No February and now March

My life has changed in the past year, big time. I mean there have been subtle little changes, and larger more life altering changes. And yet, theres that one person, who is no longer in my life, that I keep thinking about. That I keep wanting to talk to. And I KNOW hes out of my life, and it is for the better, but that doesnt mean I have to be happy about it every second of every day. Im allowed to think that it sucks now and then. And Im also allowed to laugh at myself when the moment that Im thinking about him the hardest the radio comes on with a song that says, more or less, "I know you miss him, but he aint worth missing."
Hah, isnt that the truth?
Deep sigh.
Life goes on. Even happily ever after. And still I want the idea of him. Thats it. I dont even know if hes the same person that I originally fell for 3 years ago- I am inclined to say that hes not, but still the idea that I have in my head of him is amazing. Wonderful, and just makes me smile. Hopefully the next guy that really catches my fancy will be better, will eradicate this guy for good. Im not saying I want to forget the memories because they are a part of me, like the scars from my bike wreck, these memories have a part in making me who I am today. But on the other hand, I need to live in the present and look forward to the future and let the past be the past. No pining, no whining, just fun, just done.

Things that arent helping me right now?
1. The fact that Lady Antebellum keeps writing songs that remind me of him. Their latest: Dancin Away with my heart has the following lyrics:


I haven't seen you in ages 
Sometimes I find myself
wondering where you are
for me you'll always be 18 
and beautiful and dancing away with my heart

I brushed your curls back so I could see your eyes
And the way you moved me was like you were in my mind
I can still feel you lean into kiss me
I can't help but wonder if you ever miss me


OK... So I didnt know him when I was 18, and we never "danced" but the other parts pretty much speak truths.

2. Our non-iversary is coming up. Yep March 21. And we all know how I get weak in March and reach out to him. So this is my goal: DONT DO IT JESSIE. DONT TEXT HIM DONT REACH OUT TO HIM! So far, so good. But then we are only on day 7 of March... 21 more days to go!

I am sorry I circled back to "him" but when I talk about him here, I dont feel guilty. I just dont talk about him in person, in public anymore- and thats ok... but I need to get out my comments, thoughts etc, somewhere!