Memorial Day

So as you all probably know today is Memporial Day. Its sad that more people don't really celebrate it. Its not the most important but I think that we should do something more for those that we are supposed to be remembering. Most of us just like this holiday because it shows the start of summer and if your still in school this late, which I am, you get out for the day. Well thats my thoughts on Memorial Day.
And here is my life update. For a while I was emailing a friend with my life update and well thats pretty sad, so I have decided to share my life with everyone and anyone who wants to read it. So here goes.
I am finishing my junior year of high school and naturally looking at college things. I visited Murray State earlier this year and I REALLY liked it. I think that is my first choice of college and it has everything that I am even remotely intersted in. So thats how I stand on college. Murray allows you to apply right after your Junior year, so as soon as they send me the application thats what I'm going to do.
Other news. I have a lot of friends but theres one thing that I'm missing. A really good friend. See theres things that I cant really tell my friends at school and most people have a really good friend. I thought that I found that but it turns out that I didnt. There is one person that is really close to eing that person and I really hope that we stay close.
Then theres the whole boyfriend thing. I feel that if I have a boyfriend that hes important but my friends are just as important. I know that theres the strong possibility that a boyfriend wont last for life, at least not at this point in time. So when I had a boyfriend I would make time for my friends too and other people just dont get that. They feel as if their friends should either accept that they have a boyfriend or they shouldnt be as good friends. There is a flaw in this way of thinking. What if you and the guy break up, you've alienated your friends because you dont spend time with them, granted some friends will come to your rescue, but people should know that I'm not one of those friends. I dont want to be wanted only when my friends are single. I am a loyal friend and I understand spending time with your boyfriend but you can also spend time with me, without your boyfriend.
I guess thats all I'm going to say today, for now. Til next time........
Jessie

So Damn Tired

I'm so damn tired of the way that life seems to throw you down once you have picked yourself up from the last fall. It seems as if as soon as you get on your feet your falling again. I love being who I am. I feel as if I live a pretty good life and even though I would love to have a guy, I know that I will be okay without one. So for the fun of it heres a poem, if I can think of something....

Next
What happens next
i feel as if everything has collapsed
life has thrown a couple of weird twists
but so far i have come through them
hopefully i can learn from these
i know that for now i'll be ok
you may shoot me down
you might scare me
but i will be ok
whether it is today or 5 years away
i will learn from this
i will be ok
i know that i don't need you
or any guy for that matter
still it would be nice if someone liked me
like that
oh, its not today
and maybe it wont be tomorrow
but whenever it comes i will be ready
but for now im letting go
of the past ones that i have liked
im moving on
to what the future might hold
so until i find the one
im letting go of the wrongs

Ok do that isn't my best work, but there are some weird things that I am trying to work out and they are kind of clouding my other thoughts. If this poem scares you because you think that it might be about you, I'm sorry, but DEAL WITH IT. So that's it for now, til next time......

Jessie

You Don't know me

For those of you out there who think that they know me really well, let me tell you something. First when I find a person that I haven't seen in a really long time and they give me their email I make an effort to stay friends with them, yea sometimes that means that I write a lot of emails, so sue me. Two when I wrote poetry its for me. If I write it about you that just means that you inspired me. DON"T TAKE IT SO PERSONALLY!! Three, if I frighten you, then tell me. I can and will back off and its not the end of the world. Thats my point for now. Til next time.....

Jessie

High on a Broken Heart

Well most of you know that I like Nathan, and now he knows. That right, I finally got the balls to tell him that I like him. I was regected as usual but I am truly happy about it in a weird way. I don't know how t oexplain it but its a realief to know where we stand on the issue. i hope someday Nathan reads this and understands that even though I may be sad I have not been totally broken. I am a strong person and I am glad for what I did. I truly hope he doesn't totally ignore me now that he knows. Another thing that he should know if he is reading this is that I am content in a weird way. I don't know how to explain it but I think that this issue has already helped me be a better person because now I know that even when I am shot down i don't have to be totally battered. I am a happy person and Nathan if you are reading this I want you to know that I am happy to be your friend and only your friend. Please don't think that this is phony. I am truly high on a broken heart, I am happy for the life and friends that I have and thank you Nathan for NOT liking me, in that way. Anyway thats enough for now. Til next time I am High on a Broken Heart and proud of it!!

