I thought I hadn't written in almost a year, so I was surprised to see my last post was in February. But so much has changed since that post. My whole life has changed. So, in case anyone was wondering, here is what has happened:
- 6 vet school rejections (although I received most of them before February)
- notification of being put on the waiting list for one vet school
- 2 acceptances to vet schools
- 1 new job, with an amazing boss, who has since left
- 2 dog deaths
- brother moving
But tonight I dont really want to write about vet school or really my life. I want to write about something that has happened tangently to my life. I want to write a story that isnt really mine to tell, but on the other hand I dont know that its being told anywhere else, so why not. And the story has had an impact on my life, even though I havent experienced it. Who knows how far it will impact me.
Growing up I heard the stories of how my dad was a single dad to my brothers. I heard about the awful things that his ex did and in many ways, I am living proof that he got through them and is a better person because of them. When I started my new job in February I met a man who seemed to be going through many of the same struggles that I heard stories of growing up. The difference: this man had 4 children, 2 girls (the oldest and youngest) and 2 boys (the middle kids). He had an ex who was no good, who had tried to commit suicide more than once. This woman would set times to visit the kids and then come up with shitty excuses as to why she couldnt make it. She spent her money on alcohol rather than paying her child support. Basically she is a deadbeat and doesnt even deserve to see her children. But this man, lets call him A, tried to make it so that she could have a relationship with her kids. He kind of bent over backwards for her. Not because he wanted to see her more, no their relationship was done and over (she realized she was gay) but he wanted to do the right thing for the kids. The number one thing that I learned about this man was that though he was a manager, a man responsible for a store succeeding, he was a father first. His kids were his number one priority, always. Who cant admire that? Seriously. A dad who would do anything for his kids is probably one of the most attractive things in this world. So when the time came that he could no longer afford the childcare that his kids needed while he worked, he did the only thing he knew to do, turn in his resignation. He had to move home, closer to his parents, to his family, so that he could continue to provide for his kids. He made the comment to me that his childcare cost or was going to cost more a month than his house payment and his car payment combined. Our district manager is a schmuck and wasnt going to allow him to transfer, so he had to resign. But then the universe, or some would say god, had a better idea. The person who is the district manager for the store that is by A's parents house called and asked if he was interested in being a manager for her, for that store. Things moved fast after that. Hes been gone for just over a month now and I feel his loss every day- even though I talk to him nearly every day.
A is not just a father, though that is clearly his most important role. He is a friend, a manager and someone who I look up to. If and when I own a clinic or my own business I hope that I can be half the manager that he is, because he is the best superior I have ever had.
I dont know why he stayed with his ex for so long, especially since he told me that he knew 2 years into the marriage that he had to worry about her leaving him for a woman sooner than she had to worry about him leaving her for another woman. Or why he had 4 children with her. But I do know that his 4 children are very lucky to have him as a father. And that he is one hell of a man, and I hope that even if he says he doesnt ever want to get married again, he finds happiness and contentment. I also hope that I can continue to call him a friend, because hes a really great one!
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Wednesday, February 05, 2014
Body image
Lets take a moment here and talk about body image. I know it's not exactly an easy subject, so I'll talk about mine.
I'm not a woman that is petite or skinny. Nor am I someone who overly large. I mean technically my BMI classifies me as being overweight, but it's just a number. So is my weight- it's just a number, quantifying my personal gravity.
Around this time last year I was successfully losing weight, it made me happy. I got to the point where I was halfway to my goal, and I just wanted another 15 pounds gone. And the weight loss stopped.
There's a magic number that I've hovered around since, any reading above that number and I'm sad. Readings below that number and I am super happy and I eat something extra.
I gave up sodas for 40 days or so. But then I decided I really liked them and this was my body and if I wanted a soda I should be able to have a soda. I promptly fell off the bandwagon and there were days when I would have 5 or 6 servings of soda. Damn. Soda is good, but not THAT good. I should enjoy it in moderation.
