Looking Back

So today, for the first time in a long time, I went back and I read everything that I have written on this blog this year. Wow, I kind of have a one track mind, dont I?
The boy.
And everything is based around him.
Wow
I mean I knew that I was bad, just didnt quite realize I was this bad.
And while I cannot control what my heart feels, I can totally wrestle it with how my mind knows.
And yes, I will struggle, and question EVERYTHING, but by now, surely if you read this blog, you know this about me.
But this is what I know:
He tells me that I have to do what I want for me, but whats missing is him saying that he wants the same thing. And this cannot work unless its a mutual effort.
Whether we have the wrong timing, or just totally different outlooks on things.
Yes, I can do the things that I want for me, but it wont matter unless the other person is headed in the same direction.
I dont know how to get the point across, or maybe I cant, but I think face to face would be a good idea... IF HE EVER FREAKING sets a time.

Anyway, this rant is over.
I know that I have a blessed life, and theses challenges with the boy could be construed as trivial... but they are what they are, and I am what I am, and we just have to go from there!