnt see any cows, which is a shame. But we did go through several clouds on the way to the top of the mountain. That was fun. WE went through cloud after cloud. You can laugh at me all you want but it has always been something that I've wanted to do: touching a cloud and for me fog doesnt count plus I've never gotten out of my car when its been foggy or walked through a fog cloud. So touching the cloud that we drove through was very fun for me. After the crater we kind of got tired, it was 3 pm here but 9 pm at home and we are still a bit jet lagged. So we came home and watched TV for a while and thats all we did yesterday.
I think today we are going to go to the beach. Maybe. We are not sure yet.
But til next time.....
Jessie

Finally on Vacation

Hey there to all of those who know me and who want to keep up with my travels. So the first part is of the actual travelling, you know, airports and stuff. Everything was fine on the airplanes and in te airports until we met a family who had two very loud young children plus one on the way. The kids and family was cute in the LAX airport in Los Angeles but when they had to sit in front of us on the plane for six hours it wasnt so cute anymore. Especially since I was trying to go to sleep and the kids wouldnt stop yellling and singing and complaining about going "Bye Bye" for the ENTIRE plane ride. The family consisted of a VERY pretty and fasionable mother who looked about 6 months pregnant, a geeky looking father, a 4 year-old boy named Julian who got called Julie, and a two year-old girl named Ashley who was the loudest. Anyway when we finally got here it was 9 pm local time and about 3 in the morning back home in KY. So we were pooped to say the least and we all had large headaches from the loud family.
Now for today. We got up, well I got up at about 7:30 am local time and 1:30 pm KY time, that was nice. Then we went exploring, just to see the different stuff around the island. By the way those of you who dont know where I am on vacation, I'm on Maui, a island of Hawaii. So we found a road and went driving down it. Little did we know what we were about to hit. Our nice little road got much littler and windier. The road was open to both ways of traffic but only one car could be on the road at a time and there were cliffs on both side of the road. VERY SCARY! I cant even describe how scary this road was. But we took pictures, so those of you who know me can check those out when i get home! Anyway once we got to a town on the other side of the road we stopped there for about 2 hours and shopped! Well window shopped, but it was fun. Im sure we'll go back there sometime. And by that time it was only 3 pm here so we came back to our cute little cottage and have hung out here ever since. So I suppose thats about it for now... Ill try to write tomorrow and everyday that we are here. So til next time....
Jessie

Unappreciated

Lately I have felt unappreciated. So this post is just for me to vent. Today my grandma called me useless and that kind of stung. But what can I say, I dont like the things that she does. My mom is mad at me because I wouldnt take the recyclables to the recycling center. So I cant even talk to her. Im sad because my ACT socre came in and it didnt go anywhere. That is sad considering I need it to jump just one point so I can apply for a full ride to the college where I want to go. I dont really have anyone to tell this to because as much as I try to stay in touch with people I am pretty much just left alone. I am to much of a goody goody for the people that I used to hang out with, or at least I think thats why we dont hang out anymore. The people that I want to hang out with cant on the days that I can so its a mood point or is it moot point. Either way its that. Well I suppose I'll stop whining and actually go do something....til next time....
Jessie

What's in store for my future

I don't know how many people read this and really I don't care. Basically this blog is for me to vent on everyhting that happens in my life and most recently it was a dream that I don't really remember everything about the dream but I remember the jist of it. So here goes. I remember that I was married or I was about to be married and I remember being really happy. The main part of the dream was that it was a family outing, everyone was at the same place eating. It reminded me of the importance of family. But it also got me to thinking about the way I want to live my life and the person I want to live my life with, even though its someone that I haven't met yet. So I suppose that this is just a way for me to think aobut my dream and put it down on paper, so to speak. Thanks for reading. Til next time....
Jessie

Sunshine and Summertime

Hey everyone, hows your summer going? Mine is pretty boring at the moment, hopefully that will change as the summer progresses. Anyway new developments in my life are 1. I have to take the ACT tomorrow and 2. A friend of mine is leaving ths states for like 2 years. This friend is named Ibrahim, originally hes from Egypt, his mom has been friends with my mom for like 30 years. Anyway I first met Ibrahim when my mom and grandma and a friend of mine went to visit him in Maryland, near Washington D.C. well we became friends pretty fast. Later that year he and his family came to Kentucky to visit us and that was like 2 years ago. I havent seen him since but we have talked some. Anyway he called me yesterday to ask me for my email and to tell me that he was leaving for Israel early next week. It was good to hear from him and I hope we stay in contact. Well til next time.....
Jessie

