What's in store for my future

I don't know how many people read this and really I don't care. Basically this blog is for me to vent on everyhting that happens in my life and most recently it was a dream that I don't really remember everything about the dream but I remember the jist of it. So here goes. I remember that I was married or I was about to be married and I remember being really happy. The main part of the dream was that it was a family outing, everyone was at the same place eating. It reminded me of the importance of family. But it also got me to thinking about the way I want to live my life and the person I want to live my life with, even though its someone that I haven't met yet. So I suppose that this is just a way for me to think aobut my dream and put it down on paper, so to speak. Thanks for reading. Til next time....
Jessie

Sunshine and Summertime

Hey everyone, hows your summer going? Mine is pretty boring at the moment, hopefully that will change as the summer progresses. Anyway new developments in my life are 1. I have to take the ACT tomorrow and 2. A friend of mine is leaving ths states for like 2 years. This friend is named Ibrahim, originally hes from Egypt, his mom has been friends with my mom for like 30 years. Anyway I first met Ibrahim when my mom and grandma and a friend of mine went to visit him in Maryland, near Washington D.C. well we became friends pretty fast. Later that year he and his family came to Kentucky to visit us and that was like 2 years ago. I havent seen him since but we have talked some. Anyway he called me yesterday to ask me for my email and to tell me that he was leaving for Israel early next week. It was good to hear from him and I hope we stay in contact. Well til next time.....
Jessie

Memorial Day

So as you all probably know today is Memporial Day. Its sad that more people don't really celebrate it. Its not the most important but I think that we should do something more for those that we are supposed to be remembering. Most of us just like this holiday because it shows the start of summer and if your still in school this late, which I am, you get out for the day. Well thats my thoughts on Memorial Day.
And here is my life update. For a while I was emailing a friend with my life update and well thats pretty sad, so I have decided to share my life with everyone and anyone who wants to read it. So here goes.
I am finishing my junior year of high school and naturally looking at college things. I visited Murray State earlier this year and I REALLY liked it. I think that is my first choice of college and it has everything that I am even remotely intersted in. So thats how I stand on college. Murray allows you to apply right after your Junior year, so as soon as they send me the application thats what I'm going to do.
Other news. I have a lot of friends but theres one thing that I'm missing. A really good friend. See theres things that I cant really tell my friends at school and most people have a really good friend. I thought that I found that but it turns out that I didnt. There is one person that is really close to eing that person and I really hope that we stay close.
Then theres the whole boyfriend thing. I feel that if I have a boyfriend that hes important but my friends are just as important. I know that theres the strong possibility that a boyfriend wont last for life, at least not at this point in time. So when I had a boyfriend I would make time for my friends too and other people just dont get that. They feel as if their friends should either accept that they have a boyfriend or they shouldnt be as good friends. There is a flaw in this way of thinking. What if you and the guy break up, you've alienated your friends because you dont spend time with them, granted some friends will come to your rescue, but people should know that I'm not one of those friends. I dont want to be wanted only when my friends are single. I am a loyal friend and I understand spending time with your boyfriend but you can also spend time with me, without your boyfriend.
I guess thats all I'm going to say today, for now. Til next time........
Jessie

So Damn Tired

I'm so damn tired of the way that life seems to throw you down once you have picked yourself up from the last fall. It seems as if as soon as you get on your feet your falling again. I love being who I am. I feel as if I live a pretty good life and even though I would love to have a guy, I know that I will be okay without one. So for the fun of it heres a poem, if I can think of something....

Next
What happens next
i feel as if everything has collapsed
life has thrown a couple of weird twists
but so far i have come through them
hopefully i can learn from these
i know that for now i'll be ok
you may shoot me down
you might scare me
but i will be ok
whether it is today or 5 years away
i will learn from this
i will be ok
i know that i don't need you
or any guy for that matter
still it would be nice if someone liked me
like that
oh, its not today
and maybe it wont be tomorrow
but whenever it comes i will be ready
but for now im letting go
of the past ones that i have liked
im moving on
to what the future might hold
so until i find the one
im letting go of the wrongs

Ok do that isn't my best work, but there are some weird things that I am trying to work out and they are kind of clouding my other thoughts. If this poem scares you because you think that it might be about you, I'm sorry, but DEAL WITH IT. So that's it for now, til next time......

Jessie

You Don't know me

For those of you out there who think that they know me really well, let me tell you something. First when I find a person that I haven't seen in a really long time and they give me their email I make an effort to stay friends with them, yea sometimes that means that I write a lot of emails, so sue me. Two when I wrote poetry its for me. If I write it about you that just means that you inspired me. DON"T TAKE IT SO PERSONALLY!! Three, if I frighten you, then tell me. I can and will back off and its not the end of the world. Thats my point for now. Til next time.....

