Tonight we had to put down one of our cats. And by our cats I mean my cats.
Kallie. She was an annoying demanding little calico cat that peed on everything- though it wasnt TOTALLY her fault. She was in kidney failure and she was super, super anemic. So instead of waiting for her to get sick and painful, we let her have a good last few days and put her down when she was still able to enjoy life.
Some people might think thats wrong, but waiting for her to get sick would just be selfish on my part.
I cried, though, of course. I loved that cat, it turns out, really loved her.
I will miss her photobombing all of my random pictures. I will miss her annoying meow. And I will miss her randomly sniffing my eyelids- I kid you not. She also liked licking plastic, like plastic Kroger bags. She was not a super lovey dovey cat, but I would often wake up in the morning to find her curled up somewhere near my head. And she purred when I petted her, a chirp-y purr that was totally endearing.
She wasnt even my cat to start with, she was my brother's cat, but she didnt like his wife- he got the cat when he was with a different woman, and I think, personally, Kallie didnt like that he switched women, even if the rest of us did.
When he brought her home, she was pregnant. So we let her have the kittens. 3 orange and whites and a black and white, if I remember right. Then we spayed and declawed her- which is why when she started peeing on everything she didnt get thrown out like the rest of the cats. When my brother moved out, he took her with him, but she started peeing in inappropriate places, so he brought her back. Because I lived in what was his room, she became my cat, and we formed a nice bond.
Euthanizing one of our pets is always hard, and when I am bonded to it, its harder, but Ms. Kallie had a good long life where she was loved and treated right- not every cat, or hell even human can say that for their lives, and so I am confident that she is in kitty heaven somewhere annoying the humans with her demanding wife-y meow- that I personally, became fond of, most days. hah.
So, if you are reading this, give your animals an extra hug tonight, they deserve to feel loved- every one does.
Goodnight friends.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
23 on the 23rd.
And I happened to look at the clock at 4:23, so I made a wish. :)
This birthday was one that I have been looking forward to, I just felt like there was something special about being 23 on the 23rd.
And, get this, I didnt cry today. Its kind of awesome.
In fact my day was super laid back and the only people in my life that I really had face time with were my mom and dad. Some people may not have been satisfied with the simplicity of my day, but for me, it was actually kind of perfect.
My day went like this: I got up and ran some errands and did some nice birthday shopping. Then I had lunch with my momma. After that I came home and relaxed for the rest of the afternoon until my parents got home, we had dinner of ham steak and cornbread. Then mom baked me a heart shaped cake, and she and my dad came out of the kitchen singing to me.
Nothing about my day was actually planned, and I think thats what made it so wonderful.
I wish that others in my life could appreciate the simplicity that made this birthday special. I dont think it would even occur to my sister-in-laws to not plan out a birthday, to just let things happen, but hey, they get to live their lives and I get to live mine.
This birthday was one that I have been looking forward to, I just felt like there was something special about being 23 on the 23rd.
And, get this, I didnt cry today. Its kind of awesome.
In fact my day was super laid back and the only people in my life that I really had face time with were my mom and dad. Some people may not have been satisfied with the simplicity of my day, but for me, it was actually kind of perfect.
My day went like this: I got up and ran some errands and did some nice birthday shopping. Then I had lunch with my momma. After that I came home and relaxed for the rest of the afternoon until my parents got home, we had dinner of ham steak and cornbread. Then mom baked me a heart shaped cake, and she and my dad came out of the kitchen singing to me.
Nothing about my day was actually planned, and I think thats what made it so wonderful.
I wish that others in my life could appreciate the simplicity that made this birthday special. I dont think it would even occur to my sister-in-laws to not plan out a birthday, to just let things happen, but hey, they get to live their lives and I get to live mine.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Its like riding a bike...
So, its my birthday, officially in Eastern Standard time as of 2 minutes, make that 3 minutes ago.
Last week as an early birthday present my mom gave me the means with which to buy myself a new bicycle. It was pretty exciting- yes, I do have the heart of an 10-12 year old, but it was also a little scary. See, I havent been on a bicycle in probably about 10 years, and I dont think I ever really recovered and was comfortable on a bike after my wreck.
