Disappointment

No, I am not a disappointment, other than the occasional times that my parents tell me that they are disappointed in me I never feel like a disappointment. No, I am disappointed in sorority life. I wrote on this a little earlier in the school year but heres another round.
I like most of the people who are in my sorority, they are good people, and I am glad that I have gotten to know them. But as it is SO often pointed out, sorority life isnt just about the people. There are politics and judgements that happen that people may or may not know about. My "sisters" talk about the good things of ritual, and how they are "proud to be our sister" but I just cant get those warm-fuzzies. I am trying to understand, trying to stick with it but I dont have that much more in me. Sure, everyone is entitled to their own personal judgements, but I dont like the fact that a negative judgement from a select group of people can serve as "THE" judgement from the body as a whole. I just cant get on board with that.
I go to every required meeting, I do all the things necessary but I just cant get more involved, because this sorority is literally sucking the life out of me. We have meetings every Monday, and I am probably a bitch to anyone who comes around me leading up to the meetings, and then after just about every meeting I just want to cry.
I am not going to just give up, and play dead. No, I will stick with my decision of being a part of this sorority until April, mostly because I have paid my dues through April. But once April rolls around I will not harbor any hard feelings toward the organization, but rather we will just go our separate ways.

For all of those who read this that are torn in regards to sorority life, here is what I have to say: sororities are great social aspects of campus, whether its a big campus or a small campus, but if you have reservations going in, think about why you are concerned and maybe talk to others that are actually initiated members. Granted they may not want to answer your questions but dont take the "its just so great to have so many friends that I can call on at any time" aspect for a real answer, because the thruth of the matter is that those people may not always be there for you, and sometimes the hardest decisions in life, or the hardest falls that we face, are things that we have to get through as individuals. There are times in our lives that we have to take responsibility for who we are and what we stand for and we cannot let an organization mold us into something that we arent. All in all, its important to be an individual, its important to listen to what you brain and your heart has to say, and most of all its important to not get caught up in all the emotions of a moment to make a decision that may affect the rest of your life.