Ive always been a hopeless romantic and thought all the little sayings were cute, but never before have I actually been able to apply those saying to my life- until now. And it is all very scary, I dont understand a lot of whats happening, I am just trying to tread water here, I have fallen for him- that much I know. There is an attraction, we both feel it. He sometimes calls me beautiful and babe, and I melt every time. We have a easy, nice relationship, theres just one problem- the distance. I know people say that long distance relationships are hard, and I get that, ive never doubted that, but I have tried to make plans with him, tried to see him and its not working. I think he wants to see me- or at least thats what he says, but I mean COME ON make the time, ask me to come visit, is it really that hard?
The funny thing is even with this problem of not getting to see one another, I just long to be with him, to spend time with him, its like everytime plans are broken I just want to see him that much more. And its turning into an ache, never before have I had an ache like this. And I dont know what the next step is, I guess its to tell him this- even if I am scared to, because one of two things can happen- either he will understand and make the time to see me, or thats it and I never see him again- or something in between. And though it wouldnt be easy to live with the second option- I will and can deal with whatever outcome happens. I am strong enough to do that.
This post's title is that of a Lady Antebellum song that I have truly fallen in love with- it describes my emotions almost to the T.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
New Poem
"Not 'the End'"
It's funny that because of you
i found a friend who treats me true
a person willing to listen
and keep me woring toward my vision
you weren't the one for me
that much is plain to see
but I am grateful
for all the things that made you hateful
because thats the reason
that ultimately led to my leavin'
i couldnt stand your moods
or lack of eating the occasional junk foods
but i said that i would be your friend
and i would be there til the end
so there i stood
even when it was no longer good
i was there until you stabbed me in the back
still im grateful because i can clearly see all the facts
it wasnt you that i was meant to see
but seeing you helped open my eyes to the world around me
and with any luck
i will be able to open up
let new people in
instead of giving up and saying "the end"
It's funny that because of you
i found a friend who treats me true
a person willing to listen
and keep me woring toward my vision
you weren't the one for me
that much is plain to see
but I am grateful
for all the things that made you hateful
because thats the reason
that ultimately led to my leavin'
i couldnt stand your moods
or lack of eating the occasional junk foods
but i said that i would be your friend
and i would be there til the end
so there i stood
even when it was no longer good
i was there until you stabbed me in the back
still im grateful because i can clearly see all the facts
it wasnt you that i was meant to see
but seeing you helped open my eyes to the world around me
and with any luck
i will be able to open up
let new people in
instead of giving up and saying "the end"
Sunday, June 21, 2009
You've got me runnin wild at heart
I saw a quote yesterday that said "A relationship is about more than finding the right person, its about being the right person" and it stuck with me. It kind of touches on conversations that my roomie and I had last year, she would tell me that I was perfect for *him* but that he wasnt what I needed. And then later in the year, when I met the Gentleman (lol) she told me that he was perfect for me, and that honestly I was good for him too. She said that the Gentleman and I fit together better. It also seems, to me, that my relationship with the Gentleman is growing. Sure sometimes I've been frustrated- mostly when he decides not to call me to tell me whats going on, but over the course of 4 months this person has really helped me grow up- in a way. We talk ALMOST every day and he is generally really sweet, he makes fun of me at appropriate times and is serious at times too, and somehow, right when my head tells me that I should give up he calls me or texts me and its just that little simple touch of communication that melts me all over again. I love the texts first thing in the morning that say "Good morning beautiful" or "good morning babe", but "good morning hot stuff" doesnt quite hit me the same way. lol. I've never been one for pet names, but my god I get butterflies everytime he texts one. haha.
So when I get frustrated I tell myself that this isnt always supposed to be easy, there will be tough times, and its weathering the tough times that makes a person stronger- whether it makes them a stronger individual OR makes the relationship stronger.
Right now though, I am in a comfortable place- he knows I like him, and his best friend tells me he likes me, now we just get to figure out whats next. And at this point, I am ok with a little bit of waiting. So, we shall see how it goes! :)
The title of his post is from "Wild at heart" by Gloriana
So when I get frustrated I tell myself that this isnt always supposed to be easy, there will be tough times, and its weathering the tough times that makes a person stronger- whether it makes them a stronger individual OR makes the relationship stronger.
Right now though, I am in a comfortable place- he knows I like him, and his best friend tells me he likes me, now we just get to figure out whats next. And at this point, I am ok with a little bit of waiting. So, we shall see how it goes! :)
The title of his post is from "Wild at heart" by Gloriana
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Good morning beautiful, I run to you...
