I went to Washington DC this weekend. Most people think that I went to show a friend who has never been there around, in reality I went to see a guy. And I have sat down to blog about it 4 times now and I cant really find the words to say.
There are things that I know: I would do anything, go anywhere for this guy. I have known him for 8 years but have only seen him/spent time with him for a total of 4 and a half weeks. I have written about him here before, hes the one that always seems to pop up when something is going wrong with other guys. lol. Hes a rock for me, always alright, cheerful and one of the best listeners. Now, if you know me at all, you know that I read WAY too much into the little things, but thats ok, because other than that I like to think that I am a fairly well adjusted person.
Obviously since I planned a trip to go see this guy I know that I like him, really like him, like would move to another country to be near him if it came to that just to be near him.
But, Ive never told him. I dont know if I've even hinted at it to him. I mean I know we have been a little flirty, but people are flirty all the time, that doesnt necessarily tell him "hey, if you told me to move to be closer to you so that we could perhaps see where this could go, no problem/"
Anyway, it had been 4 years and 2 months since I last saw him when I made this trip. And it didnt matter, I was still head over heels, got caught in his stare and I just was stunned. He totally had a smolder going on and I was caught in the flames. No, nothing happened, but I honestly feel like it was close, really close. I could be wrong, but he thought that I was going to be there for a week, and I was only there for 3 nights. He was SO very disheartened at the fact that I wasnt going to be there for a full week that it read into it that something probably would have happened. And then my friend was helpful, really helpful, too helpful. First of all, Im shy when it comes to guys and second of all I am far more shy when there are extra people! Not only was MY friend there, he had a friend there. Oh well. I mean I know that it wasnt meant to be, at least not this past time, and perhaps this was the perfect set up for the next time- and I am going to do everything in my power to make sure we dont have to wait 4 years to see one another again.
And while there were lots of Jessie melts moments over the course of the weekend, I think the one will stick with me forever is the goodbye.
So we get into the car- he was our chauffeur for the whole time we were there- and he asks which airport hes taking us to. Airport? No, take us to the metro, we will get to the airport. He tried again "which airport". So, I was like, alright this could be good, and I said "Reagan." To which he said "Thats in Virginia!" and I responded with then take us to the metro. Then he asked if it was really alright to just take us to the metro. Yes, its really ok.
OK so we get to the metro and he parks- leaving the car on. My friend and I get our luggage and while we are doing that he goes back to get the keys. Once we have our luggage I go to give him a hug and he says "No, I'll walk you in." Oh, ok!! So we walk in. We are mostly quiet but the station isnt exactly quiet. Anyway, the whole way down I'm thinking, I should grab his hand or maybe he will grab mine. Yea, no such luck. Then he waits as my friend and I get our metro tickets to the airport. OK. Time for the goodbye. We walk over to where you put your metro card in so that you, the passenger, are no longer a part of the general public. He hugged me, ok, thats fine. He hugged Katrina- thats to be expected. But then, then he held his arms out to hug me again. Whoa, wasnt expecting that. And my heart started racing, and I thought he might kiss me. But he didnt, and I didnt say what I had spent the whole night before thinking of: "You know, I made this trip just to see you." No, it was just another hug- but, and maybe I am making it up because I want it to be true, but then again maybe not, but there was something different about this second hug. I felt it all the way down to my bones. There was a shift. So my friend and I go through with our tickets and we head to the train, but I turn around one more time and wave. And thats it.
There are so many things that I could have done different, but I didnt. And I know its not really good to look back on that but I know I will for a while.
And what I will remember most is the fire that I felt when he looked at me- he smoldered remember? And I totally fell right in to it! The second hug too- it will be with me for a long time to come- and if you have read ANY of my posts you know how long I hold on to things! (Even knowing its not necessarily the healthiest thing.)
This isnt the end of our story- the story of this guy and me, at least I'm choosing to believe that it isnt the end. Theres more to come, and unfortunately- or fortunately, I think the next chapter is him joining the Army. He says he wants to be sent to Fort KaBoomBoom (Knox) here, you know, 10 miles from where I live and man that would be AWESOME. But I know the chances of that actually happening are slim to none. And because of that I have made the executive decision that- as long as he keeps me informed and its plausible for me to go (ie NOT on April 14)- I will go to his graduation ceremony or any ceremony that he has with the Army, if nothing else to show my support. Lastly, yes, I am aware that this could all end badly, but I have held on hope to be with this guy for 8 years- if not to be with him with him, at least to spend more time with him- and so far it has happened pretty nicely. I hope for more to come- and maybe you will hope with me!! :)
Goodnight friends.
1 comment:
This post made me smile. When I moved to Nashville a few years ago it was partly because I got into grad school but mostly because there was a guy down there who I had never lived in the same state with but who I thought had a "spark." I would never have looked at grad school there if he hadn't lived there to be honest. The times we saw each other were few and far between but there had always been something special.
Fast forward 4 years and it's pretty evident he wasn't the one considering that he just married someone else and I couldn't be happier for him. I probably would have spent my entire life asking "what if?" and by moving there, it allowed me to answer the question. Turns out that we had a long-distance spark that didn't translate too well when we lived in the same city! In fact, I think I saw him more in the year leading up to my move than I did in the year and a half I lived there. But I'm so glad I made the move because at least I was done asking :-)
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