Ok, the days I missed. Wednesday and Thursday

So Wednesday we were very lazy. We all just sat around the house and did nothing at least til 4pm. Then the boys got back from school and we conned Ibrahim into walking around Herzilya, the town where their house is. We spent a couple of hours just walking around, first we went to a castle thingy but it was closed and then we tried to go to the beach but it was not easily accessible. So then we headed back to the house. We stopped on the way back to get fruit that I would eat... things like Kiwi and Apples. And Ibrahim made fun of me because he thinks that kiwis are about as weird as you can get and he was totally surprised that I will eat them. So we get back to the house and Alia is sitting in the car waiting for us. She wants to take everyone to Caesarea for dinner. Well I was tired and didnt want to go, she asked mom to go for her and so mom, grandma, and Yusef went with Alia to dinner. ibrahim and I stayed at the house and just hung out. First we ate, which for me was some bread and a few kiwis and for him it was half a chicken and some curry and such!! He was shaking his head the whole time we were eating! Kinda funny if I say so myself. At that point I got on him for never replying to emails and he told me that he hadnt gotten one from me on just over a year. To which I told him that was bull and that he should check his email! So he said that he would prove it to me. Therefore we checked his email and what do you know there are 252 UNREAD emails. He laughed and I showed him about 7 that I had sent in the course of a year that he hadnt read. He said that he was sorry, he doesnt do well with the whole email/internet thing, he runs out of things to say. He told me that he was better at talking when he can see peoples faces so I should get a webcam so that we can talk over Skype. I also showed him facebook and conned him into getting one, not that he ever checks it but hey hes got one!! lol. I also showed him all my friends at Transy- I used the pic of Megan's birthday party. So then we cooked snails. This was a really long process, we started at 8:45 and didnt finish til 11:30. First we dumped all the snails out. Then we made sure that they were all alive- this by far took the longest. In order to make sure they were alive we had to make sure that they were moving, some of them didnt want to move! Then after making sure they were moving we cleaned them, scrubbed them really, and rinsed them. After that we put them in boiling water to kill them. And then put them on the cake pan type thing and smothered them with butter and garlic, and stuffed them in the oven to cook. I did not try any of the snails but I had fun cooking them. Ibrahim and I also had some good conversation throughout this whole time.

Thursday- The Dead Sea and Massada.
Thursday we woke up REALLY early and I set off the alarm by going out of my zone before it was turned off. OOPS!! But once it was turned off we were all good. So we got ready, went to The David International Hotel and caught our tour. The man that was our guide was very knowledgable and has even published two books, so I look forward to reading one of them when it is printed in English. Once we were picked up we drove to Jerusalem to pick up other people on our tour. We had 2 people from Chile, one from Spain, 4 from Canada and 3 from California. From Jerusalem we went to Massada. The way to Massada was beautiful. We saw some Bedouin people hearding their sheep and that was really neat. We then drove through the West Bank, but we were never fired at nor did anyone in our group get killed! From the West Bank we drove along the Dead Sea, which was BEAUTIFUL. During this drive we also saw the caves where the Dead Sea Scrolls were found, talk about interesting. I remember seeing these caves on the TV when there was news about them, and now I have seen them in real life! Then we drove past a real desert Oasis, we didnt get to see it but Ibrahim told us that it was amazing. Still it looked neat as we were driving by. And finally we arrived at Massada. Massada was the place where the Jews lived and the romans came and took three years to get to and then the Jews killed everyone the last night. I remember seeing a movie about it in Mr. Music's AP European History class I think, one of Mr. Music's classes anyway. :) Anyway it is like a plateau but really high and kind of hard to get to. I dont really know how describe it so people will just have to wait for pictures or google it! Anyway to get to it we had to ride a cable car. That was a new and interesting experience for me. I wanted to rock the cable car but my mom told me I couldnt. :( So we spent an hour on top of Massada and visited the first EVER synagogue. We even saw a boy celebrating his Bar Mitzvah. After that we went back down via cable car and had lunch and shopped. We got some fun dead sea mineral cosmetics. EXPENSIVE but hey we are only gonna do this once so why not! lol. After lunch we went to the Dead Sea. We went to a place called Mineral Spa or something like that and swam- or rather floated- in the Dead Sea. First we got in, and it was really cold!! Then we floated for about 20 minutes. Amazing really, but we had to be careful not to get it in our mouth- it tasted bitter- or eyes- it REALLY stung, or our ears- no problem. As you can see, me being me, accidentaly got it in every place your not supposed to! Ok so after floating we got mudded. It is said that the Dead Sea has healing powers especailly the minerals in the mud. So we put mud all over our bodies- mom and I did. EVEN IN OUR HAIR!! And the mud was BLACk- so we looked like black people. We waited for 15-20 minutes while the mud dried and then washed it off. It didnt come off very easily! We then went and floated in a hot spring pool that fed the dead sea but it wasnt in the dead sea, it was something different. It was VERY nice and warm, and sulfer-y. After spending some time in the sulfer hot water where we floated, just like in the sea itself. We took showers and got ready to head back. As we were driving back our guide let us off to take pictures of the 4 Dead Sea Scroll Cave, the library where the found a map of all the caves. That was pretty darn interesting. Anyway, our trip back to Tel Aiv was long because we hit rush hour traffic in Jerusalem. But once we got back I was pretty tired and just about fell into bed.

Today I think we are packing and taking it easy. We will walk to Appolonia which is a fortress on the coast I think. Apparently its really cool, and its close by. I will write about it when we get home to Louisville. I have had a good time and I dont really want to leave!
Anyway... off to breakfast- see I told you writing this would be the first thing that I would do today!!

update

Ok, well im really tired and probably wont write much tonight but i just wanted to say that i havent forgotten about my blog. I will update it tomorrow before or in between our events for the day. I will write about yesterday- which doesnt consist of much, we didnt even leave the house til 4pm, but I did have a new experience- like cooking snails- which took forever. And then I will also write about todays adventure to Massada and the Dead Sea- both were really interesting. Plus our guide let us stop and look at the caves where the Dead Sea Scrolls were found, very interesting. So I will write about everything tomorrow. Sorry to keep people waiting, if anyone is actually waiting that is!
Goodnight and i will write in the morning.

Jerusalem

So today was interesting. We went to Jerusalem. We first got up REALLY early like 6 am which is 12 midnight back home, and we went to a hotel in downtown Tel Aviv so that we could catch our little van, and tour guide. We went on this tour with two other groups of three people each. One group was two Canadians (saying eh? a lot) with a Israeli friend of theirs and the other group was a couple from Texas and the husbands younger brother. They were all very friendly people. Anyway we make our way to Jerusalem and I've got to say the way people drive around here is totally INSANE!! I dont understand it, i dont understand how there arent more wrecks here. The drivers are NUTS, anyway so we are driving to Jerusalem. We drive through the area that is around the West Bank, where all the fighting is but we were safe. There is a wall that is similar to the Berlin wall that separates the Palestine from the Israeli parts of this country. Its all very confusing but there is a wall that separates these two fighting nations. Ok, so we then went to Mount of Olives. It has an amazing view of Jerusalem, the one that people normally see. So we are looking at the view and then look up and theres a CAMEL!! And it has a saddle of sorts on it. And they are selling rides on the camel!! So we got on and went on a camel ride. It was AMAZING... SO fun and interesting. We just went around a circle a little bit, and then the man had him jogging. It was just so fun and it totally made my day!! It was a wonderful way to start the day. We then went down some really steep hills that they compare to San Francisco. And we pass the Garden of Gethsemane which is where Jesus was betrayed. And then we went inside the old city of Jerusalem itself. We started at the Western Wall, something that I had to cover my head for. It was really moving. And yes I wrote down a wish of mine and put it in the wall. I must say that being in Jerusalem, a place that Jesus was over 2000 years ago was VERY moving, and im not a religious person. So after the Western Wall we walked around more of the old city of Jerusalem and saw the stations of the cross. We saw nine of them anyway, i thought there were only nine but grandma thinks that there are twelve, but we saw nine. Then we went to where Jesus was crucified. We followed the path that he carried his cross on, talk about interesting and moving. Then we went into the Church of the Holy Sepulchre which is on the land where he was crucified. This church was very ornate. Lots of detail and many fine things around this place. After seeing the place where he was crucified we went to the cave where he was buried. We actually went inside, it was really dark and kind of creepy, really small and just amazing. There were pieces of paper which i assume were prayer notes like the ones that people stuff into the Western Wall. After that we went shopping and had lunch, which for me was a piece of pita bread and a sprite! After lunch we went to the place where the Last Supper took place. Now its just an old mostly empty building but walking into it, I got a sense that something important happened there. We then went to drop off part of our group so that they could go to Bethlehem while we went to the Yad Vashem, the holocaust memorial. We had to go through a check point in order to drop off the part of our group. It was kind of interesting because Bethlehem is controlled by the Palestines and Israeli's are NOT allowed to visit. So, our tour guide could NOT take these people to Bethlehem, we had to meet up with someone who could take them there. Well after they were headed to Bethlehem we went to the Holocaust museum, it was interesting. And there were a great deal of Israeli Army there. In Israel EVERYONE has to serve in the army, women for 2 years and men for 3, starting right out of high school. So these army people are my age and they are carrying around HUGE rifles! No in the museum but as they were leaving they all were attached to a rifle. This is just mind boggling to me. I mean I understand it I suppose but im not used to it yet. And honestly a lot of the guys here arent that bad to look at! Especially when they are in uniform, just had to say it, sorry everyone!! :) Anyway from the museum we met up with the people who went to Bethlehem and then came back to Tel Aviv. We havent done much since getting back and in fact i think everyone is asleep or getting ready to go to sleep. I dont think anyone has really gotten anything other than a glimpse of Ibrahim since we got back. Yusef says that he turns into a bear, so other than a weak attempt so see what he was up to we have left him alone!
Tomorrow is our day of rest! We are going to hang around the house and maybe visit some close by things. Nothing real big or exciting, but I will keep everyone posted.