I havent posted anything in quite some time... I've sometimes sat down to write but get a little overwhelmed with everything that I want to say, everything that needs to be said, and so discouraged, I save a draft and move on. Its not that I dont want to share- I thrive on being an open book and will tell anyone just about anything about myself, no, the reason I havent posted is just that I have gone through emotional roller coasters in the last few months and though I was diligent on talking about my whole Party Boy situation the more recent hills and valleys are a little more complicated and I dont know who reads this and I really dont want to hurt someone. That being said... I write on.
I just wish that once a relationship that I want to persue was straight forward, but NO, Jessie Carnes CANNOT under ANY circumstances have a straight forward, easy, uncomplicated relationship- I think it might be a rule. And yes I do say that with sarcasm, and a smile on my face.
Another thing that I want to happen is I want someone to TALK to HER... tell her that its not going to work and that holding on to someone just because you dont want to see them with someone else is just plain rude. But I cant be that someone because I am so entangled within the relationship that I speak of, as well as relationships of my own with each parties, that I would be seen as the bad guy, and I dont want that either. I dont go in with the feeling or idea that they arent good for each other, but rather the knowledge that each party is stubborn and holding on too hard to something that doesnt fit. And though I have a DEEP respect for my relationship with one party, as the other party tells me, I sometimes have to put myself first- and that is incredibly hard for me. I am used to being disappointed and hurt, could it be that if I fight for what I want then I can actually have something?! All signs point to yes, but do I DARE get my hopes up?
I feel somewhat like a black hole and know that if given the time I would definitely suck all the life out of myself thinking too hard on the things before me, but thanks to having a job, I am saved for 30 hours out of every week. Sure I think about my situation while at work, but I cant dare dwell on it because I would disappoint those who count on me at work, and I struggle and beat myself up (mentally) when I let others down. Its the worst feeling in the world. That and makind dumb silly mistakes, things that had they not been caught- may have cost a fair amount of money. And I try to forget about my stupid mistakes, but I am not one of those, oops I did something wrong, time to move on types. Nope, I think and agonize over what I have done wrong for hours or even days- eventually I get over it, but like with life in general, it just takes time.
As for the title of this post, its two song titles put together. The Good Morning Beautiful is what a certain someone said to me this morning- and I gotta say, I love to hear it! :) Lets just hope that maybe something will come out of this one. And the I Run to You, is what I woke up singing this morning, and yes if possible I would run to the certain someone mentioned above. But, alas, only time will tell as to how things will go.
Lastly, Happy 5th birthday to my dear neice Taylor, who had surgery yesterday. She seems to be doing fine, hopefully it is NOT a behavioral problem as the doctor indicated and she will get to back to being a "normal" 5 year old girl.
I just wish that once a relationship that I want to persue was straight forward, but NO, Jessie Carnes CANNOT under ANY circumstances have a straight forward, easy, uncomplicated relationship- I think it might be a rule. And yes I do say that with sarcasm, and a smile on my face.
Another thing that I want to happen is I want someone to TALK to HER... tell her that its not going to work and that holding on to someone just because you dont want to see them with someone else is just plain rude. But I cant be that someone because I am so entangled within the relationship that I speak of, as well as relationships of my own with each parties, that I would be seen as the bad guy, and I dont want that either. I dont go in with the feeling or idea that they arent good for each other, but rather the knowledge that each party is stubborn and holding on too hard to something that doesnt fit. And though I have a DEEP respect for my relationship with one party, as the other party tells me, I sometimes have to put myself first- and that is incredibly hard for me. I am used to being disappointed and hurt, could it be that if I fight for what I want then I can actually have something?! All signs point to yes, but do I DARE get my hopes up?
I feel somewhat like a black hole and know that if given the time I would definitely suck all the life out of myself thinking too hard on the things before me, but thanks to having a job, I am saved for 30 hours out of every week. Sure I think about my situation while at work, but I cant dare dwell on it because I would disappoint those who count on me at work, and I struggle and beat myself up (mentally) when I let others down. Its the worst feeling in the world. That and makind dumb silly mistakes, things that had they not been caught- may have cost a fair amount of money. And I try to forget about my stupid mistakes, but I am not one of those, oops I did something wrong, time to move on types. Nope, I think and agonize over what I have done wrong for hours or even days- eventually I get over it, but like with life in general, it just takes time.
As for the title of this post, its two song titles put together. The Good Morning Beautiful is what a certain someone said to me this morning- and I gotta say, I love to hear it! :) Lets just hope that maybe something will come out of this one. And the I Run to You, is what I woke up singing this morning, and yes if possible I would run to the certain someone mentioned above. But, alas, only time will tell as to how things will go.
Lastly, Happy 5th birthday to my dear neice Taylor, who had surgery yesterday. She seems to be doing fine, hopefully it is NOT a behavioral problem as the doctor indicated and she will get to back to being a "normal" 5 year old girl.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)