Here comes goodbye

And death hits my family once again. My grandma's significant other passed away, I got the message at 11:26 this morning. It wasnt a surprise but it still has a blow. With every death now, I am reminded of my granmda- she was the first person that I was close to that passed away, and everytime that hole in my heart is rubbed raw again. I have a routine by now- I am really raw for a couple of days, and then it scabs over and then its like a new scar- that rough pink skin. But it will get better over time- even scars And though I know those who are close to me want to be there for me, but I dont think anyone really has the answers for when something like this happens.
So, the best answer about how to deal with these situations comes from within. I am a strong person, and I have gotten through this before, and I can do it again. And for those who dont know what to say to me, ignore the death part, talk to me like or ordinarily would, but at the same time hug me. Thats all I need, I just need hug after hug after hug. Someone to hold me tight- without saying anything- would be ideal, but I know that at this point that wont happen.
Its easy for me to let anyone in, but its harder to let them stay, people get to know me and they leave, whether its after a few weeks or after years, its what happens I am used to it. I am a country girl and when you lose something you dont cry. Its like falling down, you get up, wipe the dust off, laugh a little too loudly if you are slightly embarrassed and go on with life.
Its also kind of like getting in a fight- if you are pissed enough you arent gonna give up. You get punched you punch back, so I just gotta remember that life is gonna keep knocking me down, and the best thing that I can do is keep getting up.
I realized today that I have great friends here at Transy, and I think that they put up with tons of crap from me and I appreciate it, but at the same time I would do anything for these people. But there comes a point when talking about yourself is just too much. Everyone has problems and almost everyone can listen about others problems- to a certain extent, but theres gotta be some give and take.
I also realized that though I am an open book and I will share just about anything with the people that I know- I still internalize a fair amount too. There isnt a single person around that knows everything that goes on behind my hazel eyes, and honestly I wouldnt have it any other way. I am blessed to have the people in my life that are there for me, and in return- I am there for everyone, almost unconditionally.