Oo, one thing that I forgot to mention. While walking around in Jerusalem today I got a sunburn. This is after the guide was making fun of me because I am so white. He asked me to please go to the sea and get some color, I tried to explain to him that I just dont tan. And now I have proof that I just dont tan. We werent even out and about in the sun THAT much but I STILL got a sunburn, and because I was wearing the head scarf it is only sunburned on my left side... quite interesting. But my face didnt get sunburned. It got a nice healthy Tan!! :)
So til tomorrow... goodnight!

Oops, forgot to mention

So there have been some very funny times in the last couple of days and i shall reflect on those now. The first one was when we were going through security in Louisville. So the person looked at moms ticket and passport and then grandmas ticket and passport then looked at me and said "So i guess that makes you Jessica" to which i responded with a happy "I sure hope so" and then later realized i probably shouldnt joke about my identity with the security people at the airport.
Second... going through security again... grandma packed some yogurt, its not allowed but the head security guy asked about our destination and when he realized that it was FAR away he took the yogurt- that was still sealed- and scanned it for explosives... not really a funny story but something noteworthy.
Third, we had gotten to Atlanta, and mom was saying that she hoped the plane from Atlanta to Tel Aviv was larger than the one from Louisville to Atlanta. And i told her that it was.. she could even see the proof outside. I described the front of the plane as a dome and told her it was the dome over there and i pointed out the window. To which grandma says is it inside or outside? I looked at grandma and said "well grandma, planes are usually outside". A funny moment we had there. Sadly usually when we laugh on trips its at grandma's expense.
Fourth- on the plane from Atlanta to Tel Aviv... the headphones. hopefully everyone knows about standard airplane headphones, they curve around your ears and the plug into the seat. Well i look over at one point during the flight and mom is fighting with her headphones. So i put them on her ears. Then shes still struggling, well the headphones come with a one prong and a two prong, the two prong can come off depending on what kind of flight you have. So mom is trying to get the two prong and plugging it into the one prong that is on the seat. i carefully show her what shes doing wrong, and she starts laughing hysterically. all this happened with NO words exchanged!
i suppose thats the only really funny things here so far. But theres another mentionable piece of information. I am a VERY picky eater. Its something that my family knows how to deal with and so they basically ignore me and expect me to fend for myself. But other people cant bring themselves to ignore me. So they go out of their way to try and fix me foods that i might eat. Perfect example was tonights dinner. Ibrahim cooked chicken curry and realizing that i probably wouldnt eat it he made plain rice and peas and carrots. Which would have been fine. BUT he decided that i would need something more than that so he also cooked me hotdogs. But i dont eat hotdogs either!! Needless to say... i do just fine on my own, and people dont need to go out of their way to make me food that i will eat, because it may not work out the way its expected to! And with that i am gone. Til tomorrow!!

Israel- Flight and day 1: Jaffa

Well the flight over here was a little iffy. First we got a big snow storm at home which piled 12 inches of snow on the ground the day before we left. So we go to the airport a little earlier than usual just to make sure that we can still leave. Turns out our flight from Louisville to Atlanta was the only one that hadnt been cancelled for the enitire day. We were lucky and apparently meant to go on this trip. But we werent totally out of the clear. The plane was delayed about 2 hours. Which could have been a problem for our connecting flight but we had a 4 hour layover in Atlanta and so we were able to get food and sit in Atlants for a few minutes before we had to board. So it all worked out really well. The 11 hour plane flight was LONG.. REALLY LONG. Everyone had their own individual television screens and was able to choose to do several things like watch movies, play games, listen to music, or watch an episode of a television show like House or Eureka. So I first watched Enchanted. Love that movie. Then I tried to sleep but that didnt work out well on account of mom getting really sick. She was sick for about an hour but once she vomited she felt a lot better. Sorry for the gory details! Before mom got sick we had dinner, there was choice of pasta, chicken, bread and butter or cheese and crackers. Mom had the pasta, grandma had the chicken and i had the bread and butter! I think that we eventually all got some sleep, but not much and it was very crowded on the plane. They had breakfast which was like self serve bananas and muffins. Pretty good actually. I actually first looked at the clock when we were five hours into the flight. So after that i tried to sleep more and ended up watching The Game Plan. During that movie is when i got my best sleep on the plane! After watching The Game Plan we were served a lunch of sorts, they offered pizza but mom, grandma and i just ate the fruit that they gave us. Then we made it to Tel Aviv. Actually we were 30-45 minutes early in arriving and Alia was not yet at the airport, so we were able to exchange money and kind of just cool for a few minutes. Alia picked us up and took us around a dark Tel Aviv. Interesting but really at that point i was ready to kind of sleep!! But was glad for the tour this morning. We had dinner and hung out and then slept.

This morning, we were all woken up by the burglar alarm which was set off by grandma. She didnt realize that the downstairs living room type thing was out of her zone. But it was not a terrible wake up call! We had breakfast and loaded 6 grown people into a small VW Jetta. We were squished. Grandma was sitting on my lap. So we went to drop Ibrahim and Yusef off at school and Alia took us to a hotel so that we could see about tours to Jerusalem. She then went off to work and we booked our tour and walked from Tel Aviv to Jaffa. It wasnt a long walk and it was along the Mediterranean Sea which was nice. It kept looking like it was going to rain but never did, yay. On the way to Jaffa we stopped at a small museum which honestly i still dont know what it was about but it was a nice stop. Once in Jaffa we mostly just looked around and went up and down streets. We went to a flea market which kind of stunk really bad and it was just people selling things that they didnt want anymore. And we also went to a few shops. Apparently you are supposed to barter here but none of us are really good at it so we just ended up spending the asked price! We saw a shop that sold Hookas (spelling?) and so we took our picture there! We had lunch at a little place where the waiter didnt know ANY english so other patrons translated for us. Mom and grandma ate weird food and I ate pita bread and drank sprite! After lunch we felt as if we had seen all of Jaffa so we just found a place to sit and hang out while we waited for the boys to get out of school. We met up with the boys at around 2:30 and were going to just ride with them in their cab home but had trouble because taxi drivers cant take more than 4 people. it is a serious crime and their licenses could be taken on the spot. So mom, grandma, Ibrahim and myself rode in the taxi home and i think that Yusef just walked home. But we got back to Alias and mom and grandma crashed. Ibrahim fixed some tea and we did homework and then i crashed. I woke up at 5:30 and just kind of relaxed some more. It is now 7pm and mom and grandma are still asleep, while i am writing this. I assume we will have dinner in a little while, Chicken Curry i am told. OOH almost forgot... they have orange trees right outside their house here and they are very good but leave my lips burning after i eat them!
So I suppose that is it until next time, hopefully tomorrow. The game plan is Old and New Jerusalem tomorrow!

