Real versus Fake

Why is it that my relationship with my fake husband is way more fun and rewarding than the relationship that my heart wants?
Thats right, I have a (fake) husband. He is wonderful, caring, checks on me and always talks to me when I seem to need it the most.

So, I guess its time to take the leap.
Yea, the leap I've been avoiding for far too long.
The one that is inevitable.

J, its clear that we are just meant to be friends.
One kiss doesnt change that, especially if nothing happens afterwards.

So, my friend, here is to a long friendship!
(See, I told you I wouldnt run away)

Disclaimer: The above message was written 2 hours before what comes next.
I cant do it.
I went back and read some of my posts that deal with you and I am too emotionally involved to make myself take out all of the emotion.
If you want to be just friends, fine, tell me that, I can handle it. But I cant make that decision.

Have you heard the song "Colder Weather" by the Zac Brown Band?
Thats me and you, darlin.
I'm the lover and your the leaver.
And we dont have colder weather, we are warmer weather.

OK, I am sleepy and that might not make much sense.
My resolve isnt 100% there.
And I really wanted to come visit and check on you, but I decided that if you wanted me, you would tell me. No use in butting in when I'm not wanted.