Things that I am Thankful for:
family
friends
animals that are full of love all the time
music to heal the soul
Basketball
my voice- that sometimes fails me, but its still nice to have one
the children of my life, that are growing up SO fast- soon they will be young adults
heartache- because even though its not fun, its a part of life, and it means that i love something
movies- ones that just put you in whatever mood you feel like you need to be in
the fact that i have a family that loves me
I have so much to live for, and for that I am thankful.
I am troubled though by things that maybe I do that hurt my family and friends, and I wish only that I didnt do them, but I am human and I do make mistakes, so I am sorry.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Trying to stay peaceful
I am sitting in the library at Transy. Its not because I want to be here or even because that I feel that I need to be here to get work done. No, today I am in the library to get away from everything else, and mostly so that I don't go and sit in my room and have a pity party for myself. Is it sad that I sit in the library to avoid my own personal pity party? Eh, it really doesnt matter all that much.
After much nagging by my mother, and really needing to go talk to my Econ Professor, I did actually go to his office to talk to him about my past grade. I was first struck by the amount of STUFF- papers, projects, books- that he had in his office, stacked everywhere, it was actually quite comfortable. But thats where the comfort ended. I got a 60 on the last test, which was brought up to a 65 but still, thats a D and I dont like D's. So I asked him what I could do different, his answer? Spend 4 hours a day outside of class rather than the 1-2 that I am already spending. I cried, yes, as my usual when I go see a professor and dont understand why I am pretty much failing. No, I am not failing his class, in fact I have a fairly nice B, but I still feel like a failure. And all I can think was that I would have been just as lost, and confused and had the same feeling of failure had I not gone and seen him, now its just a deeper sense of failure. I still dont really know what went wrong with the last test, but I do know that I get to go back and read all the information all over again and again. I'm just really upset that he couldnt give me any pointers. Oh well, live and learn right? At least he complimented me on my attitiude towards the class as well as my preparedness for class discussion and such. Maybe that will help bump me to a B+, considering I do well on the final.
Besides Econ, I am just ready to get off campus for a while. I need a break from people, and even my room isnt a place for me to hide right now. Oh well, it will come soon enough, for now though, I must get back to the 100+ pages I have to read for cell and molec. Thats my vent for the day.
After much nagging by my mother, and really needing to go talk to my Econ Professor, I did actually go to his office to talk to him about my past grade. I was first struck by the amount of STUFF- papers, projects, books- that he had in his office, stacked everywhere, it was actually quite comfortable. But thats where the comfort ended. I got a 60 on the last test, which was brought up to a 65 but still, thats a D and I dont like D's. So I asked him what I could do different, his answer? Spend 4 hours a day outside of class rather than the 1-2 that I am already spending. I cried, yes, as my usual when I go see a professor and dont understand why I am pretty much failing. No, I am not failing his class, in fact I have a fairly nice B, but I still feel like a failure. And all I can think was that I would have been just as lost, and confused and had the same feeling of failure had I not gone and seen him, now its just a deeper sense of failure. I still dont really know what went wrong with the last test, but I do know that I get to go back and read all the information all over again and again. I'm just really upset that he couldnt give me any pointers. Oh well, live and learn right? At least he complimented me on my attitiude towards the class as well as my preparedness for class discussion and such. Maybe that will help bump me to a B+, considering I do well on the final.
Besides Econ, I am just ready to get off campus for a while. I need a break from people, and even my room isnt a place for me to hide right now. Oh well, it will come soon enough, for now though, I must get back to the 100+ pages I have to read for cell and molec. Thats my vent for the day.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
I just can't help myself
This morning I got up early to work on my 5 page paper that is due tomorrow. I wasn't getting much done in my room so I decided to go to the local Panera to get some work done. While eating my bagel and settling into my surroundings, I was people watching. I observed a middle aged man, sitting with who I assume to be his wife and possibly daughter. When the younger woman got up from the table this man also stood up. Then when he and his wife were preparing to leave, he got up and help out her coat in order to help her get dressed. Apparently all the gentlemen haven't all gone! I am not one that likes those particular things necessarily but rarely do you get to see them happen in real life!