Cue the bike wreck story:
Once upon a time, my best friend, neighbor and person who was like my sister and I went for a ride. I had a pretty sweet bicycle that I had gotten, maybe even as a birthday present, and it was lime green and royal blue, I think it was a boys bike but I loved that thing, I rode it quite frequently. But on this particular day we went out to the bus stop but then turned left and went another half mile or so down the road. We get to the top of the big hill and I tell N "I dont want to ride my bike down the hill, its too big and Im kind of afraid I will wreck." She said "Jessie, dont be such a chicken, its just a hill, dont worry about it, just use your brakes and go slow."
So we start down the big scary hill. My handle bars start shaking, violently. And the next thing I know I am more than halfway down the hill face down with my bike about 5 feet away from me and N is asking me if I am alright. I get up to find both knees skinned, 2 nice injuries to my right hand, my left elbow has a huge chunk skin missing and my right elbow is skinned a little bit. I wasnt wearing a helmet- at least I dont think I was, but my head seemed to be fine. And later I would discover a massive bruise on my left hip, from what we figured, the bike landed on me and bounced? who knows. Anyway, we are over a mile from my house and even further from N's, we dont know many of these neighbors but we do know the P's who live right near our bus stop. My bike's front tire was almost folded in half and there was nothing to do but leave it on the side of the road as we went for help. That right, I walked a half mile with super sore knees, bleeding elbows and a bleeding wrist. That walk seemed like it took F-O-R-E-V-E-R, but eventually we made it to the P's and Momma P fixed me up while Daddy P took his car to retrieve my bike. They then drove me home and that was that.
The only problem being that I didnt get back on the bike and now big hills REALLY terrified me. It didnt help at all that our driveway is a big hill. My bike was out of commission, and I think that made me sadder than anything. I would occasionally ride on mom or dad's bikes but they just werent as cool as my bike, and I didnt feel very safe on them.
Fast forward 9ish years and I decide I want to get back on a bike. Fast forward another year and I finally get a new bike.
Now, now I am in my 20's, riding a bike shouldnt be a big deal, but its kind of terrifying. I know I want to ride a bike and get good at it and use it as a form of exercising BUT Im kind of terrified of wrecking. I have been on 3 rides and its been a strange mix of emotions each time. I am excited and happy to get out, feel the wind on my cheeks and be riding a bicycle, but on the other hand, Im not very stable on my bike. I havent wrecked, yet, but I just feel wobbly.
Moral of the story: I am kind of terrified of my new bike, and wrecking, but Im facing that fear head on each time I get on the bike. Perhaps, though, I should buy a helmet... you know take measures to prevent brain damage should I actually wreck. :)
Last week as an early birthday present my mom gave me the means with which to buy myself a new bicycle. It was pretty exciting- yes, I do have the heart of an 10-12 year old, but it was also a little scary. See, I havent been on a bicycle in probably about 10 years, and I dont think I ever really recovered and was comfortable on a bike after my wreck.
Cue the bike wreck story:
Once upon a time, my best friend, neighbor and person who was like my sister and I went for a ride. I had a pretty sweet bicycle that I had gotten, maybe even as a birthday present, and it was lime green and royal blue, I think it was a boys bike but I loved that thing, I rode it quite frequently. But on this particular day we went out to the bus stop but then turned left and went another half mile or so down the road. We get to the top of the big hill and I tell N "I dont want to ride my bike down the hill, its too big and Im kind of afraid I will wreck." She said "Jessie, dont be such a chicken, its just a hill, dont worry about it, just use your brakes and go slow."
So we start down the big scary hill. My handle bars start shaking, violently. And the next thing I know I am more than halfway down the hill face down with my bike about 5 feet away from me and N is asking me if I am alright. I get up to find both knees skinned, 2 nice injuries to my right hand, my left elbow has a huge chunk skin missing and my right elbow is skinned a little bit. I wasnt wearing a helmet- at least I dont think I was, but my head seemed to be fine. And later I would discover a massive bruise on my left hip, from what we figured, the bike landed on me and bounced? who knows. Anyway, we are over a mile from my house and even further from N's, we dont know many of these neighbors but we do know the P's who live right near our bus stop. My bike's front tire was almost folded in half and there was nothing to do but leave it on the side of the road as we went for help. That right, I walked a half mile with super sore knees, bleeding elbows and a bleeding wrist. That walk seemed like it took F-O-R-E-V-E-R, but eventually we made it to the P's and Momma P fixed me up while Daddy P took his car to retrieve my bike. They then drove me home and that was that.