What i dont know

Some people may think that they know me but really how can they know me when i dont even know myself. Life sucks, not always but usually and theres no getting around that. Things almost never work out the way you want them to and even if they did theres something right around the corner that will shoot good things down. I live for myself, i usually like myself, but i am so tired with putting up with everyone elses stuff. Its not my fault that you didnt make it to lunch, i dont have to call you we eat at the same time every day, or just about, sometimes people are early and sometimes they are late but EVERY day we eat at just about the same time. Oh and wanting to go somewhere with me after months of not talking to me im sorry i just dont think im ready for that. You dont have to tell anyone anything, i can make my own plans. Seriously. There are some people from home that i dont mind not seeing, there are the people from back home that were toxic to me and its one thing to talk to them but an entirely different thing to see them. I dont like to be pushed aside for other things that are kind of trivial in your life, and you know what im not going to push you away unless you are just driving me crazy and honestly I like to have time to myself. But if everytime that we make plans you just decide that it cant happen then soon enough im just going to stop making plans with you. There are other people in this world who like my company and who are nice to me. As you can see im not really in a good mood and if this seems personal its not. If i happen to be going on a trip with a guy that you may like and you found out from him im sorry, but honestly the reason i didnt tell you is because you hurt my feelings, telling me that when i wore eyeliner i looked dead, thanks thats a great feeling to have. Oh and dont forget when a comment is made about me in my sorority letters, that just plain hurt. I dont think people mean to hurt me usually but it happens, i am a very senstive person. Im not going to take of my letters just because you ask me to, i was asked by people to put those letters on and i already feel leary to be happy in the sorority, not for my sake but because of the people around me. Damn it im just not emotionally stable to handle all the bull that has been thrown my way. So if i feel distant its because im afraid that if i say something then i will be shot down, i dont need your approval to be myself but then again i dont need your help in making me feel invisible. I can fall flat on my face all by myself. And yes there are things that i am slow in getting, and i will laugh at myself for some of these things but when i say that im not in the mood, im not and i dont find it funny. So please dont laugh at it because it will just make me angry and i dont like being angry.
I am venting, dont take everything said in this post to heart but these are the things bothering me. I dont need your help to be myself but i do need you to be there for me when im lying on the ground. So thanks to those of you who have been there. And to those who are trying to help me, making plans for me, being sarcstic about things that i have done that werent the greatest decisions, thanks for being the ones who make me stronger, maybe when its all over i wont be so sensitive.
The last thing on my mind, its the leaving the country bit. I am so happy to be getting out of this country for a week, this trip cant come soon enough. Oddly enough its trips away from home, away from KY that center me. So heres to Israel, the trip that will make me feel like myself again.

There's only one final between me and second semester of college

So this semester has been stressful and sickly, new and scary, fun and weary. But its almost over and im gonna recap a little.
The first week of classes i was incredibly homesick.. thinking that i would even have to transfer colleges, just to be home again. I was also really sick sick, to the point where i couldnt talk, talk about an interesting first few days of classes.

Then i decided to drop one class. That was kind of a hard decision but totally worth it now that i look back.

Then the second week of classes, my grandma passed away. That was such a hard time but honestly i think that college, and being away from home helped me move on faster.

October was fairly uneventful and nice i suppose... Even if it was a little stressful.

November, i stayed my first weekend at Transy, mostly because my parents came for family weekend. Then the week before Thanksgiving i had a cousin pass away. Another hardship but as my chem professor said, you are only given what you can handle, even if you dont think you can handle it.

December has been short, and quick... Basically two weeks in december and the first full week i had two test and this week i have two finals... hmm... so December has been stressful but that will be over in two days when i get to go home for 3 weeks.

Up next? More chem and spanish and FLA... but adding Bio too... hopefully ill make it!
Til next time...
Jessie

What is this feeling?

I feel as if you are right beside me,
though I know you are nowhere near
Its hard to know what to do
when I dont have any real contact with you
i want to be with you
but its so hard because of the worlds between us
you are the one who grounds me
and for now you are so far from me
ill see you in a matter of weeks
but its not soon enough
i feel like the world cant get to me when im with you
and thats the best feeling in the world
i dont know if its something that will last
or something that you feel
but that feeling is what i long for
i think about it all the time
and have the need for it now
life is rough
and you will be able to help me figure it out
maybe we are meant to be
or maybe we are just supposed to be friends
whichever it is i cant wait to see your smiling face
and be held in your arms, even if we are just friends
so thinking of you til then
I cant wait to see you in Israel

Its been a while

So its been a while since I last wrote...
First of all my grandma died in September. It was a hard loss but I think she is in a better place, she was suffering at the end and it was no fun.
Second, I am almost done with my first semester at college, its definately been challenging and I may not have the best grades but I think that I have grown tremendously, and I have learned lots of things too.
Third, I started to like someone here at Transy but I realized that it wasnt him that I liked I was projecting my feelings for someone that I dont get to see very often on to this guy at Transy. I wasnt really able to start a conversation with Transy guy and I was more shy than I normally am and I knew that something was off and Im not able to put it in words but I now know where my heart belongs, or at least for now.

Other things... I am going to Israel in March, hopefully, and that makes me so happy. I cannot wait.

I dont really have a poem to put on here right now, Im feeling just a bit sick, both of my parents had the flu this past week and I was home for the weekend... great, I am going to get this.

At this point I think my heart is with a person who is not living in the United States at the moment, I dont know how this will work out, though I really hope it does, I will keep this updated... or at least I hope I will.

Back to college life for a minute... I have met some really incredible people here at Transy, and I am so thankful that they put up with me and are my friends, they are ALL amazing!

This is me

So this is to make of list of things that make up me.
I am a tomboy that can sometimes be a girly girl.
I fall hard and fast for guys and I dont get over them easily.
That being said, I care deeply about the people that I am around.
I dont like to party, drink or do drugs.
I love my family, and I spend as much time with them as possible.
My neices are very important to me and I want to always be there for them.
I love animals, I have all my life.
I fight for what I believe in.
I get hurt incredibly easily.

And thats it for now... if i think of more ill write them here!

Road to life

So here i am just shy of two weeks before i move off to college in Lexington. There are many things running through my head as there usually are and again, this is my place to vent. Ah, where to start. Well i suppose i could start off with my feelings about college. I am told that its an amazing time in life but i am pretty much completely and totally scared of whats going to happen. Although i have to admit that im incredibly excited also. There is so much going on right now and its all scary and exciting. I have to admit too that i am worried, not so much for myself rather i am worried about my family. They all have things going on and life, gosh life is not nearly as perfect as it used to be! As for me, i cant stop thinking about my future. Not my college future, but my life after college. For some reason i have started to become somewhat infactuated with what im going to do in life as well as who i am going to spend my life with and where my life is going to take me. I really hope that i make lots of money as well as my future husband and i hope that we get to travel lots and have a family that appreciates the things that i have grown up to appreciate. Well as usual when i type my things out they seem smaller than they do in my head. Thats a good thing i suppose. Well, ill be heading out now... and ill try to keep things small! til next time,
Jessie

Hard facts of my life

So this is no poem. This is no bad news, nor is it any good news. This is me thinking about the hard facts of my life, trying to understand some of the things that i do whether they are important facts or not, it doesnt matter. Ive been going though some things lately and im just trying to wrap my head around these facts. So i suppose i will do this in a list.

Boys- at the beginning of this summer i found myself being liked by two guys. Since being liked by one guy is incredibly rare for me, two was almost imaginable and so i told myself that would make no commitments, meaning i wouldnt date anyone over the summer. Ok at this point i will talk about the specific guys. There was M, my ex-boyfriend. And A, a guy that i met at prom. M and i went fishing a couple of times and we texted pretty much nonstop. That was nice but i realized, for the second time that i didnt really like him. I liked that he was a nice guy but i really couldnt see myself dating him. Then there was A, well we met at prom and then talked some on the internet. He went on a mission trip and i went to Arizona. We got back on the same day and his church had a welcome back party and i was invited. So we got to hang out then and then other times. Which was nice and i really like A but for some reason im keeping him at an arms distance. I know there are many reasons for this distance that im putting, one is that we are going to college and arent going to be around each other at all. I feel that the distance really has nothing to do with A but at the same time everything to do with him. After all its this amazing guy that im holding at an arms distance for no good reason. So thats the basics of one problem. Oh, wait, theres more to this problem. Ok so now that we've gotten the M and A people taken care of theres is this other person, he his I. I and i have only known each other for about 3 years, we met because our mothers were friends when they were growing up. Ok so i just saw I for the first time in 3 years. This kind and myself became fast friends 3 years ago and have been in touch even though he is living abroad. But friendship is all that was there. This trip, we didnt get to spend a great deal of time together but we were there. Again things werent like lovey dovey or anything like that. Far from it infact. But since ive gotten home there have been these bugs in my head. Not bugs like "i cant live my life without this guy" but rather those saying "i could definately live my life with this guy." Im not by any means understanding all of these thoughts or lack there of but this is just what im feeling.