Jessie

High on a Broken Heart

Well most of you know that I like Nathan, and now he knows. That right, I finally got the balls to tell him that I like him. I was regected as usual but I am truly happy about it in a weird way. I don't know how t oexplain it but its a realief to know where we stand on the issue. i hope someday Nathan reads this and understands that even though I may be sad I have not been totally broken. I am a strong person and I am glad for what I did. I truly hope he doesn't totally ignore me now that he knows. Another thing that he should know if he is reading this is that I am content in a weird way. I don't know how to explain it but I think that this issue has already helped me be a better person because now I know that even when I am shot down i don't have to be totally battered. I am a happy person and Nathan if you are reading this I want you to know that I am happy to be your friend and only your friend. Please don't think that this is phony. I am truly high on a broken heart, I am happy for the life and friends that I have and thank you Nathan for NOT liking me, in that way. Anyway thats enough for now. Til next time I am High on a Broken Heart and proud of it!!

Jessie

Happy Day

Today I got my Senior ring. Now you must understand that I am not a jewelry person, not at all. Partially this is because I am allergic to fake jewelry and gold and partially because well, I just don't really like it except for on special occasions. I don't know how long the novelty of my Senior ring will last but for now I am really excited. Mine is a pretty traditional ring and the stone is my birthstone (Diamond) but it isn't a real diamond. Just a fake but still cool. Well on one side is my name and 2007 and on the other side is Cougars and a picture of a cougar. I know its kind of boring but I didn't really like anything else that I could put on it. Anyway I think that I'm done gushing about my ring now. And I really have nothing else to say. So til next time....

Jessie

That time of year

Its that time of year again
the time when you are finishing the school year
when you say goodbye for the summer
maybe for longer
the time when you reflect on the past year
and everything that you have done
you think about the people you have just met
and the ones that you will never forget
the ones that you have known forever
and the ones that you are just starting to know
wow its been an interesting year
now you look forward to next year
and all the potential it holds
its nice to have an ending
but nicer to see the beginning
for those in high school
this is the start of your life
what you do from now on
is who you are
remember that for the next years
for now you are only a junior
its amazing what can happen
but remember to always be prepared
for good or for bad
this IS your ife
no matter what choices you make
make the ones that you think are best
but remember to listen to your heart every now and then

This poem is for all those juniors and possibly the seniors that are finishing their school year and looking forward to either their last summer as high school students or their first as college students. To all of you, have a wonderful summer and life.

Jessie

Today

So today wasn't the greatest day. I had to give a fifteen minute presentation in front of the entire class and it was really good. I wasn't nervous at all which is very unusual for me. Usually I'm shaking really badly when I have to give a talk. Then I got invited to an awards ceremony. It was really cool. Then I had to work which was blak but when I came home my day got worse. I heard from Nathan and I'm not able to pick him up, that made me sad. But then I thought that maybe I was overbearing. But I got mad at him and also sad. I felt as if he was pushing me away and it really makes me sad. I know that he prolly wasn't pushing me away but after something bad happens I tend to give up and not fight for what I want. I guess I just need to keep asking. Maybe eventually he will tell me what he wants from me. Just friends, which is always a heartbreaker, or more than that which would make me estatic. Anyway thats my thoughts on the day.
Jessie

Wow, im on the ball

So I really don't have that much to say. Maybe I'll be able to write a poem.
Waiting
These past few weeks I've been waiting
Waiting to see you again
it hasn't been that long
but I feel as if its been another year
we've kept in better touch
and its only made me feel closer to you
now I just want to spend all my time with you
I know it might sound silly
but its true
I think I've fallen for you
If its wrong
then I guess ill enventually get over it
so for now I'll just have to wait some more
I'll wait til you come home
then I'll go from there.
Til then, I am waiting


Jessie

2 posts in 2 days

Well I have remembered to post something for two days in a row. I'm proud ofmyself. Right now I'm watching Rent. It's a really good movie. I don't have much to say but there were some things that I forgot to tell you all yesterday. Sionc I wrote in January, I had to turn in Payton, the service dog that I was training. It was really hard and I cried, but the good news is that she did get released as a breeder, so I have her back. Yea!!! Another big thing that happened was that I had a birthday and on that birthday I gave blood. I'm such a good person. Sometimes.
Thats it for now.........
Jessie

