I deserve better

There was a person in my life, who I met in 2004 who always turned up at turning points in my life. If I was going through something tough, he was there. If I just needed to vent, he was there. He has consistently lived 500 miles away from me and seeing him has generally been hard. He has even lived more than 5000 miles away. But there was always a constant: he was there and I could count on him. 

That constant changed in December. And the change keeps evolving. You see, election night I got a message from him about wanting to Skype, but I was involved with someone else at the time and I knew skyping with this guy would tangle me up on the inside. So I didn't Skype with him. But that night he said some things that, lets be honest here, took me by surprise, but in a good way. Nothing bad just I want to hear your voice and I wish I was with you right now. I obsessed over those words, like I do, and when he went to basic training I sent about 16 letters. I got one back: I love hearing for you, please keep writing, yes you are crazy but that's what I love about you. I talked to him briefly when he was on leave for Christmas- please keep writing. I've written you back twice. (I never did get that second letter.) I was beside myself. So, because his mom is out of the country and I didn't know his siblings plans for his basic training graduation, I emailed his mom- she's much better at communication and emailed me back within about 2 hours. She said: I don't know if his siblings, grandma or girlfriend are going down. 

Wait, what? Girlfriend? What the hell, man? 

I was floored- although I had just the previous week said to my friends- what if he has a girlfriend and he just hasn't told me? Seems my intuition was right. 

So I send a letter that didn't rip him a new one but said, basically "hey man, why didn't you tell me you had a girlfriend". 

I haven't heard a peep from him since the first day of January when he said keep writing your letters get me through training. 

Not a god damned peep. 

That was 6 months ago. 

Then, last week, he updates his relationship status to have been dating this girl since August of last year. AUGUST!  

Election night was in November. A whole 2 and a half months into his relationship he wanted to Skype and hear my voice. When he said "I really wish I was with you now." 

You can't say that to someone who will believe in anything, to someone who will read into it like I do when you are in a relationship. God damnit. 

So, long story short, I miss the person who showed up at the most random but most needed moments in my life for the last 8 years. I wish though he was able to say "hey, I've got a girlfriend, I'm not gonna talk to you anymore. But I guess I'm not worthy, in his mind for that. 

Ack! Pisses me off. I deserve better. An yet, the person who hasn't talked to me in 6 months, who won't talk to me, is the person that I still think about more than almost anyone else. There is one other person I think about frequently, but really I don't need to be thinking about either one. Neither one of them are in my life, nor should they be, really.