So I went to a Halloween party dressed up as Lara Croft. And almost immediately after I got there, a guy came up behind me and started saying things like "uh huh" and "oh yea" I got the distinct impression that he was admiring my, um... assets. My first reaction was to ignore him- which is what I actually did. And then later, he said "wanna sit on my lap" as I was walking over near him, looking for something. To say I was uncomfortable would be an understatement. Don't be sly with me, dont appreciate my assets without talking to my face, and for god's sake, dont wear a mask if you want me to think fondly of you- I dont like when I cant see people's faces.
And then I did see this guy's face- he was actually pretty attractive, and he did talk to me and was pretty nice. My bad first impression was smoothed over... or something like that.
But then I thought about it... more and more...
Yes, having a guy appreciate my assets was kind of nice- it doesnt happen often. But then again, it was gross and made me feel like decking the guy. Talk to me, to my face. Dont just be impressed by my body, be impressed by my mind, my intellect, by what I have to offer. Talk to my face, not my butt- because my face is more likely to talk back.... just sayin.
Yesterday, I thought "man, I just really dont know how to act when someone admires me". Today though, today I know that when someone talks to my face, I will react differently. I mean dont get me wrong, Im not that good with face to face interaction, but when someone sticks with me, is willing to break into my bubble, I'll talk to them and I'll be nice and who knows, maybe a connection might even be made.
But you gotta say hi first... I'm not good at making the first move. Haha.
At least I know my limitations?
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Happiness
Sometimes happiness is when you learn to let everything go. Life will happen, either you will get what you want or you won't. Don't agonize over the what if's but do what you can. By all means keep working, just know that end the end what's meant to be will find a way. And, life is good.
I'm living in my happy place these days, and I'm so grateful!
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Wouldn't ya know...
So I'm home after a family vacation- family as in my brothers and their wives and kids were on the trip as well as my parents, 12 bodies in all. And while there were moments that sucked- I didnt get to see my nieces as much as I had hoped - I felt like this was the best family vacation that we have been on as a group (its the 3rd one). I was happy. I am happy.
I had my own room and I didn't feel lonely once. I was with my family- people who love me and I got to talk to others who love me. I didn't feel like the odd one out. I was grateful that I had my own room, my own space. Yes, it would have been fun to have the kids spend the night one night, but that didn't happen and its OK. Often when the family is around I feel lacking because I don't have a significant other or kids. But this time I was so happy. I didn't have to think about anyone but myself- ok, yes, I drove my car down so my parents depended on me some, but still I could go off and do my own thing. I could sit down in my room and read, or take the boys for a walk or watch MY tv shows. I could sit in MY room and do whatever it was that I wanted to do and I LOVED every single moment of it. I could sleep in the middle of the bed, and use all 5 pillows! (The 4 that the hotel provided and the one that I brought.) I felt comfortable and happy and at ease. I felt like I was me. I am the person I am meant to be. Life is truly good.
It made my heart happy to finally feel that way on a family vacation. Usually family vacations are full of angst for me.
And now I feel 2 things simultaneously. 1- I am ready to share my family vacations with a significant other. Things came together on this trip and I didn't hold things back and I felt good and I look forward to going on vacations with my significant other and kids in the future. 2- I am confident that if I DON'T have a significant other when we go on the next trip I will be totally fine and just as happy, if not happier.
I have found peace with where I am, who I am, what I am. There are still many things to come, but I am excited for them, I look forward to them. But until they come, I'm good. I'm in a good place- which is awesome. May you all find your happy places! :)
I had my own room and I didn't feel lonely once. I was with my family- people who love me and I got to talk to others who love me. I didn't feel like the odd one out. I was grateful that I had my own room, my own space. Yes, it would have been fun to have the kids spend the night one night, but that didn't happen and its OK. Often when the family is around I feel lacking because I don't have a significant other or kids. But this time I was so happy. I didn't have to think about anyone but myself- ok, yes, I drove my car down so my parents depended on me some, but still I could go off and do my own thing. I could sit down in my room and read, or take the boys for a walk or watch MY tv shows. I could sit in MY room and do whatever it was that I wanted to do and I LOVED every single moment of it. I could sleep in the middle of the bed, and use all 5 pillows! (The 4 that the hotel provided and the one that I brought.) I felt comfortable and happy and at ease. I felt like I was me. I am the person I am meant to be. Life is truly good.
