Everyone believes in me, but me.

I'm in my CPA review classes.
I have my notice to schedule for all of the CPA exams.
And I have scheduled my first exam.
Oh crap.
20 days and counting.
Every time I tell someone, they tell me that knowing me, I will do great.
But I dont feel that.
I am terrified.
I dont feel like I am going to have enough time to prepare.
But I know that if I put it off, I will just keep putting it off, so here I go, for better or worse.

One friend told me today that he was jealous that I was graduated.
And thats when it hit me.
I may not feel like I have things together.
In fact I often feel like I'm drowning in this thing called life.
But to the outside world, I might actually appear to have my shit together.
I may not have all the things that I want in life.
I dont have a boyfriend, stable income, a place of my own, a job (that goes with stable income I guess), etc.
But I am moving forward.
I feel like I am sitting on my butt doing nothing.
When in fact, I get myself up every Saturday to study for the 4 CPA exams.
I got my act together and I have paid for and committed to taking all 4 exams before January 27th.
And maybe not having a job right now is a good thing. I couldnt imagine having to work a full time job AND study (props to my friend Lauren, who is doing just that).

Maybe, just maybe this journey of mine that has me wishing for answers is a blessing in disguise.
And perhaps I should work harder at being happier, because happy people are way more fun than I have been recently!

In other news:
I have been missing Italy like CRAZY! I'll need to go back, soon.
And I havent talked to James in a while. I dont know if this is good or bad, but it is what it is, and I hope that he knows that I am still here for him, no matter what.
Have I ever mentioned how much I love getting goodnight texts?

Goodnight friends.
I hope that you are able see that sometimes even our struggles are our blessings.