Anyway, this isn't the only time I have seen some great demonstrations of good men in the past couple of days. Last night a couple of friends and I went to the Transy/Centre basketball game. Transy won, by 2 points. But again, I was people watching. Two of my classmates, who happen to be dating showed up. The girl, had knee surgery just this past week and her boyfriend, well he was very caring. When they walked in he was carrying her purse, then he went and got her food, then he brought her meds to her, he watched over her, making sure that others didnt jostle her knee, but he wasn't hovering. Thats what I feel the most important thing was, no he was standing with his friends, but he would come check on her every 15 minutes or so. It was just pretty darn sweet.
Another thing that happened at the game, happened during halftime. One of Centre's most recent alums came out on the floor, and he proposed to his girlfriend. I gotta say, that would be the BEST proposal in my book! I can only hope that the guy that I end up with would do something similar, I mean baseball games- yea those happen. But proposing at halftime of your College's biggest rivalry game? That was just amazing!
Well, those are my thoughts on the day thus far. I now have to work on the paper that I came to Panera to work on!
Maybe one of these days I will find myself one of the gentlemen that still exist in this world!
Anyway, this isn't the only time I have seen some great demonstrations of good men in the past couple of days. Last night a couple of friends and I went to the Transy/Centre basketball game. Transy won, by 2 points. But again, I was people watching. Two of my classmates, who happen to be dating showed up. The girl, had knee surgery just this past week and her boyfriend, well he was very caring. When they walked in he was carrying her purse, then he went and got her food, then he brought her meds to her, he watched over her, making sure that others didnt jostle her knee, but he wasn't hovering. Thats what I feel the most important thing was, no he was standing with his friends, but he would come check on her every 15 minutes or so. It was just pretty darn sweet.
Another thing that happened at the game, happened during halftime. One of Centre's most recent alums came out on the floor, and he proposed to his girlfriend. I gotta say, that would be the BEST proposal in my book! I can only hope that the guy that I end up with would do something similar, I mean baseball games- yea those happen. But proposing at halftime of your College's biggest rivalry game? That was just amazing!
Well, those are my thoughts on the day thus far. I now have to work on the paper that I came to Panera to work on!
Maybe one of these days I will find myself one of the gentlemen that still exist in this world!
Thursday, November 06, 2008
And Death hits again
Yes, I am experiencing yet another death in my life. My neighbor, George, who was like a grandfather to me has passed away. So many of my childhood memories involve George, and this is almost as important as losing my grandma last year. I think that I have reacted to every death in the past year and a half differently, this time I threw myself into listening to music, when my grandma died my friends surrounded me and had me watch a movie.
What to say about George? He was such an interesting person, definately a southern white man, and someone who was always watching out for me and the rest of the kids in the neighborhood. I remember his chicken coop, and Amber (our shepherd) stealing chickens, I remember riding on his tractor and steering, watching him dig his ponds, trying to teach me to shoot a gun, giving me a puff of a cigarette at age 5 (which was pretty much the best way to keep me from smoking), hanging out in his shop, and all his woodwork. That man was there for everything, my first birthday, helping my mom build things, always a gardener, and watching out for the neighborhood. He followed a vagrant, was there when Shawn fell over his handlebars and knocked out his two front teeth. Eggs, we would always go to his shop and raid his chicken eggs. He was always working on something and mom and I would frequently watch, just for the heck of it. Walking through his shop was like walking into a store where everything was made or fixed by hand. A good ol' boy, he would stop me on my way to the bus stop at 6am and tell me stories about his childhood and riding horses. The smell of his house was unique, and so familiar and cozy. Running over one of his weeping willows with the golf cart- breaking the golf cart but not reall hurting the tree. Chasing horses in his field. Deedee his mean pitbull.
Bottom line? I am going to miss this person, he was probably the best example of a grandfather that has been present throughout my life.
Goodbye George.
