The Future

I don't know what my future holds, but I know that for some reason my head keeps thinking about the possibilities. So this is my way of keeping track of everything that is swirling in my head. Anyway, if you are actually reading this, just remember that all the situations are hypothetical.
I think I will start with the newest one. I realized today that when my brother's favorite player that he has coached graduates from high school, I will be graduatiing from college. It took me by surprise and was kind of a scary thought because after college I have to actually do something for the rest of my life, which it totally exciting but also, as I said, scary.
Another new one is that I realized that really I don't have to be married before I have a kid. I don't even have to have had a man in my life. I have always wanted to adopt and you know if I feel that I am ready to be a mom and in a comfortable place in life, I can adopt and be a mom. I have thought for a while now that I wanted to be married at 23 and have kids at 25 but if 25 rolls around and I'm not married, it doesn't mean that I cant have a kid. I thought of this because there are several people I know that are 25 or older and they don't have someone in their life. Now they are in no way being held back from life but I have just thought that I would really start my family at that age. That was a fun realization.
Now saying that I can adopt if I dont have someone in my life doesnt mean that I dont WANT someone in my life. I look around and already I have friends that are my age getting married and even my cousin got married at the age of 19, and here 10 years later she is still happily married.

Annoyance

So though I love all my friends and I will listen to anything that they are having problems with and I will answer as honestly as possible, it doesnt mean that I agree with everything. One of my friends, my longest friend, was talking to me yesterday about how lost and sad and upset she is after the guy that she has been seeing for 3 years has turned into a jerk and told her that he didnt want to talk to her anymore. She hurt and that is totally alright, I understand that but she then goes to tell me that life isnt worth it if you are single, and that just kind of irked me. I mean I know that I would love to be with someone and such but seriously why would you want to live for anything other than yourself when you are 19 years old. She said that she didnt have any friends really that she could call because they were all in relationships, and I couldnt help to think well thats why you live for yourself, because thats the way things have been for me for a long time. You just have to get over things like that. Now, I am gonna do everything I can to be there for this person but it just kind of made me mad that she thought life wasnt worth living if you were single, and thats the only way I have lived, so I cant see any other way to live. I mean it would be great if I had someone to share my life with but I dont, and I am ok.

Alright thats my rant for the day. :)

Postsecret

Is it sad that I dont want to post my secrets on facebooks postsecret page because I know how many people will read it. Yet I feel that if I post my secrets here I am safer. I dont understand this, because everyone that I know may just read this blog, but I know of only one person who reads it regularly. So obviously I am not going to share ALL of my secrets but I will share some of them, things that at least someone already knows.
~ I have thought about who would visit me in the hospital if I was there for somereason and have even thought about being injured just to see who would show up, NOW my disclaimer is that I will never do anything stupid or purposeful just to end up in the hospital. I also think about who might show up at my funeral
~ My dad said that he wouldnt make it through the year. This terrifies me, more than anything I want my dad to walk me down the aisle and I want him to be a grandfather to my children, living at least 20 more years. I never had a grandfather and I desperately want him to be there for my kids like he is for my brothers.
~ I am jealous that my brothers are married and have kids. I may not necessarily want the lives that they live but I want someone to love me and I want kids.
~ I am tired of being "just a friend", I want to be loved. But yet somehow I wonder if I am ready for that.
~ I have a timeline for how I want my life to play out, but I dont expect it to work out. I also have a list of qualities that I really want in a guy and the ONE person that I have met that has these qualities probably wont love me.
~ I have an insanely obsessive personality, but it doesnt mean that I am a stalker. I care deeply for the important people in my life, and sometimes I have a one track mind that gets stuck on one person. Usually this doesnt last very long but its there nonetheless.
~ I love traveling but and deathly afraid of traveling alone. I want to see the world but I want to see it with the people in my life.
~ I am very self-conscious of things that put me in front of people, things like dancing or exercising in a gym, yet I am totally fine with talking to a bunch of people.
~ I dont always stand up for myself or the things that I feel strongly about, but I am getting better.
~ My college friends are the closest friends that I have EVER had, yet there are things that I cant tell them.
~ After my grandma died this past year followed by 5 other people that I know I became numb and couldnt cry for the deaths. I only cried for my grandma.
~ I get very frustrated with people who are not observant, most frustrated with my mom. Its because of her that I am SO observant yet I cant teach her the same thing she taught me. And the thing that scares me the most is that when I was talking to the creepy guy she just didnt notice. And I cant help but think that if my dad was there I wouldnt have talked to that creepy guy very long.

