Lonely

I dont think I have ever felt so alone in my life.
Sure, part of it was probably my own doing because I was really happy to have the room to myself all day. But also, I am a social being and wanted to have dinner with some friends, but when I call all the friends that I would consider eating a sit down dinner with, and they are all busy, thats just seriously depressing.
And thats not my only problem.
How do you show someone that you are truly happy for them and their successes when you are drowning in your own lack of self worth?
I am so happy for you, really, thrilled, I want to be jumping up and down for you, but on the other hand, I can barely smile at anything right now.
That's just not fair to either one of us. So, maybe if I isolate myself, then you dont have to see my lack of happy, and I dont wallow so much in your happiness.
I am a panicky, weepy, overwhelmed, horribly angry mess that just wants to be held. Yea, if I had the opportunity I would hide from myself.
I guess heres to hoping this black hole that I have turned into wont last, and I will come on the other side completely amazing.