The only problem being that I didnt get back on the bike and now big hills REALLY terrified me. It didnt help at all that our driveway is a big hill. My bike was out of commission, and I think that made me sadder than anything. I would occasionally ride on mom or dad's bikes but they just werent as cool as my bike, and I didnt feel very safe on them.
Fast forward 9ish years and I decide I want to get back on a bike. Fast forward another year and I finally get a new bike.
Now, now I am in my 20's, riding a bike shouldnt be a big deal, but its kind of terrifying. I know I want to ride a bike and get good at it and use it as a form of exercising BUT Im kind of terrified of wrecking. I have been on 3 rides and its been a strange mix of emotions each time. I am excited and happy to get out, feel the wind on my cheeks and be riding a bicycle, but on the other hand, Im not very stable on my bike. I havent wrecked, yet, but I just feel wobbly.
Moral of the story: I am kind of terrified of my new bike, and wrecking, but Im facing that fear head on each time I get on the bike. Perhaps, though, I should buy a helmet... you know take measures to prevent brain damage should I actually wreck. :)
Saturday, April 21, 2012
They said "I do"
A friend got married yesterday.
That whole thing called a wedding seems to be happening to a lot of my friends lately- I suppose thats what happens when you are in your twenties.
And with each wedding I go to, I ponder my own future wedding, assuming that I actually get to have a wedding.
If I am with my parents at a wedding we often end up discussing the size of the guest list, and this is what we know, my wedding is either going to be huge or nope, theres no or, its going to be a big one. And I dont even know who the groom is going to be yet. Hah. Poor guy!
I love the idea of weddings but Im kind of actually a bad wedding guest, I am no good at participating in the festivities, other than going to the wedding and eating the cake!
Anyway. I am not one to dream about my possible future wedding all the time, but there are moments in my life when I think about it, almost obsessively.
I know my colors and the type of venue that I want. But theres one thing that I find a little funny: with each guy that I like, like really like, I come up with a different wedding date. I know, thats a little strange, but at the same time its kind of hilarious.
I hope that I do get to have my wedding someday, but not just a wedding, but a marriage with a person who who will be my partner and companion.
Maybe, if I am lucky, I will get to share the special day with my Payton- yes, I am planning for my dog to be a part of my wedding. :)
That whole thing called a wedding seems to be happening to a lot of my friends lately- I suppose thats what happens when you are in your twenties.
And with each wedding I go to, I ponder my own future wedding, assuming that I actually get to have a wedding.
If I am with my parents at a wedding we often end up discussing the size of the guest list, and this is what we know, my wedding is either going to be huge or nope, theres no or, its going to be a big one. And I dont even know who the groom is going to be yet. Hah. Poor guy!
I love the idea of weddings but Im kind of actually a bad wedding guest, I am no good at participating in the festivities, other than going to the wedding and eating the cake!
Anyway. I am not one to dream about my possible future wedding all the time, but there are moments in my life when I think about it, almost obsessively.
I know my colors and the type of venue that I want. But theres one thing that I find a little funny: with each guy that I like, like really like, I come up with a different wedding date. I know, thats a little strange, but at the same time its kind of hilarious.
I hope that I do get to have my wedding someday, but not just a wedding, but a marriage with a person who who will be my partner and companion.
Maybe, if I am lucky, I will get to share the special day with my Payton- yes, I am planning for my dog to be a part of my wedding. :)
Sunday, April 15, 2012
That moment when
I chose to drink water over soda.
That happened today. Ive been refraining from sodas during the week for the past 3 weeks now and I have almost caved so many times, especially with the stress of tax season but Saturdays and Sundays are soda days and today I grabbed a water to drink instead of my favorite soda, Mello Yello.
Maybe I am changing my ways, one day at a time, one choice at a time.
Also, I've lost 5 pounds, coincidence? I think not.
Its the little things like this that make me happy.
Choosing water, not texting J... this has been a nice week for little changes that are actually huge from my perspective.