Then theres the im going off to college problem. My mom and i have always gotten along great, but recently we have been getting into a great deal of arguments. They arent any fun, but the saddest thing is that these fights are pushing us away and at a really bad time. I need her and i want to be around her and hang out with her before i go off to college. But unfortunately this is becomming harder and harder because anytime that we are around each other for an extended period of time we fight. This fighting is breaking me apart. My dad and my brother feel as if its because she is worried and scared for me. But whatever it is she needs to see that i am going to be ok without her but i want to hang out with her. This fighting though is just making me to desperately want to get away from this house. I want to be at college but then again im scared. See, im having lots of problems! Starting today however, my father seems to have taken up the agnst that my mother has been giving me. Or maybe its just me and everyone else is just annoying me and i need to go to transy. Who knows.

Ok i think im going to stop there because as i have written this tears have come to my eyes several times. Not a good thing.

Oh wait. I almost forgot, this past Tuesday my father had another one of his heart issues. Its scary for him but also for me and the rest of us. But on the drive home i was just so annoyed with him because he kept saying that hes basically the perfect patient. When in reality hes not. I love my father but even though he claims that he doesnt smoke, he does, he smokes cigars, and granted its not all the time but it is when he is in a car. This really upsets me. And he says that he exercises 4-5 times a week. Yes he goes on walks, but its not rigorous activity. Im not going to go any further.

By the way, though i understand if some people read this they will be hurt and for that im sorry but this is what im feeling at the minute. Well these things and im hurt, scared, and totally confused.

PINK JEEP!!!

So Thursday we drove up to Sedona. Its different from Phoenix in that instead of all desert its all rock! Red rock realy pretty. On our way to Sedona, actually really close to the city itself we stopped at the Chapel of the Holy Cross. Its a really neat church that is built into one of the red rock formations. We spent a little while there and my dad een lit a candle for out family. It was just a really cool church i dont know how else to explain it! Then we went into downtown Sedona. And on the recommendation of a friend, Jennifer we decided to take a Pink Jeep tour. What happens is you basically go 4 wheeling in a pink jeep. WE climbed around all kinds of rocks and even went up and down some of the formations. I think that this was THE BEST part of the trip. At one point we were going down one of the formations at a 45 degree angle! IT was SO FREAKIN fun!And while we were in Sedona we shopped!! Good times shopping. There were some cool shops and things to do. Over all from this trip i came home with 6 new t-shirts!!
Stay tuned for Friday's story!
Jessie

Off Day

Again.. i got a little behind on writing about the vacation but i did take notes silly as that might sound so that i wouldnt leave anything out. Ill even separate the days by making them different posts so its easier to understand. Ok so Wednesday we drove homre from Tuscon and on the way back to Phoenix we stopped at the San Xavier Mission. Its a mission church that is on a indian reservation and it was really neat and moving. The inside was just so beautiful. There was reconstruction going on and near the construction site there was a sign warning about lightning. It said that if you hear thunder or see a storm coming in then you should leave that area because lightning was very dangerous and that area was NOT safe during a storm. It kinda made me laugh. After that we finished the drive back to our hotel in Phoenix. And we spent the rest of the day in our hotel. Just kinda hanging out and reading and all that good stuff.
That was Wednesday...stay tued for Thursday!
Jessie

Tuscon

So i know this is a day late but its better late than never! yesterday we went to Tuscon. We took kinda f a long way there and went through Saguaro National Park and the Senora Desert Museum. So Tuscon is like 2 hours away. And on the way there we passsed an Ostrich farm! we didnt go there but it was kinda of a fummy thing to see. Ok so we went first to saguaro National Park and it was kinda cool and interesting, and very cactusy! That isnt a work but i like it anyway! There are lots and lots of cactus in the park. Which is probably not a bad thing! So there really wasnt many interesting things there other than the cacti so we drove down the road and to the Sedona Desert Museum. It was a pretty cool little museum. There was an outside path that took you through many parts of a desert and it was almost like a zoo. They had lots of different animals in various habitats. They had hummingbirds and javainas (spelling?!) and coyotes and rattlesnakes! They had all kinds of animals. The only down side was of course the heat!! Funny story: I was ooking at a t-shirt and trying to figure out if it would fit me. Well the man at the store said that i could try it on so i stepped into a closet to try on this shirt. it fit and so after putting on my other shirt i stepped out so that we could buy the new shirt. Well five minutes go by and i look at my shoulder. I noticed that a seem was facing me and i thought "thats not right" so i looked at the design on my shirt and well my shirt was inside out. I put it on inside out after trying on the other shirt!! I had a good laugh at that for about 5 minutes and since there wasnt a bathrom around me when i oticed that i had it on inside out i walked around for a few minutes with my shirt inside out!! It was a embarrassing thing to do but i got a good laugh out of it and thats all that matters! After the desert museum we went to my mom;s cousins house. And we met my second cousins. Olivia who's 13 and Jol whos 20 i think. They were very nice their mm, my moms cousin, BA was not home at the time, she works for American Airlines and was going to the airport to pick up her husband. Anyway so Joel and Olivia were the only ones that were home when we got there. So we lounged around the pool (they had a very nice inground pool that went from like 3 or 4 feet to like 8 or more feet and it had a diving board at one end). So we lounged around and went swimming. Then BA and her husband, Jason brought home soe diner and we all ate and chatted. It was a pleasant evening and then we went to bed. So thts it for yesterday. I am going to write a separate post for today! Later ya'll!!
Jessie

I dont think ill ever know why its 'heard' rather than 'herd'

Ok well to explain the title: we went to the Heard Museum. Its this museum that focuses on the Native Americans of this part of the country. It was a pretty interesting museum. But the museum didnt really deal with the sense of hearing. I could see why it would be called the Herd museum because many indian peoples followed the herds of te animals that they hunted. So i really dont understand why its Heard rather than Herd but it doesnt matter does it?! After the Heard Museum we went to a ghost town. It was called Goldfield Ghost Town, and mine. It was preety cool place too. WE did one of those old timey pictures and i got to be a saloon girl!! Which some people would today calla hooker! :) It was fun and at least i didnt have to go out wearing the clothes i tok he picture in because that would just be too much for me to handle!! The ghost town also had a reptile exhibit and Arizona has at least 13 different types of rattlesnakes. This exhibit had all of the types and they were just a little scary. Needless to say im glad they were in cages!! So that abous sums up today! Til tomorrow!!

Arizona and the architecture

So today was the first full day in AZ. It was pretty good. We got up kinda late, which is understandable because of all the traveling that we had yesterday. We had breakfast, i made a waffle... it was good. Then we went to Taliesin West. A home designed by architect Frank Lloyd Wright. Hes my favorite architect. MAN are his houses WONDERFUL... if ever i becomerich im going to buy blueprints for a house that he has designed because i love his houses so much. So we went on a 90 inute tour of the house which was so fun. While on tht tour, i got a great start to a nice tan!! Then after that we went and saw some petrogyphs.that was fun and the signs on the side of the path said watch out for rattlesnakes!! EEEK... good thing we didnt see or hear any!! Well that was all that we really did today. So ill write later... Hasta luego!!
Jessie

Flying to Arizona

So as promised to many people. Here is day one of my daily travel blog! Yesterday we left KY for AZ. We left KY at 4 EST. We arrived in AZ at 9 AZ time or 12 midnight KY time! S then we slept. What a boring first day. The fun things about yesterday were getting lost and dancing to electric slide at the hotel. Apparently there was a graduation party going on and so i felt compelled to dance as we were checking in!! Another fun part of yesterday was the car rental. See i had my sights set on renting a Jeep. I wanted that SO freakin badly. But it just wasnt meant to be. Nope we got a newish Rav4 instead. for those reading who dnt know me i drie a Rav4. But the one that we rented its way more spacious and the back seats move almost as much as the front ones. This is something that i find VERY exciting. OH, its kinda like sittingin bulkhead seating on the airplane, which i got to d for the first time yesterday. Oh, man it was WONDERFUL!! The plane rides werent bad, on the first flight we were on the very last seats on the plane and then we were in bulkhead seating on the second plane with two airly cute guys sitting behind us. See i notice the important stuff in life!! Well we are about to start today's adventure so ill write later. by the way there are LOTS of spanish speaking people here!! hasta Luego!! (see you later)
Jessie

After Graduation

So the last post was not very long, i was distracted to say the least. After graduation i went to Outback with my family, i paid, arent i so nice?! My brothers and father and my nephew had shirts with a picture of me saying "My little sister"; "Daddy's Little Girl"; "My Aunt Jess" respectively. Seeing those almost made me cry! Other than that graduation was just something to get through. As i said earlier i wont really miss many people but rather the teachers that i have grown to love over the past couple of years. So im happy to be graduated and excited to move to the next point in my life: college!