And here is where I will stop.

Last Day and reflections

Last night was our last evening in San Antonio so we went out and about. Grandma and I met mom and a new friend at the convention center and then went on a River boat tour, which was fun and semi-relaxing. There was a small child sitting next to me and she kept grabbing me, personally I thought it was funny, the childs mom on the other hand was slightly frustrated. After the river boat tour we slowly meandered to a place for dinner, we were originally going to go to the Rainforest Cafe but it had a 2 hour wait so we walked along riverwalk to find a more available eatery and we ended up at a really expensive somewhat mexican place. Now, this is food that I really dont like to eat, my mom keeps telling my grandma not to worry about me I will find food but really, really it would be nice if just on ONE trip we wouldnt have to go somewhere different for me to find food at all, its a hassle and I dont like watching everyone else eat before I get my chance. But alas, that doesnt happen and so we had lovely dinner conversation, talking about all the fun vet stories, sharing greusome details like how mom's new friend shut her hand in the door and the door was locked and how her pointer finger was barely hanging on and such, WONDERFUL dinner conversation if I say so myself. During this dinner my mom had her first margarita off the top shelf, and made me try it. Honestly alcohol just isnt my thing, the only thing that I have really liked that has alcohol in it was an Amaretto (spelling?) Sour, that was good. But the margarita just had an odd taste, not one that I liked. After the grownups had their dinner it was my turn. The only upside to not finding anything that I like to eat when the grownups eat is that my food is WAY cheaper, seriously, my dinner last night cost LESS than the tip that we left at the grownups dinner, and with my food I get a 10% discount for being a AAA member! So HA! And thats it for our last evening in San Antonio. Oh, over the course of the day my grandma and I walked at least 5 miles.

Now for my reflections, not all having to do with San Antonio. First this trip has time and again put me out of my comfort zone. SO many strangers came up to me and talked to me and I am not just talking about J.J. the creepy cowboy or the black guy at the rent a car counter. I got stopped by two people because of my Kentucky Wildcats shirt, and told to smile again, and was asked to take pictures. I guess this trip I just didnt look real happy, I mean I had a fairly good time, yes I was frustrated with mom and grandma a lot but I still had a good time, but I see myself as a fairly smiley person, so being told to smile just really threw me off! haha. And even though J.J. the cowboy was really creepy and such he made a lot of sense, the things he talked about were true and got me to think a lot. Now I didnt get swept up under his wing and just totally admire the guy, that ISNT what I am saying, and I would have NEVER gone anywhere with him, but because I dont like being rude I really listened to what he was saying and some of the things he said got me to thinking about where I am and even who I want to be and why things happen like they do.
And so branching from that I have thought about all my friendships and how much they mean to me. So everyone out there that I am close to who reads this, know that I love you all very much and as I said in an earlier post, I am only obsessive about your life because I just care that much. And I would do just about anything for everyone of you and am honored when you tell me your deepest secrets, it makes me feel like I have done something right! tee hee.

Now grandma is pacing the hotel room packing things up, so I best get my little butt in gear. I'll write more soon!

The last few days

Its funny how when we have busy days I keep up better with the blog. Anyway the last few days have been fairly calm, the Vet conference started on Wednesday and so grandma and I walked mom to the conference and then came back to the hotel and watched a movie and just kind of hung out, we then went and picked mom up and we all ate dinner and didnt really do much more than that.

Yesterday we woke up, took mom to the convention and hung out and read while she had her first morning sessions, then we went to the exhibit hall and got LOTS OF FREE STUFF!! Then while mom attended a couple more sessions before lunch grandma and I went and hung out at the mall, we walked around the mall for about 2 hours! We met mom for lunch, and mom bought me some BOOTS! :) Real boots from Texas, I'm SO excited to get them- they didnt have the right color so they ordered them for me and are going to send them to me in the mail. After another round in the exhibit hall grandma and I came back to the hotel and watched another movie, and again, didnt really do anything. Mom stayed later this time for a Wine and Cheese and she got drunk, so we had to go get her!