May you have your small victories and celebrate them too.
That happened today. Ive been refraining from sodas during the week for the past 3 weeks now and I have almost caved so many times, especially with the stress of tax season but Saturdays and Sundays are soda days and today I grabbed a water to drink instead of my favorite soda, Mello Yello.
Maybe I am changing my ways, one day at a time, one choice at a time.
Also, I've lost 5 pounds, coincidence? I think not.
Its the little things like this that make me happy.
Choosing water, not texting J... this has been a nice week for little changes that are actually huge from my perspective.
May you have your small victories and celebrate them too.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Proud of myself.
So, 1 year ago today J's nephews were born. And I really wanted to text him today, reach out and have that contact again.
But I didnt.
Thats right, I finally made that step where I decided that my life is pretty good just the way it is and I have been down that road 3 times now, I dont need to do it again, thanks.
Yes, friends, I can feel you ALL cheering.
Truth be told, I am cheering too, its kind of a wonderful thing- i think. :)
But I didnt.
Thats right, I finally made that step where I decided that my life is pretty good just the way it is and I have been down that road 3 times now, I dont need to do it again, thanks.
Yes, friends, I can feel you ALL cheering.
Truth be told, I am cheering too, its kind of a wonderful thing- i think. :)
Sunday, April 08, 2012
Brighter than the sun
Its a Colbie Caillet song.
And I woke up singing it this Easter morning. It made my whole day a happy one, especially when I paired the song with my new yellow shirt!
Today was one of my favorite Easters and I cant even explain why it was, it was just a wonderful day.
Unrelated:
As a kid, like any other kid, I wanted a younger sibling, but I knew that my mom had a really difficult pregnancy with me so I didnt want her to have to go through another one. Therefore, I came to the logical decision that my parents should adopt a kid, and that way mom didnt have to go through another pregnancy and I could be a big sister. Obviously, my parents didnt adopt, but that just made me want to adopt so much more. I cant explain it but since I was probably about 7 years old I have wanted to make adoption a part of my life.
For some reason, perhaps its all the young kids that my current coworkers have, I have thought about adoption almost constantly for the past week or two. I know that I am not in a place right now to adopt, but I decided that I want to make sure I know the process that I am going to have to go through.
And for those of you thinking that I dont have control of my life, I know that, but I also think it doesnt hurt to plan, even if it never works the way you think it will.
So last night as I was looking at the process of adoption from another country, I made the decision on which countries I would like to adopt from. I would like to adopt from South Africa- they allow same sex couples adopt (one of the only countries that I saw that allow that) and India- but you have to be at least 30.
Other interesting pieces of information about adoption that I learned. Some countries require that you have some sort of residency as you go through the adoption, some dont care (South Africa) and others insist that you live in that country permanently (Italy) others just want you to be there a little while (India insists on a week of living with the prospective adoptive child).
There are rules not only from each country but also what state you live in. And so far I've found no place where the rules are the same!
There are age limits, some places just require you to be 18 (South Africa), while others require you to be 30 (India). Some places say there can be no more than 43 years between you and the adoptive child and some say that if you are a couple adopting your combined age cannot be over 90 years.
Some countries allow only married people to adopt and they even have rules on how long a couple has to be married before they can adopt- some places its 3 years, others its 5. Some people allow single people to adopt and a lot of places DONT let single men adopt.
There is also something called the Hague convention which sets up standards for intercountry adoptions.
So obviously I have just scratched the surface but I am excited, terrified, and hope that I actually get to go on the journey of adoption.
But again, you dont have to remind me that life doesnt always go as planned, why not? Because I planned to get married at age 23. And while technically I still have 12 months and 15 days to make that happen I just dont see it actually happening. I also planned on having passed all my CPA exams by now (I havent passed 1). So I really get that life doesnt happen the way one might plan for it to, and sometimes you just gotta give yourself more time, but that wont stop me from planning!
Depending on which life track that I get to take, I hope to adopt sometime between the ages of 25 and 30. If I manage to find a man to marry Im fairly certain that I could be convinced to push those ages back just a little bit. But the bottom line is that already, 15 days shy of my 23rd birthday Im feeling the pull to become a mom- even though, logically I know its AT LEAST 3 years away. Yes, I know I just said that I may try to adopt when I am 25 and thats 2 years away but lets be honest and know that the process will likely take more than a year and so while I may start the process when I am 25 I'll likely not actually have a kid til I am 26.