As for right now, I am preparing to go to Arizona for a week. I am packing!! YAY!! So i hope to write like i did when i went to Hawaii, stay tuned. Also, in July i am going to Washington DC for the vet conference with my mom. So look forward to my daily travel blogs!!

Last thing before im done for the night. This summer is going to be a busy one for me. I have 4 jobs lined up, though im only currently working two. I have a job at my chiropractors office, im working with my mom at the vet clinic. The other two that i have lined up, though havent started yet is a tutoring job for a friends son and a decorating job for my friend who received Yeager as a service dog this month!! SO though my summer is going to be busy i will try to write soon!

Til next time....
Jessie

Graduation

So tonight i am graduating. Its kinda exciting but then again its also very sad. See im really not going to miss the people that im graduating with, well at least i wont miss most of them. Its sad though because its the end of a huge chapter in my life. Its funny how for 12 years your parents make you go to school and then one day you are on your own, deciding whether or not you are going to go to school. I just want to be me for me but right now i dont know exactly who i am. So i guess this summer is going to be a mission, if you will to find who i am. Well ive got to go. Will write more later! Til next time.....
Jessie

Easter

Happy Easter! So today was a really kinda interesting day. It was full of memories and also sadness. Until about 3 years ago we celebrated holidays at my grandma's house in Louisville. She is now in an assisted living place and we went to have lunch with her. The lunch was nice but this was the first time I had seen my grandma since she had her dementia fit and was mad at the world. She was quiet for the most part but one thing that she said really stood out to me. Basically it stood out to me because it was a comment about me and my driving. My parents were with her when I got in my wreck in January so she knew about it right away well today she told my aunt that my dad had to bail me out of jail because the cops called him when i got in that wreck. Thats the sadness of the day. The memory part is Timmy and his brother and sister came to visit me one Easter and since i was at my grandma's celebrating coming home reminded me of that day. See that Easter when we came home our neighbor was with Timmy and Shawn and Mandy and Shawn had no front teeth. He was coming down our driveway and a car was coming down the road and he didnt have any brakes so he put his feet out to stop his bike and flipped over the handlebars and lost his front teeth. Which last time I saw him still werent exactly the way they should have been. So theres my stories for the day. Again I am feeling sorry for myself and this is my way to vent.
Til next time....
Jessie

Transy

So its official. Well, almost. I went to Transy this past week and absolutely LOVED it. I got to hang out with some really cool people and my overnight host seemed to know everyone. It was just great. I even got to experience part of an all-nighter, although I went to bed at 2:30. My overnight host was Becca and she was really friendly and immediately I felt as if I was being welcomed by a huge hug from the Transy community. Becca had one friend, Michelle that we pretty much hung out with the whole time and she was cool to. Then came the guy friends. There were alot of guys that she introduced me to and I'm sure I'll miss a couple but here are the names of the ones that i remember. Sorry to those of you that I dont remember. There was Will, i think she said that he was a freshman and he let me hang out with him in his Chem 2 class. It was a class that I was scheduled to go to but it was nice I knowing and being able to sit near someone that i knew. Then there was Thomas, he is a Junior i think. I really didnt get to talk to him much but he seemed like a cool guy. Then i met Alex and Lee and Whitney and Laurie (they are twins) and more people that i cant remember. But the bottom line is that I had a blast and that i cant wait to go there in the fall.
Til next time... Jessie

Walking

The past few days i have been walking with different people at Bernheim Forrest. I have walked the same trail yet each day its been different. It acutally has been really nice. The weather has been great and the company is pretty good too. :) The best thing i think these walks have done is a form of therapy kind of. Really its been good to walk and talk to my friends and my mom about whatever is going on. Its a time to not think about anything in the world but me and the person that i am walking with. I am really hoping to make this a almost daily activity. Well then, I just wanted to talk about my walking experiences. Not only am i getting some quality time with people, but i am also getting exercise! Well then, til next time....
Jessie

Back to Normal.

My life is finally slowly getting back to normal. Well normal for my life! I got my job back and though I dont really want to work it means that I will get paid and that makes me VERY happy! I am looking forward to getting a break from school. Its not really stressful right now and I am keeping up and even doing some things ahead of time but I am really getting tired of the people. I can only take people in small doses and this months dose for some reason feels like its about 5 times too much. Right now I feel as if my teachers pretty much trust me with everything. I run errands for teachers and I even get put in charge of classes and its something to take pride in I guess. Im not the type to rebel but right now I just wish people wouldnt tell me their expectations for me or even how proud of me they are. I know this is something silly to complain about bur really I just want to be Jessie. Not "oh, I'm so proud of who you are, Jessie;" or "your parents should be so proud of you." I guess I really need to focus on what makes me happy and then for everyone else just let them think what they want to think. Most important, I think, is that I become a person that I would be happy to be. Lately I have been thinking a great deal about my future and college. I am getting excited about college but I still havent got a clue of what I want to do. There's nothing that just jumps out at me or anything that I really have a passion for. For some reason lately I have thought about doing something having to deal with theology. Its not something that i thought would be something for me to do, however all the different aspects of all the different religions completely intrigue me. I love learning about the different traditions and everything that people do for their religion. Its all very interesting to me. But then I dont really know what I would do with a theology major. Nor do I know how I would fit theology in a medical field. I think thats what I will go into because I am so much a math and science person. So therefore I think the medical field is my destiny, maybe with a minor of theology. Who knows. Well back to my European History homework. Til next time..... Jessie

Today's thoughts

I wonder what people think of me and what I have become. The adults that I know keep telling me that they are proud of me but what about my peers. I know that peer pressure is something that people avoid but even good students and students that are clean still are affected by peer pressure. Well, at least I am. Its important to me to be accepted. I don’t know why. I still like walking to my own music but I want backup to be there when I stumble or when I am unsure of myself. My biggest problem that I deal with every day is the problem of not being loved by guys my age. I know that this will change and I am counting down the days until that happens. However, its hard to see happy couples and to keep a smile on my face when things just aren’t perfect. The happy go lucky person that is pretty much always smiling and has gotten the nickname of “smiley”. That’s the person that everyone knows. There is another person here and its someone that people don’t get to see so often, it’s a hidden and secret identity. This person is stronger than I am, she is bold and speaks her mind. This girl is unafraid of anything that comes her way. She takes everything in as it comes to her. She lets things flow around her and pick her up and take her when its ready. This woman is angered easily and doesn’t get over things so easily. She gets really hurt easily too. It really hurts her and makes her mad when she has plans with someone and then those plans fall through. The excuses that are given usually sound really fake to me. Spending time with the family is understandable, but is that really what is going to happen or did you just not want to hang out with me in the first place. If what I suggested was something that really doesn’t sound fun to you then DON’T say “oh yea lets do that” because saying that gets my hopes up and then I am just disappointed. I am an eternal optimist but sooner or later I am going to break and not be so happy go lucky. I will snap and whoever gets the brunt of my wrath may not end up being my friend after I am done telling them exactly what I think. I am a people pleaser but at some point I have to please myself too. Its hard, and scary. Life is happening all around me and somehow I feel as if I am just watching it and not actually living it. On the other hand I am someone who just goes with the flow because that’s what is easiest to do. One day I will break the mold that I have created and I will shock everyone around me, including myself. The bottom line of all this and what got me talking in the first place was the fact that breaking plans really aggravates me. If we plan something then follow through. Bottom line. I can understand family emergencies but not every time we have plans. And I can understand having to spend time with your parents but not every time we are supposed to do something. When people say things like this to me it make me feel inadequate, even though I’m not. It makes me feel like a loser and I hate the feeling. So next time you initiate something I will probably have “other plans” even if its not right, it makes me feel better. I know that it just starts a cycle but I don’t really care. So that’s my thoughts for now. Til next time….

