Not in a bad way... I just want to try something new, different, completely out of my comfort zone.
I wanna move to Washington DC and go to grad school.
Tonight, I start on that journey.
Not physically, just mentally.
I start my plan: take and PASS the CPA exams, take the GMAT, get into grad school, find a part time job, find a place to live, go to grad school at a place that is literally down the street from where my mother grew up.
It feels right, so now I just have to actually work at it, and achieve my goals, dreams, etc.
Also, completely unrelated, there was an anesthesia board meeting at the place where I work tonight, Im really thinking that marrying an anesthesiologist wouldnt be too terrible. And no I didnt need spell check to help me spell that! :) Fun fact 93: When I was 10 I wanted to be an anesthesiologist, for 2 reasons 1. it was fun to say and 2. starting salary was $100,000
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Sappy country songs are my life.
Its true, country songs can make me cry and I can relate to too many of them.
In other news, it really bothers me that I have 5 followers on this blog but when I click, it only shows me 4 people. Number 5, who are you?
Things I havent told you-the blogging world:
1. I have 6 chicks growing up in a cage that I built, in my room. Someday soon I really need to get them an outside cage, but Im working 10 hour days 6 days a week and theres no time to fix the outside cage, so inside they stay. And they chirp and are mostly endearing, except when the chirping wakes me up and I want to scream at them, but I do my best mother hen voice and ask them nicely to be quiet because I have to get up to go to work and I want my last 20 minutes of sleep.
2. Im starting an ewe adventure Sunday. I am getting 2 ewe lambs, a black one and a white one. Im going to be totally original and name them Ebony and Ivory. And every time that I say those names, I am reminded of the movie Racing Stripes when the fly starts singing that song at the racetrack. If you havent seen Racing Stripes, its a good one to watch with a 4 year old, its cute. I really enjoyed it, but Im just 4 years old, or something.
3. I need more synonyms for "wonderful" I go to work and whenever anyone asks me how I am I tell them I am "wonderful" but thats getting old. I have also used "fantastic" and I am currently on a "stellar" kick, but I need more words!
4. In an effort to be more conscious of my eating habits I have cut sodas out of my diet during the week. Its easier during the week, than the weekend, go figure. Anyway, week one was a pretty good success, I drank a lot of sweet tea, but no sodas and even on the weekend I had a total of 4 sodas... which for me, is not TOO terribly bad. Its not great, but its not bad. The next challenge is tomorrow I am going to try to drink nothing but water! We shall see how THAT works out.
5. Work wise, I am in one of the most bizarre places... not physically. No, I have a good job at a place where I love all the people BUT, I dont know if I will have a job come April 18th.
Alrighty, well Im exhausted... I am going to bed goodnight friends and mysterious number 5.
In other news, it really bothers me that I have 5 followers on this blog but when I click, it only shows me 4 people. Number 5, who are you?
Things I havent told you-the blogging world:
1. I have 6 chicks growing up in a cage that I built, in my room. Someday soon I really need to get them an outside cage, but Im working 10 hour days 6 days a week and theres no time to fix the outside cage, so inside they stay. And they chirp and are mostly endearing, except when the chirping wakes me up and I want to scream at them, but I do my best mother hen voice and ask them nicely to be quiet because I have to get up to go to work and I want my last 20 minutes of sleep.
2. Im starting an ewe adventure Sunday. I am getting 2 ewe lambs, a black one and a white one. Im going to be totally original and name them Ebony and Ivory. And every time that I say those names, I am reminded of the movie Racing Stripes when the fly starts singing that song at the racetrack. If you havent seen Racing Stripes, its a good one to watch with a 4 year old, its cute. I really enjoyed it, but Im just 4 years old, or something.
3. I need more synonyms for "wonderful" I go to work and whenever anyone asks me how I am I tell them I am "wonderful" but thats getting old. I have also used "fantastic" and I am currently on a "stellar" kick, but I need more words!
4. In an effort to be more conscious of my eating habits I have cut sodas out of my diet during the week. Its easier during the week, than the weekend, go figure. Anyway, week one was a pretty good success, I drank a lot of sweet tea, but no sodas and even on the weekend I had a total of 4 sodas... which for me, is not TOO terribly bad. Its not great, but its not bad. The next challenge is tomorrow I am going to try to drink nothing but water! We shall see how THAT works out.