Ah, moderation. That's the word that we are always given, right? Moderation of alcohol, of sweets, of anything we really like, because its probably bad for us.
Moderation is good. Going off the deep end can be good too- you just gotta believe in yourself to be able to swim to get back into the shallow end.
But I digress, this is about body image, not my feelings about food or the magic number.
My body image varies daily. One day I think I look absolutely fantastic and the next I look totally awful. I didn't continue to push myself to lose the additional 15 pounds to my goal weight because I generally feel good about where I am. Yes, I have this little pooch of fat. Yes, I have love handles, but ok. IT IS OK. This body is mine and so far, it hasn't let me down in anything I've wanted to do.
Also, I wear the same sized clothes now that I did in high school. I started high school approximately 10 years ago. I am approximately 10 pounds heavier than I was in high school. And last year I was more fit than I had been in high school.
And my whole point about this post is that my body image is fluid. As is most of my body, it changes, it adapts and it is mine. Don't punish your body for having a little more fluff than you want.
What I am saying, is find a happy spot with your body. A place where you like yourself, generally. You don't have to love yourself every day, just a piece of yourself. Love your mind today if your body is god awful. Love your heart. Your personality. We are not just our body, we are a whole package.
On the other hand, if you wake up some day and find yourself heavier than you've ever been and you are unhappy and generally don't like where your habits are, change them. It doesn't have to be a big change, sometimes a small change makes all the difference in the world.
But most of all, do not be overly harsh on yourself. You are a work in progress. Your body is a work in progress, your mind, your fitness, your education. We are not ever stagnant beings. We move, we breathe, we eat and we find ways to deal.
Last night, I looked at myself in the mirror, really looked at my whole being. I didn't hate it. I didn't LOVE it, but I was happy with it. I am not perfect, last week, I was more than 1-2 pounds over my "magic" number and I was miserable. So, I ate healthier, I exercised more and I got back down to my "respectable" weight. Like I said, its a fluid thing. Its not perfect. But my body does every single thing that I demand of it, and for that I am grateful and I will take it out, proudly. That's not saying I'll be wearing a bikini anytime soon. But I will love at least a piece of myself every single day.
Around this time last year I was successfully losing weight, it made me happy. I got to the point where I was halfway to my goal, and I just wanted another 15 pounds gone. And the weight loss stopped.
There's a magic number that I've hovered around since, any reading above that number and I'm sad. Readings below that number and I am super happy and I eat something extra.
I gave up sodas for 40 days or so. But then I decided I really liked them and this was my body and if I wanted a soda I should be able to have a soda. I promptly fell off the bandwagon and there were days when I would have 5 or 6 servings of soda. Damn. Soda is good, but not THAT good. I should enjoy it in moderation.
Ah, moderation. That's the word that we are always given, right? Moderation of alcohol, of sweets, of anything we really like, because its probably bad for us.
Moderation is good. Going off the deep end can be good too- you just gotta believe in yourself to be able to swim to get back into the shallow end.
But I digress, this is about body image, not my feelings about food or the magic number.
My body image varies daily. One day I think I look absolutely fantastic and the next I look totally awful. I didn't continue to push myself to lose the additional 15 pounds to my goal weight because I generally feel good about where I am. Yes, I have this little pooch of fat. Yes, I have love handles, but ok. IT IS OK. This body is mine and so far, it hasn't let me down in anything I've wanted to do.
Also, I wear the same sized clothes now that I did in high school. I started high school approximately 10 years ago. I am approximately 10 pounds heavier than I was in high school. And last year I was more fit than I had been in high school.
And my whole point about this post is that my body image is fluid. As is most of my body, it changes, it adapts and it is mine. Don't punish your body for having a little more fluff than you want.
What I am saying, is find a happy spot with your body. A place where you like yourself, generally. You don't have to love yourself every day, just a piece of yourself. Love your mind today if your body is god awful. Love your heart. Your personality. We are not just our body, we are a whole package.
