I just received the lovely news that my grandma's boyfriend is dying- they dont expect him to live through the weekend. He had surgery for Kidney cancer just in January. Now, it might seem that I am fairly removed from him- hes not even necessarily a part of the family, but it will still be hard. Its mostly hard because my mom describes this as being similar to how her father died, and its taking a toll on her, as well as my grandma. Len is kind of an abrasive person but he has good intentions and he has always been helpful and he loved my grandma- which gets him the most points.
It all kind of brings me back to the death of my grandma- and those shortly after. Death isnt something one likes, or looks forward to (well at least not most people) but it is a part of live and you get used to it, or rather Ive gotten used to it. The hardest was 6 people in 6 months. And I dont know if this will be 9 or 10, but it doesnt matter- its still no fun.
I guess the moral of the story, for me anyway is sure its hard, and yea it hurts like hell, but I just gotta get up and keep going. I am allowed a breakdown, but my friends and my family count on me, and I can help others, as long as I am functional myself. If I dont stay on my feet, how am I supposed to be there to help others back up. There is more to this world than just me, and I feel that if I can help pick just one person up then its worth it. But at the same time, its times like these when I am most vulnerable, and I just want to be held- even though it seems pretty impossible. :) Give me a few days, maybe a week, and I will be fine.
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