Fall days

Cooler weather colored leaves and all that jazz.
But big major life decision time for me. Time to go back to school. To totally change my life. Why you ask? Because I dont want to sit at a desk crunching numbers for the rest of my life. I want to change lives, I want to heal things and I want to be a vet.

Remember that guy I wrote about, the one I referred to as G? Ok, so I talked to him on facebook, imessage and texting for about 3 months and then finally thanks to reading this blog he decides that hanging out could be a good thing. We have 3 dates in 3 days. Then over the next week and a half another 2 dates. This guy in so many ways is perfect- you think I'm kidding but every piece of his personality is everything that I've ever wanted in a guy that I may be dating. Hes considerate, supportive, and yet gives me space. And yet last night I "broke up" with him, I use the quotes because we were never official about anything, it was some pretty casual dating. So I just talked about how perfect he was and then about how I broke up with him- I know, that doesnt seem right does it? So to answer your unasked question, I dont really know what went wrong. But it was definitely something in me. Let me try to explain. First guy that I've actually dated- if you read anything about J you know we never really dated- and within 2 weeks I "give up"? I think I had expectations and I didnt live up to them. HE DID. HE was perfect, HE was amazing, HE gave me space when I pulled away. I was the jerk. I was the idiot. And you might think, if Im beating myself up so much, why did I say "Adios"? Because at this moment in my life it didnt feel right- I didnt feel right. And while I feel like that happened was right, I still feel like a big ol' asshole. Worlds biggest jerk, right here. I know we didnt date that long but he treated me so well and then I went and caused him pain. Im a people PLEASER not a people PAIN CAUSER. Ugh. So G, if you are still reading this- you were awesome, amazing, sweet, funny, caring and I could go on and on, but that might not be the best idea. And since I've done everything so cliche up to this point, Ill continue on that path: I really do hope that we can still be friends and hang out and go to the movies and go bowling and all that jazz, because I dont want you out of my life, I just am not in a place to be dating right now. Ugh- that sounds so fake- but I promise its not!

In other news, my twinkie, my soulmate, my Sdot went to France on Tuesday, and I've been downright lost without her. Its crazy, Im literally sitting here crying because she sent me a message tonight and I havent gotten to really talk to her all that much since she left. I mean I know shes off doing something awesome and shes going to have a great adventure but I miss her SOO much. We literally saw each other very nearly every day for the last 3 months and now shes gone for 7 months.
I want to post this, but I'll write more about sdot being gone later- hopefully before the weekend is up.
Missing my friend, G too.
Sigh