Memorial Day

So as you all probably know today is Memporial Day. Its sad that more people don't really celebrate it. Its not the most important but I think that we should do something more for those that we are supposed to be remembering. Most of us just like this holiday because it shows the start of summer and if your still in school this late, which I am, you get out for the day. Well thats my thoughts on Memorial Day.
And here is my life update. For a while I was emailing a friend with my life update and well thats pretty sad, so I have decided to share my life with everyone and anyone who wants to read it. So here goes.
I am finishing my junior year of high school and naturally looking at college things. I visited Murray State earlier this year and I REALLY liked it. I think that is my first choice of college and it has everything that I am even remotely intersted in. So thats how I stand on college. Murray allows you to apply right after your Junior year, so as soon as they send me the application thats what I'm going to do.
Other news. I have a lot of friends but theres one thing that I'm missing. A really good friend. See theres things that I cant really tell my friends at school and most people have a really good friend. I thought that I found that but it turns out that I didnt. There is one person that is really close to eing that person and I really hope that we stay close.
Then theres the whole boyfriend thing. I feel that if I have a boyfriend that hes important but my friends are just as important. I know that theres the strong possibility that a boyfriend wont last for life, at least not at this point in time. So when I had a boyfriend I would make time for my friends too and other people just dont get that. They feel as if their friends should either accept that they have a boyfriend or they shouldnt be as good friends. There is a flaw in this way of thinking. What if you and the guy break up, you've alienated your friends because you dont spend time with them, granted some friends will come to your rescue, but people should know that I'm not one of those friends. I dont want to be wanted only when my friends are single. I am a loyal friend and I understand spending time with your boyfriend but you can also spend time with me, without your boyfriend.
I guess thats all I'm going to say today, for now. Til next time........
Jessie

So Damn Tired

I'm so damn tired of the way that life seems to throw you down once you have picked yourself up from the last fall. It seems as if as soon as you get on your feet your falling again. I love being who I am. I feel as if I live a pretty good life and even though I would love to have a guy, I know that I will be okay without one. So for the fun of it heres a poem, if I can think of something....

Next
What happens next
i feel as if everything has collapsed
life has thrown a couple of weird twists
but so far i have come through them
hopefully i can learn from these
i know that for now i'll be ok
you may shoot me down
you might scare me
but i will be ok
whether it is today or 5 years away
i will learn from this
i will be ok
i know that i don't need you
or any guy for that matter
still it would be nice if someone liked me
like that
oh, its not today
and maybe it wont be tomorrow
but whenever it comes i will be ready
but for now im letting go
of the past ones that i have liked
im moving on
to what the future might hold
so until i find the one
im letting go of the wrongs

Ok do that isn't my best work, but there are some weird things that I am trying to work out and they are kind of clouding my other thoughts. If this poem scares you because you think that it might be about you, I'm sorry, but DEAL WITH IT. So that's it for now, til next time......

Jessie

You Don't know me

For those of you out there who think that they know me really well, let me tell you something. First when I find a person that I haven't seen in a really long time and they give me their email I make an effort to stay friends with them, yea sometimes that means that I write a lot of emails, so sue me. Two when I wrote poetry its for me. If I write it about you that just means that you inspired me. DON"T TAKE IT SO PERSONALLY!! Three, if I frighten you, then tell me. I can and will back off and its not the end of the world. Thats my point for now. Til next time.....

Jessie

High on a Broken Heart

Well most of you know that I like Nathan, and now he knows. That right, I finally got the balls to tell him that I like him. I was regected as usual but I am truly happy about it in a weird way. I don't know how t oexplain it but its a realief to know where we stand on the issue. i hope someday Nathan reads this and understands that even though I may be sad I have not been totally broken. I am a strong person and I am glad for what I did. I truly hope he doesn't totally ignore me now that he knows. Another thing that he should know if he is reading this is that I am content in a weird way. I don't know how to explain it but I think that this issue has already helped me be a better person because now I know that even when I am shot down i don't have to be totally battered. I am a happy person and Nathan if you are reading this I want you to know that I am happy to be your friend and only your friend. Please don't think that this is phony. I am truly high on a broken heart, I am happy for the life and friends that I have and thank you Nathan for NOT liking me, in that way. Anyway thats enough for now. Til next time I am High on a Broken Heart and proud of it!!

Jessie

Happy Day

Today I got my Senior ring. Now you must understand that I am not a jewelry person, not at all. Partially this is because I am allergic to fake jewelry and gold and partially because well, I just don't really like it except for on special occasions. I don't know how long the novelty of my Senior ring will last but for now I am really excited. Mine is a pretty traditional ring and the stone is my birthstone (Diamond) but it isn't a real diamond. Just a fake but still cool. Well on one side is my name and 2007 and on the other side is Cougars and a picture of a cougar. I know its kind of boring but I didn't really like anything else that I could put on it. Anyway I think that I'm done gushing about my ring now. And I really have nothing else to say. So til next time....