Update

Ok so now some hectic life things are over and this is my time to do some reflecting. Dad had kidney stone surgery last Friday. I got my Prom dress on Friday, with help from 2 fun people and a very special dog! My grandma will probably be gone in less than 3 months. And I have seen real and pictures of some really attractive boys!

Dad's surgery went well and he is happier!

My prom dress is FREAKIN awesome. I really like it. Although it is red and i am not really a red person I must say that it looks pretty good on me!

Its hard to think that my grandma wont live much longer but really it will be better for her. She has changed so much and I really want to remember her for who she was and not who she has become and I realize that saying this might make me seem selfish but hey, maybe I am. I dont plan on visiting her until the inevitable happens. I love her and told her that last time I saw her.

Both attractive boys that I have seen recently are boys that I have known for a while but I must say that they, hmm how to put it, they have grown nicely since the last time that I have seen them.

As for a huge decision that I am facing in the next month or so: College, I think that in my mind i have really made my decision, however my body is saying that i just need to wait for my overnight visit.

So back to the present and whats rolling out of my mind right now! I am really looking forward to college, not just for the moving on and growing up but also for the people that I really hope to meet. Honestly I am hoping to have a happy relationship by this time next year. So far, i have lived most of my "love life" in my dreams and through books (though i really dont like romance novels, I have only read one that could even count as one). I am excited and somewhat anxious to have a fun, happy relationship.

Final thoughts: Your life reflects the way that you live. Life is what you make of it, and being an eternal optimist, even though the last month hasnt been great for me, I was continually thankful that it wasnt worse. I wasnt having the best of months and yet I kept thinking about people in places like Africa. So though life hits hard every now and then, always remember, it could get worse and if you are negative about things it probably will, though if you think positive thoughts, it will get better.

Wow, I think I got a good bit of rambling in! Til next time....
Jessie

Being There

Hey there, here's a new poem. Enjoy! I'll leave the origin to your imagination! :)

I told him what I needed
and he said that he was there
I asked him if I hurt him
And he said that he got over it
He should know I didn’t mean to
Now he loves someone else and doesn’t care…
As much; but still he goes on a limb
And is there whenever I have a fit
He tells me that he will always think of me as more than just a friend
I tell him that I still care for him
And I don’t want to step on any toes
He has someone new that he loves
A girl that doesn’t know what she’s got
I was like that to
It was hard for us to go our separate ways
And harder still to make it work
But he says he will always be there for me
I will always be thankful for that
The door swings both ways
And I hope that he will remember that
For I will always talk to him
If that’s what he needs
Even if its 2am and he’s on his knees
Or later like 4
When I am ready to hit the floor
To me he will always be Mr. Mysterious
Even if its just friends for us.

Til next time....
Jessie (finally getting back to her old self)

Stress Attack

Well today was an interesting day. I went to school and almost at the end of my first class, I had a panic type thing happen. It was tachycardia. My heart rate shot up to 120-130 beats per minute for no apparent reason. I also have an ear and sinus infection. My dad is ok, after a stint in the ER last Friday because of superventricular tachycardia. And my grandma is losing it as she is dying. I am an emotional wreck and only wish for a guy to hold me while I cry. I haven't been able to cry everything out yet. I want to so bad but when I am by myself its just so hard. It doesn't have to be a boyfriend either because I know I am just not up for that right now but you know, a friendly shoulder that will just be there for as long as it will take. Right now though, I am living on my dreams that I am having of the summer, looking forward to college (no matter how scared of it I am) and books that I am reading. These things are the only things giving me a reprieve from the hardest week to date in my life.

I was just reading a friend's bulletin on myspace and one of the questions is: What is the most unsatisfactory answer you've ever received? and right now I'm really wanting to answer just that one question. Ok so the MOST unsatisfactory answer I have ever received is "we are to good of friends, your like a sister to me." Now guys, listen up. This is not a good answer for a lot of reasons. First, its NOT what the girl wants to hear. Second it hurts just as bad or worse than almost anything else you can say. And third, its just a stupid rejection, DONT USE IT!

Ok so now I am going to go complain to some of my friends, maybe they will listen to me or at least read about my feelings.
Til next time, I'm feeling sorry for myself!
Jessie

Life

So life has recently put some road blocks up. They aren't as bad as some that people experience but nonetheless they aren't fun and I am in the mood to share them. As you all know my grandmother fell back in August, she fell again in late December and has been living in an assisted living home. She is now screaming telling everyone that she is wanting to die. She is going downhill REALLY fast. This is really hard for me because she may be the FIRST person that I am close to to ever die. It is really scary for me. Another block was last Friday my dad had an episode of SVT, super ventricular tachicardia (i don't know if that is spelled right or not). Basically it is where someone's heart starts beating REALLY fast, like 200 beats per minute. This is the second time my dad has been hospitalized for SVT in a month and a half. He is ok now but he has had two different kinds of episodes since Friday and that too is scary. Not only is my dad having heart issues he also has bronchitis, as does my mom. And becuase I am living in a house with two sick people I too am sick. So that is my life at the moment. OK, now that I have that out I think I can concentrate on my homework. Does everyone know that on top of this life I have 2 Advanced Placement classes going on in addition to volunteering for 2 organizations and all my school activities? Ok I am really done complaining now. Comment me, it may be able to distract me just a little. Til next time....

Blurred Away

I don’t know what to say
My feelings are all mushed and life has blurred away
See, I like this guy
But I am so shy
I think he is too
So this will be something very new
We don’t know each other very well
And as far as I can tell,
He’s got the best personality.
My friends say that guys just don’t see all of me
But I think he just might
Its too soon to tell, but I’ve been up all night
I can’t get him out of my mind
Maybe he’s the one that will be able to find
The real me, the one that others pass over
Maybe he will see what’s below the cover
But until that happens, life is calling
Though I seem to be falling
I hope that I can keep my head above the water
I don’t want to falter
I have done that so much in the past
And its not something that I want to happen again, so fast.

Hey everyone, this is my newest poem. Its like a week old, but hey its here. This one isn't really about a particular person but more about several people. OK then I'll write again soon.
Til next time...
Jessie

The big 5 - 0 (post number 50)

I just got some pretty exciting news today. A friend of mine that has been living in Israel will be coming back across that big blue ocean sometime this summer. This is really exciting for me. Man, I really hope that they get to come to KY to meet my friends! I was actually hoping that they would be able to come in May, but no such luck. So it looks like this will be a short post because I have nothing more to say. Well, til next time.
Jessie

What I really need

So I have realized one of my biggest problems, and its sad that it took me so long to realize this. I find myself falling for guys a lot and before now I didnt realize why I would fall for someone only to be hurt. Its my want to fit in. But now that I know this maybe I will not get so hurt so often. See today, thanks to my brother, I realized that the only people that I absolutely need right now are my family. Yes, my friends are important too but my family is the most important. I hope that one day I will find the right guy and that I will hold on to him. See another problem of mine is that I find guys that really like me and we will go out but soon after we start "going out" I realize that they aren't the ones for me so I dump them. This has happened twice in the past year. I dont know why but I get scared off too easily. Yea, this is a flaw of mine but its something that I am going to learn to deal with and hopefully this WONT keep me from someone that I really love. But until then I guess those who I date will have to live with my flaws and hopeiflly one day I wont get scared of the one who really matters. So til next time....
Jessie

Almost 1 year anniversary

So as I am writing this blog I am remembering all that has happened in the almost year that has gone by since I created this. In the past year I have:
Liked many people
Had 1 (yes 1) relationship ( and it lasted all of a week and a half)
Missed the ones that I grew up with
Cried Several times
Been called a stalker
Gotten addicted to Myspace
But as I say some of the big things that have happened in the past year. The thing that is on my mind is something that has happened within the last month. See I had fallen for another guy. I apparently do this quite often and quite hard. And as of yesterday he has a girlfriend. This really shocked me. See I thought that I might actually have a chance with this guy. The main reason behind my thinking was that he was older than me. So I thought that this was my chance to really have a good relationship. See I have only had 2 real relationships in my life and only one kiss, but that is besides the point. The point is that with both relationships I was the older person. This doesnt really bother me but when I found this new guy, lets call him KS I was happy at the thought of maybe having a relationship with him. I think that I really had deep feelings for him. I thought of him differently than I had other guys that I have liked.