It made my heart happy to finally feel that way on a family vacation. Usually family vacations are full of angst for me.
And now I feel 2 things simultaneously. 1- I am ready to share my family vacations with a significant other. Things came together on this trip and I didn't hold things back and I felt good and I look forward to going on vacations with my significant other and kids in the future. 2- I am confident that if I DON'T have a significant other when we go on the next trip I will be totally fine and just as happy, if not happier.
I have found peace with where I am, who I am, what I am. There are still many things to come, but I am excited for them, I look forward to them. But until they come, I'm good. I'm in a good place- which is awesome. May you all find your happy places! :)
Sunday, October 06, 2013
My famn damily.
No, that post title is not a typo. Just switch the first letters of the last 2 words... then you're speaking my language.
Its family vacation time again. A time for love, drama and hurt feelings.
The past 2 vacations I've kind of felt the odd one out. I am the odd one out, really... I am the one in her mid twenties thats not married. The one that doesn't exactly have a job. The one that is a perpetual student without a day job. It's been a part of my life, my identity that I've had to deal with, and in the past I havent exactly dealt with it gracefully.
One brother isnt even here yet and some shit has hit the fan. Sigh.
And it sucks, and my brother is being an ass... but you know what? Do you know what I've learned?
That I am lucky. That I have at least 2, maybe 4 kids that adore me and that there are reasons I am not married.
I see so much in the marriages of my brothers, I see and I'm not always jealous- dont get me wrong... I want to be married and I want kids, but my god sometimes the heartaches that happen are so petty, so awful and so stupid.
I know that when and if I get married it wont be perfect, I know that we will have our struggles and fights, but I hope to god that one day my husband tells his sister that he married the love of his life instead of telling his sister that his wedding anniversary is actually the day he made his biggest mistake.
What the fuck, what am I supposed to do with that knowledge. How AWFUL is that? And idiot, if you feel that way- leave her. Dont be miserable and make her miserable- how is that any way to live?
I am lucky to be where I am.
I hope that I find a man who loves me, who I love and who will work with me through issues instead of just blowing up during family vacations.
But for tonight, I will enjoy my simple life- and by simple I just mean unattached. ;)
Its family vacation time again. A time for love, drama and hurt feelings.
The past 2 vacations I've kind of felt the odd one out. I am the odd one out, really... I am the one in her mid twenties thats not married. The one that doesn't exactly have a job. The one that is a perpetual student without a day job. It's been a part of my life, my identity that I've had to deal with, and in the past I havent exactly dealt with it gracefully.
One brother isnt even here yet and some shit has hit the fan. Sigh.
And it sucks, and my brother is being an ass... but you know what? Do you know what I've learned?
That I am lucky. That I have at least 2, maybe 4 kids that adore me and that there are reasons I am not married.
I see so much in the marriages of my brothers, I see and I'm not always jealous- dont get me wrong... I want to be married and I want kids, but my god sometimes the heartaches that happen are so petty, so awful and so stupid.
I know that when and if I get married it wont be perfect, I know that we will have our struggles and fights, but I hope to god that one day my husband tells his sister that he married the love of his life instead of telling his sister that his wedding anniversary is actually the day he made his biggest mistake.
What the fuck, what am I supposed to do with that knowledge. How AWFUL is that? And idiot, if you feel that way- leave her. Dont be miserable and make her miserable- how is that any way to live?
I am lucky to be where I am.
I hope that I find a man who loves me, who I love and who will work with me through issues instead of just blowing up during family vacations.
But for tonight, I will enjoy my simple life- and by simple I just mean unattached. ;)
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