On the other hand, if you wake up some day and find yourself heavier than you've ever been and you are unhappy and generally don't like where your habits are, change them. It doesn't have to be a big change, sometimes a small change makes all the difference in the world.
But most of all, do not be overly harsh on yourself. You are a work in progress. Your body is a work in progress, your mind, your fitness, your education. We are not ever stagnant beings. We move, we breathe, we eat and we find ways to deal.
Last night, I looked at myself in the mirror, really looked at my whole being. I didn't hate it. I didn't LOVE it, but I was happy with it. I am not perfect, last week, I was more than 1-2 pounds over my "magic" number and I was miserable. So, I ate healthier, I exercised more and I got back down to my "respectable" weight. Like I said, its a fluid thing. Its not perfect. But my body does every single thing that I demand of it, and for that I am grateful and I will take it out, proudly. That's not saying I'll be wearing a bikini anytime soon. But I will love at least a piece of myself every single day.
Monday, February 03, 2014
Apparent Propane Catastrophe in our house....
Its not really a catastrophe- not at all, in fact. Its just that sometimes I think my father is a bigger princess than the rest of us.
So, about 6pm Dad checks the thermostat. The temp is 66 degrees and things are set to keep the house at 70. Dad says "I bet we are out of propane." He goes outside, and indeed our tank says 0. None. Nada.
His reaction is to get worried and kind of mad and to call all the numbers to see what we can do. Not necessarily a bad thing, except its 6pm on Superbowl Sunday and there is a propane shortage in the midwest.
Mom and I point this out. We say "there is a shortage, we may not be able to get propane and if we can it may be more than $5 a gallon, is it really worth it?"
I should also mention that when the propane people came and filled the tank this fall they noticed a leak and apparently they were supposed to send someone out to check it. No one ever came. Dad- manager of the house since hes been retired- never followed up with them, so who knows how much money leaked out of that tank. I dont think we've ever run out of propane before and Saturday I was almost blown away by the smell of propane just outside the front door. (Today he tells the propane people that the wife has noticed the smell for a couple of weeks but never said anything. Um. Excuse me, you knew there was a leak when they FILLED THE TANK.)
So we have no propane. Dang. Not cool. But you know what we DO have? Electricity. Water. Food. Animals (they can help keep us warm) and wait for it. A buck stove. A wood burning device that can be used to heat the house- damn, what a concept.
So while dad is running around mildly panicked about not having propane and being absolutely totally sure that they will come out to FILL the tank Monday when he calls mom builds a fire. And since its starting to precipitate outside and our wood isnt covered... I bring in several loads of wood so that we have dry fuel to feed the fire.
I know that being without propane could be a bad thing. But I just wasnt seeing it last night. Really. I mean, come ON. We have the means by which to keep the house relatively warm.
Mom and I were ready to tackle the rest of the winter propane-less. But dad isnt having it.
Today, first thing out of his shower he calls the propane people and asks for propane. They will deliver tomorrow, Tuesday and its not $5 a gallon, not even $4 a gallon- so thats nice. But here's what I find pretty funny: they arent going to send someone out to check the line for a leak until Friday. Ok. Wait a second. Lets fill up a tank with a known leak on Tuesday and not check the leak to see how big it is until Friday.
Does anyone else see how this could be a MAJOR waste of funds AND resources?
While theres a major propane shortage in parts of the country, lets fill up a leaky tank, SO WE CAN LEAK PROPANE OUT BECAUSE WHAT THE HECK? really? REALLY?
Also, whos responsible for the line? The gas company says they wont know that until they check it. My dad is retired, my mom is the sole source of income in this household and lets fill up a tank (for the second time this year) so that it can LEAK while we wait for someone to check the line and oh-by-the-way we might be responsible for fixing the line.
