Its been more than a year.
I'm sorry.
There's so much to say, but when I have the time to say the things that I want to say, I can't always find the words that fit.
I could tell you about the past year. The ups, the downs. The whoa's and what the fucks.
But thats not why I came back to this page tonight.
When my world feels off, topsy-turvy and in a way that I can't relate to the people that are around me, I turn to this place. Because here I just write what I'm feeling. No expectations. No worries about how things will be misconstrued. No angst in waiting for a response that I may never get. I write here, because later I can still find this place, I can find my words and be reminded of who I was when I arranged these letters just so.
My heart hurts for the world. I think more than it ever has before. Don't get me wrong, the terrorist attacks on 9/11 were awful.
But so much in the past week I have seen the hatred of the world in a way I've never personally seen before.
What happened in Paris was awful, it was, I won't deny that.
But the fact that it gets so much more attention than the rest of the world is sad. Sickening, even.
Yes, I am a fairly privileged white woman. I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming from. I don't have to worry about how I will get where I need to be. There are so many things that I don't have to worry about and I take that for granted.
Why can't we- the collective we, humanity- be decent and open our arms and hearts to those that are suffering more than we could possibly even imagine?
Why don't we reach out and help?
YES. There are things that we do wrong on our own soil, things that we could do better. YES, we have homeless people that deserve more than they get. But at least the homeless aren't nation-less.
I am angry that our knee jerk reaction to fight terror is to commit terrorism right back- we don't call it that, though. But when you go and bomb a place to get rid of the "bad guys" what is that? How do we know they didn't think they were getting rid of the bad guys?
Why can we not take a minute to see what they are trying to tell us? Maybe they do these awful things to get our attention- why can't we listen to them? Think of the child that acts up in a classroom, I'm thinking of a kid that is in elementary school - do we automatically suspend him because he acted inappropriately? No. We try to understand where he is coming from and fix the problem. I get it, its harder to see so clearly when people have died for seemingly no reason.
Maybe these people had such an awful life where no one cared about them that they thought the only way to fix the problem was to die and to take out as many others as possible because they felt so wronged by the people on this planet that they wanted more people to feel the pain. It worked, right? Facebook has a temporary profile picture. EVERYONE is talking about what happened in France. But more than that, people have started to identify more with hate and anger rather than compassion and empathy. That's where we are going wrong.