Just throwing this out there, but for a long time, I wanted to be married at 23 and have my first kid at 25 and lets be honest now, it will be a HUGE, mega, ohmygosh surprise if I have a kid before I am 26.
Ok, so hows that for shaking up my normal posts? hah.
And I woke up singing it this Easter morning. It made my whole day a happy one, especially when I paired the song with my new yellow shirt!
Today was one of my favorite Easters and I cant even explain why it was, it was just a wonderful day.
Unrelated:
As a kid, like any other kid, I wanted a younger sibling, but I knew that my mom had a really difficult pregnancy with me so I didnt want her to have to go through another one. Therefore, I came to the logical decision that my parents should adopt a kid, and that way mom didnt have to go through another pregnancy and I could be a big sister. Obviously, my parents didnt adopt, but that just made me want to adopt so much more. I cant explain it but since I was probably about 7 years old I have wanted to make adoption a part of my life.
For some reason, perhaps its all the young kids that my current coworkers have, I have thought about adoption almost constantly for the past week or two. I know that I am not in a place right now to adopt, but I decided that I want to make sure I know the process that I am going to have to go through.
And for those of you thinking that I dont have control of my life, I know that, but I also think it doesnt hurt to plan, even if it never works the way you think it will.
So last night as I was looking at the process of adoption from another country, I made the decision on which countries I would like to adopt from. I would like to adopt from South Africa- they allow same sex couples adopt (one of the only countries that I saw that allow that) and India- but you have to be at least 30.
Other interesting pieces of information about adoption that I learned. Some countries require that you have some sort of residency as you go through the adoption, some dont care (South Africa) and others insist that you live in that country permanently (Italy) others just want you to be there a little while (India insists on a week of living with the prospective adoptive child).
There are rules not only from each country but also what state you live in. And so far I've found no place where the rules are the same!
There are age limits, some places just require you to be 18 (South Africa), while others require you to be 30 (India). Some places say there can be no more than 43 years between you and the adoptive child and some say that if you are a couple adopting your combined age cannot be over 90 years.
Some countries allow only married people to adopt and they even have rules on how long a couple has to be married before they can adopt- some places its 3 years, others its 5. Some people allow single people to adopt and a lot of places DONT let single men adopt.
There is also something called the Hague convention which sets up standards for intercountry adoptions.
So obviously I have just scratched the surface but I am excited, terrified, and hope that I actually get to go on the journey of adoption.
But again, you dont have to remind me that life doesnt always go as planned, why not? Because I planned to get married at age 23. And while technically I still have 12 months and 15 days to make that happen I just dont see it actually happening. I also planned on having passed all my CPA exams by now (I havent passed 1). So I really get that life doesnt happen the way one might plan for it to, and sometimes you just gotta give yourself more time, but that wont stop me from planning!
Depending on which life track that I get to take, I hope to adopt sometime between the ages of 25 and 30. If I manage to find a man to marry Im fairly certain that I could be convinced to push those ages back just a little bit. But the bottom line is that already, 15 days shy of my 23rd birthday Im feeling the pull to become a mom- even though, logically I know its AT LEAST 3 years away. Yes, I know I just said that I may try to adopt when I am 25 and thats 2 years away but lets be honest and know that the process will likely take more than a year and so while I may start the process when I am 25 I'll likely not actually have a kid til I am 26.
Just throwing this out there, but for a long time, I wanted to be married at 23 and have my first kid at 25 and lets be honest now, it will be a HUGE, mega, ohmygosh surprise if I have a kid before I am 26.
Ok, so hows that for shaking up my normal posts? hah.
Monday, April 02, 2012
Phases.
If you know anything about me, its that I go through phases. Times where I blog a lot, and times when I rarely blog. Things like that.
So my current phase is phase all about S.
Hopes and dreams and all that jazz. I just wanna see him again soon. Its been too long.
So my current phase is phase all about S.
Hopes and dreams and all that jazz. I just wanna see him again soon. Its been too long.
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