What do you do when the world starts to slip away?

First, I found out Sunday that a classmate of mine from high school was killed in a car wreck. He wasnt driving but his cousin was, and well its thought that they had probably been drinking. This guy, though I probably didnt ever really exchange words with him was the popular, jock that the whole school adored. So when you are roughly 1500 miles away and you find something like this out, it wrenches your heart. I know almost exactly what they are feeling, and as one person said, this is gonna be a sad high school reunion that has happened all too soon. Therefore, though I cannot be there and I might seem aloof, my heart aches for the Smith family and all of my friends that are having to go through this.

Second, I have just recently been in contact with my ex-boyfriend, the only one that I've really had. And its been fun, we joke around and make fun of each other so much and it feels great. Its been almost 4 years since we dated, and a little more than 2 since we've hung out, but in that time i think and hope that we have both grown up, so that we CAN be friends, and who knows maybe later something more, but thats counting my chickens before they hatch, and I've been really working at NOT doing that! Regardless, talking to this boy has been a great refreshing experience.
I dont know where this is going, but it makes ignoring James a little easier. Wait, ignoring is not a good word, I made a list of things that I should do on my way to New England this past Saturday, and they were 1. Not talking to James for a week, just to take a break, if I want, first thing Monday I can text him. 2. I had to be upfront with Matt, and I have accomplished that. 3. Dealt with finding a new car and 4. Dealt with school. Anyway, moving right along.
My thoughts are running around multiple things, and I feel kind of peaceful. Amazing, no?! Eh, I have a feeling it wont last for long.
There is more that I want to put on but cant find the words.

In other news, it was discovered today that the other day when mom, grandma and I stopped somewhere to hike up just a little bit, that we were in fact hiking on the Appalachian Trail, amazing no? I want to do more. I find that though I like being in contact with the world, I also like hiking and would even like to go backpacking at some point, so maybe I should start with getting into it slowly, with like the Sierra Club or something?!

So here's to new experiences, and going for something that one has always wanted to do.

One Day You Will.

Lady Antebellum

It happens. One day you are so agast over this boy, things arent going anywhere and you are SOO hung up on him (happens to me all the time) but at some point my body takes over, and tells both my head and heart that its time to move on.

So its time to move on.

This one wasnt the one for me, neither was the last one, or the one before that. And why the hell am I looking for 'the one' you ask? Well because although I have grand ideas and grand plans, the fact of the matter is that I will probably marry the first guy that I ever have a lasting relationship with. Again you ask why? Because call it a curse or a blessing, but I havent had a relationship with any guy, or at least a long one, and you know why? because theres been ONE ITTY BITTY LITTLE thing that holds me back, and it turns out that LITTLE thing saved me a lot of heartache.

So I am back to being me, the strong me.

I can and have gotten through all the hurdles thrown at me thus far, so I can keep going, and slowly but surely I feel the confidence building, maybe I'm not the creeper that I always think that people might perceive me as. Maybe just maybe someone will see me, the real me.

Maybe someday I will be at the summer party that my family has with this person. And you know what? He is going to have to convince at least 40 people that hes genuine, and thats ok, and he will. And afterwards he will hold my hand and open the car door for me, and we will go home- together. This my friends, is my current dream.

Fight Like a Girl

by Bomshel.

Every day is a new day. Every day, I think of you less.
Every day, I still want you more.

Why is it that your best friend talks to me more than you do.
What about that apartment on THAT night made me SO interesting?
I mean seriously, I didnt want three guys to be attracted to me, I wanted/ still want ONE guy to want a relationship with me.

My head knows whats good, my head wants to let go, but unfortunately my heart has other ideas, its still holding tight.