I guess this post is just for me to get some hard feelings out, though that is often the base upon which I write.

I do realize that one day I will hopefuly find my prince charming. This is not quite the thing that I want to think about. Like some of my close friends, I want a person to love me now. Someone that will hold me and be there for me. I have great friends and a great family but its just not the same. For all the girls out there that are 16 and over and havent really had a good relationship yet. Hang in there, we will all get our chance someday. Our peak is NOT in high school. Our peak is later in life, when its much more rewarding. Hope that I have inspired someone and right now some comments would sure cheer me up!! So til next time.....
Jessie

Delirious

Hey everyone heres a new poem, lately ive been inspired i guess. Life is pretty great. Ill let you all know more as the days go by! So here goes:
Talking to you is amazing
it makes my heart start ablazing
you melt my heart and soul
especially when you call me beautiful
it brightens my day
no matter what you say
you call me your beautiful angel
and it leaves my feelings in a tangle
ive never been called anything like that
it makes me feel warm and fuzzy, like a cat
everything you say makes me smile
so much so that i feel like a child
anytime i think of you i get butterflies
you make me feel like im flying high
i dont care about what you have done
even if you have been shunned
as long as you dont lie to me
we can be together happily
you make me feel delirious
when im around you, my Mr. Mysterious

Ok thats it for now. Til next time....
Jessie

Another Poem

This is a poem that I wrote a while ago but I wanted to share it.
Sadness

Im all dressed in white
though the top is a little tight
ive been sitting here for quite a while
my mouth making a small smile
everybodys crying
and i feel like im flying
i see my mom
but i cant tell whats wrong
i want to ask her
but i cant find the words
look, theres dad
why is he so sad?
i dont understand
was this all planned?
whats wrong with me?
didnt anyone hear my plea?
i couldnt breathe
I was huffin' and puffin'
but no one could see
now im dead, in a coffin
all because i was raped and beaten
now my friends and family are all weeping

A serious subject, I know but its something thats in our world and we shouldnt jsut tun our backs.. Til next time

New Poem

Hey everyone. Here is a poem that I wrote for fun. I was trying to thin of a subject and marriage just came to me. Sad, I know but it kept me busy!! So here it is...

THe Happiest Day of My life?

why is everyone so happy
when i feel so crappy
its supposed to b the happiest day of my life
so why am i not seeing the light
whats wrong with me
why do i want to flee
i think i love him
but why am i so scared
im walking down the aisle now
everyone is smiling
maybe its the right choice
then i hear his voice
and all my fears go away
i know now this is where im going to stay
we say our vows
we're husband and wife now
and forever we will be
until death do us part
whenever that may be
a perfect ending
to a shaky beginning
it took us a while
and it all started with a smile
we were both suffering from broken hearts
but it was a good place to start
we werent looking for a relationship
but we found that and so much more
this man is my life
and when im with him everything else dissolves

Living Life

Its important to live your life. This is something that took me a while to figure out. I have gotten to the point where I'm not hung up on a guy but I am happy. I have known for a long time, thanks to my mom that I dont NEED a guy, I just have always wanted one. Now, it has gotten to the point now where I dont really want a guy. I suppose thats the wrong way to say it, let me explain. I will always WANT a guy but at the moment I am content with life and I am not LOOKING for a guy. Not that I was ever good at looking for them before, but thats a different story. Anyway, life is good. People have to realize that just because you want something to happen doesnt mean that it will. I think that once you come to terms with that, then you are able to live your life. This is the point when life becomes fun! So for all those who have broken hearts and those who havent gotten the chance at a relationship. I consider a real, good relationship more than a month, that may be wrong but for me thats what it is. So til next time, I hope I have inspired some people to live their life...
Jessie

Dont you hate being sick?

Well I have been sick for almost a week now and it really sucks. Right now I'm trying to get some homework done but its just not happening. Also at this very moment people are putting tile in my room. Is it called installing? I dont know but oh well. So Ive heard from my friend in Israel yesterday and today after like 3 months of no communication at all. So I am glad that he has finally checked his email. I bought a new CD playerfor my car thats exciting. Really, and I am going to have a friend install it tomorrow. Well I think im going to go read a book or write a poem. Til next time....
Jessie

Being able to talk

Well first I to thank a friend for being there when I needed to talk. It wasnt a long conversation and I dont know if they got anything out of it but they need to know that it was a talk that I needed to have. So thanks Justin. Ok I guess my life isnt terrible right now but it is kinda weird. I find myself thinking long and hard about a frienship that I have had for a long time. I want to be there for all of my friends but its kinda hard when they arent always there for me and when they are doing stuff that I dont like or things that I dont understand. Man I cant wait for high school and all the drama from it is over. I guess all of this could be because I am sick so I have been sitting around doing nothing in particular.
On a lighter note. I went to Big Blue Midnight Madness on Friday night. It was a lot of fun. Something that I have wanted to do for a while.
Well everyone, it think I'm done venting here, so til next time....
Jessie

Telling the Truth

This is not meant towards anyone in particular but it was just something that I was thinking about today. I wish that people would always tell the truth AND not contridict themselves. Like if you believe in something then you dont need to do something that contridicts what you believe in. The best example I can think of is God people who believe in God and then they go and ave sex with their significant other. Isnt pre-marital sex like against the Bible? See I dont know all my facts because I'm not a religious person but it seems to me that all those people who want to convert me have said that pre-marital sex is against religion in general. So i completely and totally hate it when people who supposedly believe in God and are his devout followers go and do something that they teach is wrong. This isnt just one thing that I have just happened accross, I'm just now venting about it. Another thing that I hate is when people lie. If I ask you a question I want you to answer it honestly. Ok so I think thats it, my rant for the day. Til next time everyone...

Understanding

Well first thing is first. Life at the moment is going ok. My grandma is now home and doing pretty good. They didnt discover anything truly bad except for her eating habits.
Theres just one thing that I really want to touch on today and so here it is...Bear with me.
People keep telling me that I dont understand what they are talking about but what they need to know is that I understand more than they know. I know about commitment and loss and love, boy do i kbow about love. (Another story) I am a pretty easy person get along with but I dont like to be told that I dont understand. So this is me: I am a person with feelings and they get hurt very easily. I love animals and traveling. OK I think Ive gotten my point across.... Now for more fun news.
I got my senior pictures this past weekend and they turned out really good.
umm.... let me think... I dont know that I have any other news at the moment.
Oh wait... I dont know how many of you all out there know this but my senior ring was stolen oh, I think the day after Labor Day so I was looking at my ring policy and turns out you can get a replacement for about 1/3 of what it originally cost me which is kinda expensive but I really liked that ring so I might just have to do that. Ok I think thats it...Til next time....
Jessie

The Perfect Guy

Lately it seems as if I have liked guys that just arent right. I know this is normal but I want it to be out there the type of guy that I really want. And if you are reading this and you are this guy feel free to contact me!

I want a guy who:
is up front with his life and doesnt hide things from me no matter how bad his past is
a guy who will call me every now and then, but not 4 times a day
one who will trust me and one that I can trust
a guy that wants to be with me because of my personality
he has got to make me laugh
I want a guy that likes to travel
one that knows when to back off and when I need to just cry in his arms
and the last thing about my perfect guy.... hes very romantic.... doing stuff for me that is really sweet

For the most part, this is my perfect guy. I know hes out there somewhere, I just hope I find him soon. Well til next time....
Jessie

Pretty Much my best day ever!