A few months

Well a few months have passed since I last wrote on this and I was thinking that its past due for another entry. Since I last wrote I have been keeping in touch with Nathan, hes the one that I saw after a year last Christmas. Anyway we've been emailing each other, with him getting more emails, and I even saw him on March 10. 2006. So, for me this is really exciting. Who knows what he thinks. Also, I was voted as Parlimentarian for the Beta Club at my school and I am really excited about it. However, of all the things that are going on in my life my favorite is the whole thing with Nathan. If I'm lucky enough I'll get to pick him up at the airport. I only have to ask his mom, he has already said its fine with him. Well, I hope hes not reading this, but if he is oh well. But for now I'm going to go. Hopefully it won't be 4 months since I write again!!
Jessie

WOW its been a while

Hey everyone, it been a while since i have posted and my life has been very hectic. I did finally get my 5 page paper done and i havent goten my grade back on it yet. Then on the 10 my dad was rshed to the hospital. He had a heart rate of 196. A normal heart rate is only about 86. It wsa very scary and let me tell you i never want to follow an ambulance that is carrying one of my parents ever again. Anyway my dad is ok now, he had an angioplasty and wo stints were put in his heart. That was Tuesday and WEdnesday, then on Thursday i got sick. I had thought it was food poisoning but my mom says it was probably the flu because i had a fever. So then on Friday i went back to school but my chest hurt and i only stayed fir half a day. My moms birthday wa on Saturday and on Sunday i watched my brothers play basketball. They only had 5 players and at one time they had to play with 4 because one of their players got hurt. But they did win by like 30 points. Monday i worked all day. Tuesday the 17 was one of my friends birthday and the start of finals. I didnt have to take any of my finals!! Wednesday there was like 3 inches of snow and we had a snow day. I went shopping with my dad onWed. and we saw Al Snow (he was a wrestler for WWE, he now is a commentater for Ohio Valley Wrestling). Thursday it was like 60 degrees and spring time. Then on Friday my school had a pep rally and i planned the whole thing. I was in charge of the entire thing. That was stressful but really fun. Saturday was another friends birthday and i went prom dress shopping. I didnt buy a dress but i trie like 10 on. But now i have caught you up on everything. Today is Sunday, my brothers are playing again today and im going out with some friends to celebrate the two friends birthdays. But till next time. Jessie

Its Friday!!

Hey everyone. Im so glad that its Friday. The only downside is that i still havent written that paper thats due on Monday. That will be this weekends chore. But anyway, ive had a good week. My friends are all saying how their life is horrible and well mine is great. Yea, i have no boyfriend and yea, one of my friends is going back to Canada where he goes to school and yea, ive had to get up at 5:30 every morning to go to school but i dont think i could be much happier if i had won the lottery. Ive decided that im happy that i am who i am and that i wouldnt change anything. And those who want to change me, well, they cant. Oh, did i tell you all that i got a 27 on my ACT? I was extremely excited. Still am, thats been part of my great week. Plus i got to spend some time with Nathan, which i havent done in over a year so thats good to. Then theres the choices that i make. I know that ive talked about choices before but i know that the choices that you make affect everyone around you. I found out that three of my friends are gay and though i dont have anything againast gay people, well it was kind of a shock to have it confirmed. I am proud of the choices that i have made and i dont regret any of them. There is one guy that i love. He was my first love so i will always love him but, i think that they way i handled loving him wasnt great. But you know what? It was a learning experience.
You may not know that much about me but the guy that im talking about is Tim. I love Tim, i always will but i understand that we are not made to be together. I have now decided that he is a person that i would love to have as a friend, if only i could get a hold of him to talk to him. Sometimes Tim was a complete jerk to me and well i just looked the other way. This will happen no more. I know what i do when im in love with someone so hopefully i wont be as bad next time. Yes, i know Love is a strong word and i dont usually say it unless i mean it and i really didnt think that i loved Tim. It was one day when i was talking to my friend Sarah that i realized that i loved him. And its only because she said it. We were talking about how much i was head over heels for him and i said well i dont know why im so worked up over him. Then she made it clear to me. She said "because you love him". She was right. But though i will never be over Tim i now know that i can be ok with just being friends with him. Anyway, a shortened version of pert one of my love history. Lucky you. Till next time.
Jessie (Snoopy)

The One who...

