Ive realized that I live life safely. I dont really ever put my neck on the line where someone could either save my butt or leave me there and I could have it cut off.
And its not just with boys, where I dont let loose.
Its in many things.
Its in driving- I am a terrible passenger, and a control freak, and therefore I drive anywhere I go, pretty much.
Its in my school work- I always pick a safe subject, and kind of sort of describe it and get the gist of it, and that gives me B's but really, if I just stuck my neck out there a little bit more, if I made more assertions, I could wind up with some A's on papers. And this occurred to me as I was writing my last paper. I was writing on Taoism, and I just got a jolt of inspiration, and off I went and I didnt hold anything back, and it felt good. I only hope that my no holds barred approach is rewarded. Professors are always telling me that I get the point, but I just need a little bit more. Well, that was it, I think, I hope.
Yes, planning is good, important and a great tool. But sometimes, yes I am finally admitting this- sometimes the best parts of life are NOT planned! Be spontaneous every now and then, and know that its not always going to be perfect, but at the same time, some of the best laid plans never work out.
Be fun, have fun.
Surround yourself with the people that you like, and those arent always necessarily the people in your core group of friends. If you have to, break the mold, spend sometime with someone different for a change.
Bottom line: This life is yours, take it or leave it, but I have decided to take mine and run with it.
Friday afternoon the boy made me unhappy- to say the least- and I decided that I shouldnt need him, that I cant rely on him, and therefore, when he said he was "out" for plans that night, I told him I was "out" til Dec. 5th. And when I think about it, I feel as if I am doing the exact thing that I told him I wouldnt- I told him he wouldnt lose me, but doesnt no contact for a month equal somewhat of a loss? On the other hand, I gave him about 15 opportunities to open up and talk to me, and I made those promises thinking that he would, but he never did. And so I am free and clear to work at letting go. If I am as important to him as he says I am, then its time for him to step up to the plate and make some effort. I dont mind being friends- but it is going to take a talk, a real honest to goodness face-to-face talk, and thats something that I dont think he will commit to and follow through with.
The point of that story was to share my most recent analogy: I feel as if I was driving down the "James" road- one which I have been down before, though the scenery is a little bit different, I am still running over excuse after excuse. But Friday, when he had a golden opportunity to talk to me and he wouldnt, I got mad and turned the wheel hard, I took a 90 degree turn to the left and I pressed down on my accelerator. If he wants, he can find me, he can catch up and give me his story, but hed better do it soon, because this time I am likely to be long gone.
This post was written by Spontaneous Jessie. haha :)
No comments:
Post a Comment