What to say about George? He was such an interesting person, definately a southern white man, and someone who was always watching out for me and the rest of the kids in the neighborhood. I remember his chicken coop, and Amber (our shepherd) stealing chickens, I remember riding on his tractor and steering, watching him dig his ponds, trying to teach me to shoot a gun, giving me a puff of a cigarette at age 5 (which was pretty much the best way to keep me from smoking), hanging out in his shop, and all his woodwork. That man was there for everything, my first birthday, helping my mom build things, always a gardener, and watching out for the neighborhood. He followed a vagrant, was there when Shawn fell over his handlebars and knocked out his two front teeth. Eggs, we would always go to his shop and raid his chicken eggs. He was always working on something and mom and I would frequently watch, just for the heck of it. Walking through his shop was like walking into a store where everything was made or fixed by hand. A good ol' boy, he would stop me on my way to the bus stop at 6am and tell me stories about his childhood and riding horses. The smell of his house was unique, and so familiar and cozy. Running over one of his weeping willows with the golf cart- breaking the golf cart but not reall hurting the tree. Chasing horses in his field. Deedee his mean pitbull.
Bottom line? I am going to miss this person, he was probably the best example of a grandfather that has been present throughout my life.
Goodbye George.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Getting my feelings out there
Yes, I was happy with the way the election turned out, but even if it had gone the other way I would have been supportive. I am not a fan of politics and I am not always a fan of the US but I am supportive, and I am not going to move away because an election turned out opposite of what I wanted. I am worried about one thing though, and thats the fact that the democrats have majority in both the house and the senate and we now have a democratic president. For me, this says two things. One: the people have spoken and they are ready for something different, they are ready to let the government try something different, more power to us. But on the other hand, will a democratic majority in both the house and the senate be beneficial? I dont know, we will find out.
Another thing that I wanted to touch on was how everyone is different. America strives on saying that we are accepting, and look we even have an African American president elect but acceptance is more than skin color. I have several gay friends and a few states have taken away more rights for gay people, to me thats not being accepting. And then theres the people who want to move to Canada because Obama got elected, well Canada HAS gay marriage, and Canada HAS universal health care, the only thing you are getting away from is the stuggles to move towards that.
And abortion, I respect how people feel, but that doesnt mean that I understand it. Why would you want to take away a woman's right to choose? As my mom says, "Shouldn't every child be a wanted child?", if you get rid of abortion you are allowing people to bring unwanted children in this world, and yes, putting the children up for adoption is a viable choice but SO many children are orphans in this world, if we keep abortion we are giving the current orphans a better chance. A person that I am very close to had an abortion, and it was the best decision for her at the time, granted she says she would never do that again, but it was what was needed at that point in her life. And honestly, though it might be odd, I think that knowing someone who has had an abortion is a good thing. There is something to be said for going against the grain, and doing what is best for oneself rather than what the world tells you to do.
At the end of the day, my message through this rant is that I respect everyone, and their right of free speech, but we are Americans and we need to support each other, even if we don't agree. If we show other countries that people who disagree on politics can get along and live together in a single country, think of the positive role model that the US becomes. No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes, but learning to overcome and work together is a more important and valuable skill that we need to learn. So heres to the change, to everyone's differences, and looking toward a better future for my friends who are gay- hopefully people will come around, eventually.
Another thing that I wanted to touch on was how everyone is different. America strives on saying that we are accepting, and look we even have an African American president elect but acceptance is more than skin color. I have several gay friends and a few states have taken away more rights for gay people, to me thats not being accepting. And then theres the people who want to move to Canada because Obama got elected, well Canada HAS gay marriage, and Canada HAS universal health care, the only thing you are getting away from is the stuggles to move towards that.
And abortion, I respect how people feel, but that doesnt mean that I understand it. Why would you want to take away a woman's right to choose? As my mom says, "Shouldn't every child be a wanted child?", if you get rid of abortion you are allowing people to bring unwanted children in this world, and yes, putting the children up for adoption is a viable choice but SO many children are orphans in this world, if we keep abortion we are giving the current orphans a better chance. A person that I am very close to had an abortion, and it was the best decision for her at the time, granted she says she would never do that again, but it was what was needed at that point in her life. And honestly, though it might be odd, I think that knowing someone who has had an abortion is a good thing. There is something to be said for going against the grain, and doing what is best for oneself rather than what the world tells you to do.
At the end of the day, my message through this rant is that I respect everyone, and their right of free speech, but we are Americans and we need to support each other, even if we don't agree. If we show other countries that people who disagree on politics can get along and live together in a single country, think of the positive role model that the US becomes. No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes, but learning to overcome and work together is a more important and valuable skill that we need to learn. So heres to the change, to everyone's differences, and looking toward a better future for my friends who are gay- hopefully people will come around, eventually.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)