Today mom woke up late, and grandma and I stayed in the hotel for the morning, and then we met mom for lunch and walked ALL OF RIVER WALK! And then we stopped by a little shoppy thing and I broke down and bought a nice sterling silver ring- I have been a little quick at spending money, imagine that. Anyway after our walk- which was about 3 miles overall, grandma and I are back in the hotel just relaxing.

Convention Center, Art Museum and J.J the (Creepy) Cowboy

Yesterday, Tuesday, we had a lazy beginning to the day. I somehow got mom and grandma to watch some random movie and then we decided to go see where the convention center was so that mom could find her way back and forth. And I admit I was not in the best of moods but I was trying hard not to let it show, so I stayed ahead and just tried to calm myself down for most of the day. I felt bad for not being in a great mood but I was trying to put it behind me, mom and grandma however commented on it everytime we stopped somewhere, needless to say that didnt help the mood, but anyway we checked out the convention center and Hemisfair park, where the world fair took place 40 years ago, and we were just meandering around taking our time getting back to the hotel, stopping to eat and such.
Once back to the hotel we just hung out for about 20 minutes, then we headed to the art museum. In the parking lot we got in another fight and I told them that I just liked walking by myself. BIG MISTAKE. The museum was nice, for the first 3 collections anyway, but then while I was sitting down waiting for mom and grandma some random guy came up to talk to me, and it wasnt necessarily a bad conversation but when mom and grandma passed me and DIDNT notice it, nor try to get me out of the situation I started to panic. The guy was telling me how I i should be an artist and that people dont live up to their potential because of fear. All in all most of what he said made sense, up to the point where he told me that it was God's plan that he and I were talking right then. I mean I believe that everything happens for a reason, and meeting him was creepy and such but I got a lot out of the the conversation. But anyway, FINALLY he let me go and I really started to panic because I didnt know where my mom and grandma were and I didnt have my cell phone and I knew that they wouldnt leave without me but I just needed to find them because that man had truly freaked me out. I look back on it as almost an out of body experience. But anyway, I find mom and grandma and burst into tears. I was so frustrated with them because they hadnt paid attention, and it isnt really their fault, they just DONT pay that close attention to things around them, but god it scared me because I do, and I was VERY aware of when they left me. I had been counting on them to be my escape and they didnt notice that the creepy guy was talking to me. They feel bad but so do I, after all I had JUST told them that I liked walking alone. But see what I meant is that I like being quiet and thinking about things, I dont like to talk constantly, and they do, and after a while the noise of chatter gets on my nerves. SO I learned my lesson, to not be so snappy and to understand that maybe I am hurting their feelings without wanting to, and for that I am sorry. But I wish that they would learn to be more aware of things around them, I think that this episode also scared them so maybe they will be more aware. That and my mom gave me a lecture on how it is ok to be rude to strangers, especially if they are creepy.
Anyway, I think that is about it for what happened yesterday, tomorrow morning I plan to post today's happenings... nothing to get too excited about though!