I think, at the end of the day, my rant is not about the propane as much as about money. I know I am not perfect, and yes, I am probably somewhat of a financial burden on my parents, but you know what I did about that? I went and found a job- a steady, part-time job. And I am working to be very aware of the money I spend and how I spend it.
I know that it might be distorted, but since dad's retirement, I see him spending money like its going out of style but the heart of the matter is that for about 7 months my mother was the ONLY one making ANY money in the house. And since I was aware of this, I worked hard to cut down on my spending rather than keep spending money as much as I was. I am thankful that my family has the means that it does, and I hope that I can be careful about MY money so that I can function in the world, on my own, when it comes to that.
So, about 6pm Dad checks the thermostat. The temp is 66 degrees and things are set to keep the house at 70. Dad says "I bet we are out of propane." He goes outside, and indeed our tank says 0. None. Nada.
His reaction is to get worried and kind of mad and to call all the numbers to see what we can do. Not necessarily a bad thing, except its 6pm on Superbowl Sunday and there is a propane shortage in the midwest.
Mom and I point this out. We say "there is a shortage, we may not be able to get propane and if we can it may be more than $5 a gallon, is it really worth it?"
I should also mention that when the propane people came and filled the tank this fall they noticed a leak and apparently they were supposed to send someone out to check it. No one ever came. Dad- manager of the house since hes been retired- never followed up with them, so who knows how much money leaked out of that tank. I dont think we've ever run out of propane before and Saturday I was almost blown away by the smell of propane just outside the front door. (Today he tells the propane people that the wife has noticed the smell for a couple of weeks but never said anything. Um. Excuse me, you knew there was a leak when they FILLED THE TANK.)
So we have no propane. Dang. Not cool. But you know what we DO have? Electricity. Water. Food. Animals (they can help keep us warm) and wait for it. A buck stove. A wood burning device that can be used to heat the house- damn, what a concept.
So while dad is running around mildly panicked about not having propane and being absolutely totally sure that they will come out to FILL the tank Monday when he calls mom builds a fire. And since its starting to precipitate outside and our wood isnt covered... I bring in several loads of wood so that we have dry fuel to feed the fire.
I know that being without propane could be a bad thing. But I just wasnt seeing it last night. Really. I mean, come ON. We have the means by which to keep the house relatively warm.
Mom and I were ready to tackle the rest of the winter propane-less. But dad isnt having it.
Today, first thing out of his shower he calls the propane people and asks for propane. They will deliver tomorrow, Tuesday and its not $5 a gallon, not even $4 a gallon- so thats nice. But here's what I find pretty funny: they arent going to send someone out to check the line for a leak until Friday. Ok. Wait a second. Lets fill up a tank with a known leak on Tuesday and not check the leak to see how big it is until Friday.
Does anyone else see how this could be a MAJOR waste of funds AND resources?
While theres a major propane shortage in parts of the country, lets fill up a leaky tank, SO WE CAN LEAK PROPANE OUT BECAUSE WHAT THE HECK? really? REALLY?
Also, whos responsible for the line? The gas company says they wont know that until they check it. My dad is retired, my mom is the sole source of income in this household and lets fill up a tank (for the second time this year) so that it can LEAK while we wait for someone to check the line and oh-by-the-way we might be responsible for fixing the line.
I think, at the end of the day, my rant is not about the propane as much as about money. I know I am not perfect, and yes, I am probably somewhat of a financial burden on my parents, but you know what I did about that? I went and found a job- a steady, part-time job. And I am working to be very aware of the money I spend and how I spend it.
I know that it might be distorted, but since dad's retirement, I see him spending money like its going out of style but the heart of the matter is that for about 7 months my mother was the ONLY one making ANY money in the house. And since I was aware of this, I worked hard to cut down on my spending rather than keep spending money as much as I was. I am thankful that my family has the means that it does, and I hope that I can be careful about MY money so that I can function in the world, on my own, when it comes to that.
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