Ruined

I dont like having regrets but I would really like to go back to Wednesday and change what went down.
I reacted out of fear.
I realized it yesterday on my way to Lexington.
I have a fear of relationships- or rather kissing.
People kiss me and crap just goes downhill from there- its happened every time.
It sucks.
And I dont know if its MY reaction or the situations.
But I freak out.

I dont know if G will read this- not going to lie- I hope he does, because hes not answering me anymore. I get it. I dont deserve his answers. But I miss talking to him. In the last week I have lost 2 people who, between them I spent roughly 6 hours a day with.
Not feeling great, obviously.

I am emotionally and physically fucked up right now. Literally spilled my guts this morning. Not in a happy place.
I feel like I am wading my way through mud. The deep kind- mud up to my mid thighs.

UGH.

Goodnight.