5. Work wise, I am in one of the most bizarre places... not physically. No, I have a good job at a place where I love all the people BUT, I dont know if I will have a job come April 18th.
Alrighty, well Im exhausted... I am going to bed goodnight friends and mysterious number 5.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Dancing away with my heart
We have now passed the 3 year non-iversary. It was a pretty average day.
Im still thinking of J every day. My thoughts are becoming more happy, we were friend thoughts and becoming less of the heartbroken, sorrowful, I lost this boy out of my life thoughts.
Its funny I gave my new co-workers a quick recap of my and J's dance of not actually becoming more than friends and they were like "maybe hes not out of your life forever". That gave me pause. First I thought "omg what if they are right, what if hes not out of my life, I dont know if I can handle him potentially breaking my heart again." And then, I was like "Ok, what if hes not permanently out of my life, this could be interesting, maybe we really were the right people at the wrong time." And then I went on with my day. Thats the blessing of where I am now, I think about J but mostly its in passing and not really something that I dwell over for hours out of my day.
As for J, hes recently changed jobs, PetSmart now instead of Tractor Supply... and forgive me, but PetSmart is less of a turn on so to speak. I loved that he worked at Tractor Supply, I loved that he drove a Jeep Wrangler, and now neither of those things are true! Yea, so Im kinda shallow, Im human, its allowed! :)
Anyway, he also is recently out of a relationship with a one Ms. Cat. Not kidding Kitty Cat is the ex's name. It makes me giggle a little bit that he doesnt hold relationships very long, and usually hes only with someone when he and I arent on speaking terms. No, I havent contacted him, nor has he contacted me, but now Im kind of prepared for that whole what if hes not out of my life forever idea.
SO universe... I am ready, for whatever my future brings, J or no J.
Also, I think that the fact that I have a job that is slowly starting to completely consume my life makes it easier to live in the moment.
So, J if you read this, still, I hope that you are doing well and that you are happy.
Im still thinking of J every day. My thoughts are becoming more happy, we were friend thoughts and becoming less of the heartbroken, sorrowful, I lost this boy out of my life thoughts.
Its funny I gave my new co-workers a quick recap of my and J's dance of not actually becoming more than friends and they were like "maybe hes not out of your life forever". That gave me pause. First I thought "omg what if they are right, what if hes not out of my life, I dont know if I can handle him potentially breaking my heart again." And then, I was like "Ok, what if hes not permanently out of my life, this could be interesting, maybe we really were the right people at the wrong time." And then I went on with my day. Thats the blessing of where I am now, I think about J but mostly its in passing and not really something that I dwell over for hours out of my day.
As for J, hes recently changed jobs, PetSmart now instead of Tractor Supply... and forgive me, but PetSmart is less of a turn on so to speak. I loved that he worked at Tractor Supply, I loved that he drove a Jeep Wrangler, and now neither of those things are true! Yea, so Im kinda shallow, Im human, its allowed! :)
Anyway, he also is recently out of a relationship with a one Ms. Cat. Not kidding Kitty Cat is the ex's name. It makes me giggle a little bit that he doesnt hold relationships very long, and usually hes only with someone when he and I arent on speaking terms. No, I havent contacted him, nor has he contacted me, but now Im kind of prepared for that whole what if hes not out of my life forever idea.
SO universe... I am ready, for whatever my future brings, J or no J.
Also, I think that the fact that I have a job that is slowly starting to completely consume my life makes it easier to live in the moment.
So, J if you read this, still, I hope that you are doing well and that you are happy.
Friday, March 09, 2012
Home, Just A Kiss, Cowboy Cassanova
Those were the songs that I heard coming home from Tractor Supply tonight, while my thoughts were consumed by that J person. (Pretty sure I got home just by autopilot, thats how focused I was on "him")
Its gonna be a long month, I think. The non-iversary month, as Im going to call it, and feel free to roll your eyes, sigh loudly, and move on... which is something that I wish I could do, but I havent- yet.