Jessie

Happy Day

Today I got my Senior ring. Now you must understand that I am not a jewelry person, not at all. Partially this is because I am allergic to fake jewelry and gold and partially because well, I just don't really like it except for on special occasions. I don't know how long the novelty of my Senior ring will last but for now I am really excited. Mine is a pretty traditional ring and the stone is my birthstone (Diamond) but it isn't a real diamond. Just a fake but still cool. Well on one side is my name and 2007 and on the other side is Cougars and a picture of a cougar. I know its kind of boring but I didn't really like anything else that I could put on it. Anyway I think that I'm done gushing about my ring now. And I really have nothing else to say. So til next time....

Jessie

That time of year

Its that time of year again
the time when you are finishing the school year
when you say goodbye for the summer
maybe for longer
the time when you reflect on the past year
and everything that you have done
you think about the people you have just met
and the ones that you will never forget
the ones that you have known forever
and the ones that you are just starting to know
wow its been an interesting year
now you look forward to next year
and all the potential it holds
its nice to have an ending
but nicer to see the beginning
for those in high school
this is the start of your life
what you do from now on
is who you are
remember that for the next years
for now you are only a junior
its amazing what can happen
but remember to always be prepared
for good or for bad
this IS your ife
no matter what choices you make
make the ones that you think are best
but remember to listen to your heart every now and then

This poem is for all those juniors and possibly the seniors that are finishing their school year and looking forward to either their last summer as high school students or their first as college students. To all of you, have a wonderful summer and life.

Jessie

Today

So today wasn't the greatest day. I had to give a fifteen minute presentation in front of the entire class and it was really good. I wasn't nervous at all which is very unusual for me. Usually I'm shaking really badly when I have to give a talk. Then I got invited to an awards ceremony. It was really cool. Then I had to work which was blak but when I came home my day got worse. I heard from Nathan and I'm not able to pick him up, that made me sad. But then I thought that maybe I was overbearing. But I got mad at him and also sad. I felt as if he was pushing me away and it really makes me sad. I know that he prolly wasn't pushing me away but after something bad happens I tend to give up and not fight for what I want. I guess I just need to keep asking. Maybe eventually he will tell me what he wants from me. Just friends, which is always a heartbreaker, or more than that which would make me estatic. Anyway thats my thoughts on the day.
Jessie

Wow, im on the ball

So I really don't have that much to say. Maybe I'll be able to write a poem.
Waiting
These past few weeks I've been waiting
Waiting to see you again
it hasn't been that long
but I feel as if its been another year
we've kept in better touch
and its only made me feel closer to you
now I just want to spend all my time with you
I know it might sound silly
but its true
I think I've fallen for you
If its wrong
then I guess ill enventually get over it
so for now I'll just have to wait some more
I'll wait til you come home
then I'll go from there.
Til then, I am waiting


Jessie

2 posts in 2 days

Well I have remembered to post something for two days in a row. I'm proud ofmyself. Right now I'm watching Rent. It's a really good movie. I don't have much to say but there were some things that I forgot to tell you all yesterday. Sionc I wrote in January, I had to turn in Payton, the service dog that I was training. It was really hard and I cried, but the good news is that she did get released as a breeder, so I have her back. Yea!!! Another big thing that happened was that I had a birthday and on that birthday I gave blood. I'm such a good person. Sometimes.
Thats it for now.........
Jessie

A few months

Well a few months have passed since I last wrote on this and I was thinking that its past due for another entry. Since I last wrote I have been keeping in touch with Nathan, hes the one that I saw after a year last Christmas. Anyway we've been emailing each other, with him getting more emails, and I even saw him on March 10. 2006. So, for me this is really exciting. Who knows what he thinks. Also, I was voted as Parlimentarian for the Beta Club at my school and I am really excited about it. However, of all the things that are going on in my life my favorite is the whole thing with Nathan. If I'm lucky enough I'll get to pick him up at the airport. I only have to ask his mom, he has already said its fine with him. Well, I hope hes not reading this, but if he is oh well. But for now I'm going to go. Hopefully it won't be 4 months since I write again!!
Jessie