Panera, Botanical Gardens, Wildlife Ranch and Bertha

Today we started by going to Panera breads for breakfast. We had a really cheerful cashier and that put me in a good mood for the day! After breakfast we went to the Botanical Gardens here in San Antonio, we probably spent two to three hours there, it was beautiful and fun. They had random gardens, a rose garden, and 3 native Texas gardens. Our favorite was the Texas Hills garden, reminded us of home. The best part of the botanical gardens, in my mind was feeding the ducks and turtles. The first time I fed the animals it was just 4 ducks and they were very friendly and demanding, but demanding in the nicest way of course!! It was fun they were mallards of course. Then we walked further around the pond and found another feeding spot. My generous grandma gave me some more quarters to feed the ducks and the next thing I know a Red Eared (spelling?) Slider was on the bank eating some of the food that I had dropped. It really took me by surprise. :)So I then started trying to feed the turtles as well as the ducks and ended up with 6 ducks and about 13 turtles. WOW. I really dont know why but that was my favorite part of the botanical gardens!! :) After walking around we went to the gift shop! And thank goodness we had grandma, just kidding. But grandma splurged and bought herself a shirt that cost over 100 dollars and said that since she was splurging that we could splurge too, so I got a nice Dragonfly totebag and little turtle, to remind me of the feeding fest.
From there we went to the Wildlife Ranch and that was fun. Wow where to start? Well we get our tickets and our bags of food. We pass some giraffes which arent with the rest of the animals, though we arent sure why, maybe because they are just SO BIG. But still there are giraffes there and we got to see them, lots of adults and some babies as well. Then we start driving in the wild areas, where all the other animals are loose, allowed to just wander around. The food that we are given is supposed to be thrown at the animals but the animals were real friendly so we ended up hand feeding them. The first thing that I hand fed was a Barasingha deer. We then saw lots and lots of other animals, including, Watusi cows, the famous Texas Longhorns, some Bison, Kudu, Springbok, Gemsbok, Formosan Sika, Elk, Scimitar Horned Oryx, Nilgai, Wildebeest (there were VERY cute, VERY young babies!!!), Aoudad, a Rhino, Bactrian Camels (a baby one here too, a Cape Buffalo- BIG, Ostrich- which tried to come in the car, NOT my idea of fun, and therefore I was called a sissy by my mom and grandma because I was unwilling to feed the Ostriches, Rhea, Emu, Donkeys, Addax, Llamas and my favorites the Damaraland Zebras. There was a whole herd of zebras and they understood that cars=food. So they would come up to the cars and DEMAND food, I was all to willing to comply!! There were several youngsters here too and feeding the Zebra's was my highlight of the whole park, well that and 2 cute guys but thats besides the point! The zebras also tried to get into the car, getting their WHOLE head in the car and demanding food; they were also tame enough to pet and that was just so much fun.
Bertha is our GPS system that is just wonderful, she has gotten us all around Texas, well with my help of course!! haha. Bertha doesn't always go the way I want her to so I force her to recalculate when I dont do things her way! But we like Bertha and she is a big help!
After the wildlife park we came back to the hotel, stopping at wal-mart for essentials.
We chilled in the room for a while and then went down to swim and that was nice, a good way to relax. Mom and grandma were asleep at about 9:30 and I only made it to 10 before I turned everything off and fell asleep myself.

Riverwalk

Apparently San Antonio is pretty well known for their River walk which is actually about 20 feet below the city, and its really neat. We went exploring it some earlier in the day, theres tons of eatery's along it and I think its just pretty soothing. Not sure why exactly but soothing nonetheless. This time while walking I decided that I was feeling firly, which never happens for those of you who dont know me, lol, and so I wore a skirt!! Amazing huh? I thought so... anyway we had a good walk down along the river, although we didnt go very far. Anyway we had fun, and I felt girly. OOH we also saw a pretty cute guy and he was wearing a kilt!! :) good times... Alright that's all I had to say really about Riverwalk.

San Antonio, flight and Day 1

So now its the middle of the day and very hot in this nice Texas town, and we are inside trying to stay cool, mom and grandma are sleeping and I am watching Pirates of the Caribbean, Curse of the Black Pearl.
Today started early for us, we were up at 4 and left the house at 4:30, at the airport at 5 and flew out at 7. Our first plane was just from Louisville to Charlotte N.C. it was the first flight that I can remember actually falling asleep on and even being fairly comfortable. And our layover was relatively pleasant as well, it was about an hour and a half and thats where we had brunch. I had a fruit bowl with pineapple!! It was good, and a sweet tea from Starbucks, also very good. Anyway the flight from Charlotte to San Antonio was about 2 and a half hours and there was a teenage boy infront of me maybe 13-14. He was very talkative and somewhat annoying and pointing out EVERYTHING to his mom, but then he got some music going and was quiet! I also slept quite a bit on that flight as well. So we get to San Antonio, get in the shuttle that will take us to our rental car place and the first words spoken to me by someone other than my mom or grandma in Texas is "smile". This black guy that was on our shuttle bus saw me and said smile, so I did. Then while we were waiting for our car, a Ford Fusion, he asked me how old i was. TALK ABOUT RANDOM. That question totally threw me off. But he insisted that he was just trying to cheer me up, apparently I looked like I wasn't very happy. So then drove to the hotel, which is a really nice, OLD hotel and its across the street from the Alamo, I can see the wall of the Alamo from our room!! Exciting.
After checking in and such we went exploring, which included seeing the Alamo, making a trip to the Del Sol shop and walking around river walk and eating. We at at some British Pub and there was a table next to us with some really drunk people so drunk that they were cut off from the bar. Kind of interesting to watch them.
Grandma was having shoe issues and so we came home for the hot part of the day. I think we plan to go out walking and exploring later. Until then... have fun!!