Little Miss

A song by Sugarland, and my current obsession.
Its all about being down on luck, love, life and then pulling yourself together and knowing that it will be alright again and knowing that you are loved. (Or at least, that is what I get out of it).
Little miss heart beats wide open now, shes ready for love.

Thats me...
Or really, this whole song is me, currently.
I was in a funk about *that guy*, you know, the one that the past two poems are about.
Yes, something happened, I think I even wrote about it, and unsurprisingly I blew things out of proportion, but thats just me. One day there will be that person in my life that sees the way I blow things up, laugh at me, and then deflate my balloon, carefully so as to not depress me or hurt me unintentionally.
*That guy* is not the person to do this. Sure hes careful about what he says but thats just because (no surprise) I am too important in his life for him to let something like (god forbid) a relationship come between us. (Here's where I debunk the theory that a real relationship would come between us. I mean sure it could, but sometimes you gotta take a leap of faith and hope that things work out. We have been friends, we have even gone to the point where we dont talk. But you see we always seem to be thrown together. So man up dude, so what that we both have lives, no one said this was going to be easy. But I am telling you it could be worth it, you just gotta put yourself on the line. He says he doesnt want to take the chance of hurting me, or pushing me too far, but I think really its that he doesnt want to get hurt. But you know what I GET THAT!!! And I have never burned a bridge- I dont leave people out in the cold, even people I dont like. Everyone can get warmth from me- I am just not the type of person to stop talking/caring/loving. IT doesnt happen. Even the people who break my heart, I still talk to them.) Ok, so now THAT rant is over.
Next.
I have been on a kick of empowerment. *He* told me that I am one of the most important, dependable people in his life, and then he doesnt talk to me for days on end. Hello? Yea, sorry pal, but that doesnt work. I talk to the people who are important in my life at least once a day. Even if its just to say hey. So dont give me the bullshit about being super important. I get that you are working every day for the next 2 weeks, but you arent working 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You are working maybe 12 hours a day. And its not like texting is hard.

Moral of my story here,
Its time for me to find a new obsession, because this one just isnt working for me anymore. I deserve more, someone who will love me and treat me wonderfully. (Yes, I will hold out for that- hopefully!) So, good thing that basketball season is starting- its the perfect thing to take my mind of that obsession. Traveling twice a week on a bus full of boys, how can a girl complain?!

And this song, Little Miss, its perfect. I feel like I am that person that will do anything for the people in her life, and help anyone and everyone who asks for it, but sometimes I feel like I dont take enough time for me.
I have 4 classes, 2 committees, 2 organizations that I have a leadership role in, I work for the athletic department, Traveling with the basketball team, not to mention social activities, and family activities. I dont have TIME for a boy- yet I still fantasize about having a boy.

I feel like I am the epitome of the girl that has everything yet still feels lost and lonely. I have good friends, I have an awesome family, I love myself (most days) but the thing that I want most, is the thing that still eludes me- a boyfriend. I know, I know, they arent all that wonderful, they arent worth the trouble, I dont need a boyfriend to be wonderful, having a boyfriend wont fill my void- I hear all the arguments. But needing and wanting are TOTALLY different- I dont NEED clothes, but I am a very modest person and desperately WANT them. I NEED glasses but I desperately dont WANT them. I get it, really I do...

But still, like all Americans, or humans for that matter, I want what isnt mine.
Sure I suppose it will happen some day.

New subject.
Honesty.
I am honest, its not something that I will apologize for.
I know that sometimes the truth hurts, but really, would you rather me lie to you?!
I only want one thing in return, honesty.
Seriously, if I say something that upsets you TELL ME, and dont be subtle about it. Say, "hey asshole, please stop talking about that subject, I dont like it it hurts me, it upsets me, etc". Look me in the eyes and tell me seriously. Because I hate hurting people, especially my friends. But the absolute worst thing you can do is tell other mutual friends that you are upset- because usually it gets back to me. Id like to think that I am a gentle soul, but then thinks like this get back to me.
I am sorry. I am not perfect, I cannot change everything but I dont like being a hideous person who hurts her friends.

I think I will stop there, for now. Seems, this post is longer than my usual.

Go listen to Little Miss! :)