Bad J Day.

Do you have a person in your life that tells you too much about the woes that they are having with someone? Not just anyone but theres that one person in their life that ruins everything and then they pass it on by telling you how this person ruined everything, and you want to be supportive but god you dont want to listen anymore? 

OK. Now is when you just stop reading this post- because I am about to become that person! 

The good news, though is that if you DONT stop reading this post, you dont have to respond to me in any way. 

So really, its win-win: I get to let my feelings out and you can be supportive while rolling your eyes in the comfort of your own home. 

Here goes:

Today I was at TSC and I was looking for something for my mom and I hear keys jingling as someone is walking. I freeze. J isn't here, he cant be- I know this, and I still freeze and locate the person who is wearing the jingle keys- some random black guy. Shew, crisis averted. But then as I am walking through the aisles I here some boots scuffing the floor- you are rolling your eyes arent you. Again, I freeze- holding my breath- logically I KNOW hes not in this store, hes 80 miles away in a different store- if he's even working today. But I cannot help those reactions, they are simply automatic. Why, you ask? Because the times that I have seen him at work his boots and or keys have announced his approach. 

Universe, I get it, I'm obviously not over this person yet. I guess I just keep on keeping on. But thinking doesnt help, because I think of the good, fun times we had. I know, I know, dont text him, dont message him. I get it. And I'm not going to text or message him- but that doesnt mean I dont WANT to. No, today I've been re-living every good moment that we had together- though I know they dont erase the not so good times. 

Sigh. 

May 19th 2009 started it all. June 6th 2009 was good, So was Oct 8, 2010. But the most perfect was May 26th 2011. And I wouldnt change the experience. It had its ups and downs and apparently it ran its course. 

So here's my take-away message.... Its gonna take time, and I know this, thanks to my history- Timmy B anyone? That only took 8 years to get over. Again, the point is that it might take time, but I am allowed to be happy, sad, etc. I just have to remember that I also still have a life to live. And no memory is more important than a full life. Sure, you can have moments of memories- because memories are important too... but you gotta keep making new memories which means you gotta be present in your life.