Jessie

That time of year

Its that time of year again
the time when you are finishing the school year
when you say goodbye for the summer
maybe for longer
the time when you reflect on the past year
and everything that you have done
you think about the people you have just met
and the ones that you will never forget
the ones that you have known forever
and the ones that you are just starting to know
wow its been an interesting year
now you look forward to next year
and all the potential it holds
its nice to have an ending
but nicer to see the beginning
for those in high school
this is the start of your life
what you do from now on
is who you are
remember that for the next years
for now you are only a junior
its amazing what can happen
but remember to always be prepared
for good or for bad
this IS your ife
no matter what choices you make
make the ones that you think are best
but remember to listen to your heart every now and then

This poem is for all those juniors and possibly the seniors that are finishing their school year and looking forward to either their last summer as high school students or their first as college students. To all of you, have a wonderful summer and life.

Jessie

Today

So today wasn't the greatest day. I had to give a fifteen minute presentation in front of the entire class and it was really good. I wasn't nervous at all which is very unusual for me. Usually I'm shaking really badly when I have to give a talk. Then I got invited to an awards ceremony. It was really cool. Then I had to work which was blak but when I came home my day got worse. I heard from Nathan and I'm not able to pick him up, that made me sad. But then I thought that maybe I was overbearing. But I got mad at him and also sad. I felt as if he was pushing me away and it really makes me sad. I know that he prolly wasn't pushing me away but after something bad happens I tend to give up and not fight for what I want. I guess I just need to keep asking. Maybe eventually he will tell me what he wants from me. Just friends, which is always a heartbreaker, or more than that which would make me estatic. Anyway thats my thoughts on the day.
Jessie

Wow, im on the ball

So I really don't have that much to say. Maybe I'll be able to write a poem.
Waiting
These past few weeks I've been waiting
Waiting to see you again
it hasn't been that long
but I feel as if its been another year
we've kept in better touch
and its only made me feel closer to you
now I just want to spend all my time with you
I know it might sound silly
but its true
I think I've fallen for you
If its wrong
then I guess ill enventually get over it
so for now I'll just have to wait some more
I'll wait til you come home
then I'll go from there.
Til then, I am waiting


Jessie

2 posts in 2 days

Well I have remembered to post something for two days in a row. I'm proud ofmyself. Right now I'm watching Rent. It's a really good movie. I don't have much to say but there were some things that I forgot to tell you all yesterday. Sionc I wrote in January, I had to turn in Payton, the service dog that I was training. It was really hard and I cried, but the good news is that she did get released as a breeder, so I have her back. Yea!!! Another big thing that happened was that I had a birthday and on that birthday I gave blood. I'm such a good person. Sometimes.
Thats it for now.........
Jessie

A few months

Well a few months have passed since I last wrote on this and I was thinking that its past due for another entry. Since I last wrote I have been keeping in touch with Nathan, hes the one that I saw after a year last Christmas. Anyway we've been emailing each other, with him getting more emails, and I even saw him on March 10. 2006. So, for me this is really exciting. Who knows what he thinks. Also, I was voted as Parlimentarian for the Beta Club at my school and I am really excited about it. However, of all the things that are going on in my life my favorite is the whole thing with Nathan. If I'm lucky enough I'll get to pick him up at the airport. I only have to ask his mom, he has already said its fine with him. Well, I hope hes not reading this, but if he is oh well. But for now I'm going to go. Hopefully it won't be 4 months since I write again!!
Jessie

WOW its been a while

Hey everyone, it been a while since i have posted and my life has been very hectic. I did finally get my 5 page paper done and i havent goten my grade back on it yet. Then on the 10 my dad was rshed to the hospital. He had a heart rate of 196. A normal heart rate is only about 86. It wsa very scary and let me tell you i never want to follow an ambulance that is carrying one of my parents ever again. Anyway my dad is ok now, he had an angioplasty and wo stints were put in his heart. That was Tuesday and WEdnesday, then on Thursday i got sick. I had thought it was food poisoning but my mom says it was probably the flu because i had a fever. So then on Friday i went back to school but my chest hurt and i only stayed fir half a day. My moms birthday wa on Saturday and on Sunday i watched my brothers play basketball. They only had 5 players and at one time they had to play with 4 because one of their players got hurt. But they did win by like 30 points. Monday i worked all day. Tuesday the 17 was one of my friends birthday and the start of finals. I didnt have to take any of my finals!! Wednesday there was like 3 inches of snow and we had a snow day. I went shopping with my dad onWed. and we saw Al Snow (he was a wrestler for WWE, he now is a commentater for Ohio Valley Wrestling). Thursday it was like 60 degrees and spring time. Then on Friday my school had a pep rally and i planned the whole thing. I was in charge of the entire thing. That was stressful but really fun. Saturday was another friends birthday and i went prom dress shopping. I didnt buy a dress but i trie like 10 on. But now i have caught you up on everything. Today is Sunday, my brothers are playing again today and im going out with some friends to celebrate the two friends birthdays. But till next time. Jessie

Its Friday!!

