Why is it that when I finally dream of you I still dont get to talk to you very much. I did talk some but you just kind of gave me a one word answer and took your car and drove away. We were at my house, or around it and you were with your mom. Funny thing, like in real life I made friends with the parent rather than the boy, I mean its good to be on good terms with the parent but its better to be on good terms with the boy if you are gonna date them, know what I mean? And maybe not even date them in person but rather in my dreams.
I am pretty sure that God is having a good time looking at my life and the people surrounding me, I love my friends very much but we all have baggage right? Different baggage and I usually feel silly wanting to talk about boys and such but its just kind of my release, I dont want to grow up yet, so I am gonna stick in the middle for as long as possible. SO for that I may be laughed at and I will also laugh at myself, have no doubt.
So, why am I not the open outgoing person that I wish to be, why do I hold myself back? I think that it has a lot to do with being turned down, getting hurt and having to deal with being just the friend. But thats the best way to start right? being just friends? So why can't I introduce myself to this person that I desperately want to be friends with, its not like he is a god and I will be shunned for talking to him, laughed at maybe but I get laughed at a lot. And how do I do it in a non-creepy way, I am afraid that if I do go up to him all the creepy things that are just rattling around in my head will come out and then I will really be laughed at. So I do what I can, I become friends with your friends, I make myself seen at the games and I just bide my time, maybe, hopefully something will click. And if not, I can always hire you as my financial advisor!
I am not a "bad" girl, I never had reason to drink, do drugs, smoke or have sex, but I do yearn to be noticed, to see your smile and to be a part of your world. That makes me sound kind of whiney and really girly but I dont mean it like that, not really.
So how bout I stop here before I dig myself a HUGE hole!
2 comments:
maybe you don't dream of him talking to you because you can't imagine it because you don't hear him enough to know his patterns of speech and don't want to settle for making something up in your imagination.
His mom on the other hand, is completely made up by your mind, and so you have no problem improvising contact with a person you don't know in a way so it fits the regular patterns of your behavior of befriending the parents.[?unless you have met his mom, in which case your guess is a good as mine.?]
also, you are no creepier than the rest of us. Me especially. I am very creepy-creepster in my behavior towards people I 'like-like' like that. [yay for unnecessary repetition!] I mean seriously how many times do i get bored and simply leer at him until someone notices? [this is going to be awkward if I'm just imagining this. but what the heck, if you can't point out to your friends that you're creepy and weird, to whom can you?]
anyway, the point is I can sympathize? empathize? which ever one means I can understand your point of view without being pretentious and saying that I've gone through this; because I haven't because I am the must know you to obsess over you every spare moment, otherwise I simply admire from afar when you are physically present.]
damn, I talk alot.
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