The one who is always there
the one who keeps me laughing
the one who shares my initials
the one who knows my deepest thoughts
he is always egging me on
despite inner doubts
ive never really met him
but we share so much
hes the one who helps me get through my hard days
he knows im always there for him
no matter what
he lives a few states away
and i met him in a chat room
we have so much in common
are we soulmates?
we may never know
but one thing i do know
is his name is Joe

This was written for a friend that i truly met in a chatroom. Hes a great guy and he slways assures me that whatever im doing is the right thing to do, even when i have my biggest doubts. Thanks to everyone who reads this. Especially to Joe.
Later
Jessie (Snoopy)

And the break must end

Today was the last day of my Christmas break. No more staying up late just to do nothing. So i may not be writing as often because i wont have as much free time. Tuesday i have to go to school then to work and then to puppy training and then after that i get to do my homework . Then on Wednesday i have to go to school and then i have to take a make up test because i was ick on the last day of school and missed an important test. Then on Thursday and Friday i just have to go to school, so i guess that those days wont be as bad. I shouldnt be complaining so im not this is just informing people what is happening in my life. Well i dont have much to say so i will keep tonights post short and sweet. Till next time everyone.
Love,
Jessie (Snoopy)

Happy New Year

Hey everyone. Not much to report on my end. I didnt even go to or have a party last night. Anyway I hope everyone had a safe night last night. I heard song that i really like recently. Its called "Shoes" by Shania Twain. In case you didnt know Shania is my favorite artist. But this song, "Shoes" compares men to shoes and it makes you smile so if you are having a bad day and you need something to cheer you up listen to Shoes. Its on the Desperate Housewives soundtrack. Oh by the way i saw 'Rumor Has It' today and it was pretty good. So today I was thinking about a New Years resolution and i found myself thinking of what i already had and what i was thankful for. Heres a list of what im thankful for and what i already have.

• My family
• My friends
• my pets
• the people who inspire my poetry
• my job
• my choices

Its a short list but it includes most of my life. What i mean about my choices is that im not really religious but yet i have made good choices in my life. A bunch of people report on how religious people make better choices than those who are nonreligious and well, that isnt always true. I know some religious people who have made bad choices in their lives. Yes, i know that it isnt always true that nonreligious people will make good choices in their lives. You cant always know what a teenager will do based on how religious they are. Anyway my point is that those who make good choices arent always religious. Sometimes the nonreligious people make just as good or better choices than the religious people. I have had many chances to make bad choices yet i havent and im really glad that i havent. My pride so far is that i have made so many good choices. So that is my rambling for the day! Till next time

Jessie (Snoopy)

Til Forever Ends

Theres so much to say
but where should i start
its been forever since we last talked
but you make it seem like it was just yesterday
when we talk you always make me smile
we have such a great history
knowing each others' lives
almost as well as our own
we've been through thick and thin
from family trouble to crushes
yet we stay good friends
even when we havent talked for a year
you keep me grounded
even when your not here
you live in another country
even though its temporary
yet we still havea bond
that no one can break
thanks for being there for me
and know that i will always be there for you
til forever ends- together we stand

Happy New Year to everyone and stay safe out there. Especially tonight. Til next time...
Jessie (Snoopy)

Not much to write but what the heck

Today was pretty boring. Nothing really happened and there were no dreams last night that I can write about tonight. So as there is nothing to say I just get to ramble. Maybe I'll write you all a poem. Maybe not considering I cant think of anything to write about. Well in other life news, recently I had my first boyfriend. Yes, at 16 and 1/2 years old I have finally had my first real boyfriend. However while I was swept up in having a guy like me like that we went out and he wasnt the type of guy that I normally see my self with. Anyway we went out for almost 4 weeks and at first since I was caught up in the flurry of a guy really liking me it was great. Then the novelty of a boyfriend kind of wore off. I really like the guy still but just not like that; hes a great guy but I just dont have romantic feelings for him. Anywayso in my life thats guy numer two. I've already talked about guy number one, Tim. And then I have written a poem about guy number three, Nathan. Tim's the one that I truly loved, Nathan's the one that I treated like crap, and Matt's one that I will care about but not romantically. Life I guess is full of ups and downs and you just have to ride the roller coaster out!! Till next time!!

Jessie (Snoopy)

Dream

Last night I had a dream of the one guy that I have truly loved. It was a very good dream. It made me realize how much I valued Tim's friendship. I put my feelings for him before our friendship and maybe that wasnt the best of ideas but thats what I did. In my dream it was kind of a closure. We saw each other at the county fair, we started talking and I realized that he was a great guy and that I actually was over him. It was a relief, I liked him for 8 years. I dont regret any of it though. I learned a lot from my relationship with Tim and although I probably wont talk to him for a while, he is a big reason for my poetry. Its how I learned to express my feelings for him and for other things that I or my friends were going through. Thats my thoughts for today. Musta been a boring day if all I talked about was my dreams.

Jessie (Snoopy)