Hey everyone. Im so glad that its Friday. The only downside is that i still havent written that paper thats due on Monday. That will be this weekends chore. But anyway, ive had a good week. My friends are all saying how their life is horrible and well mine is great. Yea, i have no boyfriend and yea, one of my friends is going back to Canada where he goes to school and yea, ive had to get up at 5:30 every morning to go to school but i dont think i could be much happier if i had won the lottery. Ive decided that im happy that i am who i am and that i wouldnt change anything. And those who want to change me, well, they cant. Oh, did i tell you all that i got a 27 on my ACT? I was extremely excited. Still am, thats been part of my great week. Plus i got to spend some time with Nathan, which i havent done in over a year so thats good to. Then theres the choices that i make. I know that ive talked about choices before but i know that the choices that you make affect everyone around you. I found out that three of my friends are gay and though i dont have anything againast gay people, well it was kind of a shock to have it confirmed. I am proud of the choices that i have made and i dont regret any of them. There is one guy that i love. He was my first love so i will always love him but, i think that they way i handled loving him wasnt great. But you know what? It was a learning experience.
You may not know that much about me but the guy that im talking about is Tim. I love Tim, i always will but i understand that we are not made to be together. I have now decided that he is a person that i would love to have as a friend, if only i could get a hold of him to talk to him. Sometimes Tim was a complete jerk to me and well i just looked the other way. This will happen no more. I know what i do when im in love with someone so hopefully i wont be as bad next time. Yes, i know Love is a strong word and i dont usually say it unless i mean it and i really didnt think that i loved Tim. It was one day when i was talking to my friend Sarah that i realized that i loved him. And its only because she said it. We were talking about how much i was head over heels for him and i said well i dont know why im so worked up over him. Then she made it clear to me. She said "because you love him". She was right. But though i will never be over Tim i now know that i can be ok with just being friends with him. Anyway, a shortened version of pert one of my love history. Lucky you. Till next time.
Jessie (Snoopy)

The One who...

The one who is always there
the one who keeps me laughing
the one who shares my initials
the one who knows my deepest thoughts
he is always egging me on
despite inner doubts
ive never really met him
but we share so much
hes the one who helps me get through my hard days
he knows im always there for him
no matter what
he lives a few states away
and i met him in a chat room
we have so much in common
are we soulmates?
we may never know
but one thing i do know
is his name is Joe

This was written for a friend that i truly met in a chatroom. Hes a great guy and he slways assures me that whatever im doing is the right thing to do, even when i have my biggest doubts. Thanks to everyone who reads this. Especially to Joe.
Later
Jessie (Snoopy)

And the break must end

Today was the last day of my Christmas break. No more staying up late just to do nothing. So i may not be writing as often because i wont have as much free time. Tuesday i have to go to school then to work and then to puppy training and then after that i get to do my homework . Then on Wednesday i have to go to school and then i have to take a make up test because i was ick on the last day of school and missed an important test. Then on Thursday and Friday i just have to go to school, so i guess that those days wont be as bad. I shouldnt be complaining so im not this is just informing people what is happening in my life. Well i dont have much to say so i will keep tonights post short and sweet. Till next time everyone.
Love,
Jessie (Snoopy)

Happy New Year

Hey everyone. Not much to report on my end. I didnt even go to or have a party last night. Anyway I hope everyone had a safe night last night. I heard song that i really like recently. Its called "Shoes" by Shania Twain. In case you didnt know Shania is my favorite artist. But this song, "Shoes" compares men to shoes and it makes you smile so if you are having a bad day and you need something to cheer you up listen to Shoes. Its on the Desperate Housewives soundtrack. Oh by the way i saw 'Rumor Has It' today and it was pretty good. So today I was thinking about a New Years resolution and i found myself thinking of what i already had and what i was thankful for. Heres a list of what im thankful for and what i already have.

• My family
• My friends
• my pets
• the people who inspire my poetry
• my job
• my choices

Its a short list but it includes most of my life. What i mean about my choices is that im not really religious but yet i have made good choices in my life. A bunch of people report on how religious people make better choices than those who are nonreligious and well, that isnt always true. I know some religious people who have made bad choices in their lives. Yes, i know that it isnt always true that nonreligious people will make good choices in their lives. You cant always know what a teenager will do based on how religious they are. Anyway my point is that those who make good choices arent always religious. Sometimes the nonreligious people make just as good or better choices than the religious people. I have had many chances to make bad choices yet i havent and im really glad that i havent. My pride so far is that i have made so many good choices. So that is my rambling for the day! Till next time

Jessie (Snoopy)