I still miss him. Obviously. And its taking every ounce of my willpower to NOT text him today.
Its gonna be a long month, I think. The non-iversary month, as Im going to call it, and feel free to roll your eyes, sigh loudly, and move on... which is something that I wish I could do, but I havent- yet.
I still miss him. Obviously. And its taking every ounce of my willpower to NOT text him today.
Wednesday, March 07, 2012
No February and now March
My life has changed in the past year, big time. I mean there have been subtle little changes, and larger more life altering changes. And yet, theres that one person, who is no longer in my life, that I keep thinking about. That I keep wanting to talk to. And I KNOW hes out of my life, and it is for the better, but that doesnt mean I have to be happy about it every second of every day. Im allowed to think that it sucks now and then. And Im also allowed to laugh at myself when the moment that Im thinking about him the hardest the radio comes on with a song that says, more or less, "I know you miss him, but he aint worth missing."
Hah, isnt that the truth?
Deep sigh.
Life goes on. Even happily ever after. And still I want the idea of him. Thats it. I dont even know if hes the same person that I originally fell for 3 years ago- I am inclined to say that hes not, but still the idea that I have in my head of him is amazing. Wonderful, and just makes me smile. Hopefully the next guy that really catches my fancy will be better, will eradicate this guy for good. Im not saying I want to forget the memories because they are a part of me, like the scars from my bike wreck, these memories have a part in making me who I am today. But on the other hand, I need to live in the present and look forward to the future and let the past be the past. No pining, no whining, just fun, just done.
Things that arent helping me right now?
1. The fact that Lady Antebellum keeps writing songs that remind me of him. Their latest: Dancin Away with my heart has the following lyrics:
I haven't seen you in ages
Sometimes I find myself
wondering where you are
for me you'll always be 18
and beautiful and dancing away with my heart
I brushed your curls back so I could see your eyes
And the way you moved me was like you were in my mind
I can still feel you lean into kiss me
I can't help but wonder if you ever miss me
OK... So I didnt know him when I was 18, and we never "danced" but the other parts pretty much speak truths.
2. Our non-iversary is coming up. Yep March 21. And we all know how I get weak in March and reach out to him. So this is my goal: DONT DO IT JESSIE. DONT TEXT HIM DONT REACH OUT TO HIM! So far, so good. But then we are only on day 7 of March... 21 more days to go!
I am sorry I circled back to "him" but when I talk about him here, I dont feel guilty. I just dont talk about him in person, in public anymore- and thats ok... but I need to get out my comments, thoughts etc, somewhere!
Hah, isnt that the truth?
Deep sigh.
Life goes on. Even happily ever after. And still I want the idea of him. Thats it. I dont even know if hes the same person that I originally fell for 3 years ago- I am inclined to say that hes not, but still the idea that I have in my head of him is amazing. Wonderful, and just makes me smile. Hopefully the next guy that really catches my fancy will be better, will eradicate this guy for good. Im not saying I want to forget the memories because they are a part of me, like the scars from my bike wreck, these memories have a part in making me who I am today. But on the other hand, I need to live in the present and look forward to the future and let the past be the past. No pining, no whining, just fun, just done.
Things that arent helping me right now?
1. The fact that Lady Antebellum keeps writing songs that remind me of him. Their latest: Dancin Away with my heart has the following lyrics:
I haven't seen you in ages
Sometimes I find myself
wondering where you are
for me you'll always be 18
and beautiful and dancing away with my heart
I brushed your curls back so I could see your eyes
And the way you moved me was like you were in my mind
I can still feel you lean into kiss me
I can't help but wonder if you ever miss me
OK... So I didnt know him when I was 18, and we never "danced" but the other parts pretty much speak truths.
2. Our non-iversary is coming up. Yep March 21. And we all know how I get weak in March and reach out to him. So this is my goal: DONT DO IT JESSIE. DONT TEXT HIM DONT REACH OUT TO HIM! So far, so good. But then we are only on day 7 of March... 21 more days to go!
I am sorry I circled back to "him" but when I talk about him here, I dont feel guilty. I just dont talk about him in person, in public anymore- and thats ok... but I need to get out my comments, thoughts etc, somewhere!
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