So I have been having a wonderful life for well the past couple of weeks. This is exciting!! Ok so the BIGGEST news is that I got accepted to Murray State University. This really makes me happy. It where I reall want to go to college. I guess this post will be short and sweet because that is the only big news that I really have. Other news is just that my life has been going nicely and I have no complaints. I have discovered this school year that I have some really awesome friends and I feel loved again. One of the big things that I have noticed lately, well I've known it for a long time but I am only now noticing it, you don't have to have a boyfriend to have a life. As long as you have good friends, and I have discovered that I do, then your life will be good. Yea, sometimes you WANT a boyfriend, sometimes you want it really bad, but you just have to remember that boyfriends will more than likely come and go more often than good friends. So thats my rambles for the day. Im sending a special shout out to Jesse, Sara, Teia, and Kayla. You all are awesome. I have other awesome friends but these are the ones that have really been there for me lately. Thanks guys. Im outta here.
Jessie

My scary Sunday

Hey everyone, I know I havent written in a while and I know theres about 200 people waiting to see what I'll write next! Just kidding, I dont even know how many people read this thing! There really isnt that much to say. Life hasnt been too extreme recently, yea I have a new person that I kinda sorta might like! But I'm not going to say too much now.... maybe later I will. Since the last time I wrote my family had a scare. For about 10 mintues we thought that my grandma was dead. My dad and I went to visit her one Sunday and she didnt answer her door then she didnt answer her phone, it was all very scary. But my aunt got to my grandmas house and we used her key to get in and we found my grandma. She had fallen and just couldnt get herself back up. And she couldnt reach a telephone. She had been on the floor for like 5 hours. She tried to crawl around to get a phone so that she could call someone but she just couldnt reach the phones in her house. So on that Sunday I got to call 911. Let me tell you its not fun to call 911. The good news is that my grandma is doing good, she is hardheaded and is ready to get back home.
I cant really think of any other news. So I suppose I'm outta here for now!
Jessie

First Day Back

So today was my first day back to school! It was somewhat fun, mostly it was just good to start my senior year. And adding to that I sent my application off to the college that I want to go to yesterday. So I think for now thats all the new things in my life. But so far I like my classes and the people in my classes, for the most part. I have a class with my ex and thats a little awkward but not totally, which is a good thing. I shara locker with a guy that I have liked off and on for 5 years and that is pretty cool. Though for now, since he has a girlfriend, I like him as a friend and I just happen to think that hes just a little bit cute. I mean he is a blonde haired, blue-eyed guy and Im usually a sucker for blue eyes, though not all the time. But all in all today was a pretty good day and I hope the rest of the year will be like today but I know that is wishful thinking.... still it would be nice.... But for now I outta here....
Jessie

A Cookout

Well today was the first time since hes been home that I have seen or talked to Nathan. And if hes reading this Im sorry for writing about you I know how much that weirds you out but this is something that I want to talk about. I saw him at a cookout that his mom hosted for his cousins birthday. We exchanged pleasantries but that was about it. Im not really sure how I pictured things would go but it was not the way that they did in real life. It was like he ignored me. It was really weird, and kind of sad. I hate to think that we ruined our friendship of many years because I wrote him a great deal of emails and that weirded him out. Well for now I guess things are going to be weird, and its a shame but Im definately not as bold as I would like to be and I have to ber approached by him in order to talk to him about things. He should know that Im over whatever it was that I had, with regards to liking him and Im sorry it cost a fun friendship. Well I guess for now I can just hope that things get better for Christmas. I will try to keep somekind of contact even if he doesnt want to talk to me. Well thats it for now....
Jessie

What happened to him?

Well if you know me then you know or know about this person that I liked for oh almost a decade! Yes you know the person, and if you dont then I have only known you for a really short time. Ok enough introductions. The person I am refering to is a boy and his name is Tim. He used to be my neighbor and he moved when I was in 8th grade. December 7, 2002 to be exact. But anyway I havent had much contact with him since, Ive gone to his house 2 times since he moved and he only moved 30 minutes away. The sad thing is that I was friends with his whole family and when they moved and didnt keep really good contact with me and it hurt me a huge amount. So it took awhile but I got over Tim and his family. I searched for a long time for closure and got it only this spring. So what I am here to talk about now is how things dont end up like you think that they would. When I knew/ was friends with Tim, he was a good guy. He was a good role model for the other guys that lived down the road and he had a future and he wasnt a "bad" kid. His mom has gone through a lot and before they moved she had gone back to college to become an accountant. So she had tried to make sure that her kids all had anything that they needed. So when I went for my closure, Tim wasnt there, in fact his things were packed and his sister told me that he was moving out. She also told me that she had heard that from one of her friends at school, not from Tim or his mom. Anyway I still havent really gotten to my point. So I went on myspace tonight and I clicked on my friends, he is one of my "friends". I looked at his page and saw what he had become. I dont think that he plans to go to college, he used to want to be a zoologist. He now drinks and does drugs. But the point is that I look at the person that I used to love, yes thats a big word and it took me a long time to actually realize that I didnt have just a crush. Anyway there is no way that I could love the person that he has become. I guess I am thankful that he didnt like me and that we never were anything more than friends, because if we were I would deny it now. I would deny it for the person he has become. I guess that this happens to a lot of people and that I might just sound goofy but it doesnt really matter because these are just my thoughts and you read them on your own accord. Well til next time.....
Jessie

The LONG ride home

Well yesterday was fun. J/K Yesterday was LONG see we left Hawaii Sat. at 4 am KY time and got home at 10 pm KY time. The plane from Hawaii to LA was delayed 40 minutes because Continental hired Aloha airline people to load the plane and apparently they did it wrong, they loaded luggage and then unloaded it and then loaded it again! Then we got to LA and everything was fine. I even slept on that plane, I was only awake for the brakfast that they served us. By the way there was a cute boy on the plane from Hawaii to LA! He liked golfing, no I didnt ask him, or talk to him but I overheard his conversation with his family. Im so bad! OK back to the travelling! We had a 3 and 1/2 hour layover at Houston and it went pretty well. I met my future husband there! He was a cute pilot!! And I actually talked to him! I said excuse me as I passed him! See I'm getting better, ever so sightly! Anyway then we boarded our plane and sat on the tarmak waiting for the storms to pass for about 2 hours! There were FORTY planes that had to take off before we were able to. So that was a little annoying. At least we didnt have another connection flight to catch. So we finally got home at about 10 last night. But my poor brother had to wait for like 2 hours at the airport for us. He got to the airport at 8 and the computers kept saying that our plane was going to be on time. Then the computer erased our plane entirely! My poor brother had to go ask someone down at the baggage claim what happened to the flight and they said that the computer was sometimes wrong. But the end of the story is that we made it home safely! No more vacation, back to work and now Im totally messed up by jet lag! Well thats it for now... Til next time....
Jessie

The Last Day

Well today is our last day. We leave tonight at 10 pm Hawaii time, 4 am home time. And we actually get home tomorrow 8pm in KY. So we have a long travel ahead of us, but its ok as long as theres is quiet on the plane!
So back to yesterday. Yesterday was a snorkeling/dolphin watching cruise. And though I did not snorkel due to a warning issued by the coast guard about jellyfish, I had a wopnderful time. Yes, there was another cute boy that I crossed paths with and no, like usual I did not talk to him! He might have been a couple of years younger, but he was definately a teenager. I dont know much because I didnt talk to him! Anyway we saw spinner dolphins and bottlenose dolphins. This made me VERY happy. And with both species we saw babies! On our way to the snorkeling place we came accross the spinner dolphins and they cant be found in captivity anywhere in the world and thats because they have such big pods and they are so social that putting a few in captivity would cause them to be very sad and it just wouldnt work out. But we saw this pod and there were at least 50 dolphins. And not only did we see them, they followed us to the snorkel spot. Some people who went snorkeling said that the dolphins swam under them, man, that almost got me in the water. But then the dolphins left and I didnt go into the water. I took over 15 pictures of the spinner dolhins! They get their name because they jump out of the water and spin. The naturalist on the boat was telling us that they blush kind of like people, only their bellies get red instead of their cheeks! So they definately put on a show for us, they spun and spun and spun and even the babies would try their hand at spinning only they were a little more clumsy! Then when everyone was back on the boat after snorkeling we had lunch and the people sitting accross from us at the table we were sitting at were from LA and one of them was a writer for the Dr. Phil show. So that was kind of fun to find out. Then as we were heading back to the harbor we saw the bottlenose dolphins. They have smaller pods because they are bigger dolphins and so we saw about 5 or 6 and a baby. One of them jumped out of the water and it looked as if it had an extra fin but really it was some kind of parasite fish that was attached to the dolphin. So as you can see I had a really good time yesterday and am sad that I have to leave today. But there is one thing that I am really missing from home and that is my Payton, the most wonderful dog in the world! So I cant wait to see her, to bad she isnt vested anymore or she would be able to meet me at the airport. Darn the bad luck! Well I'm going to stop here and I'll write more later, though not from Hawaii. By the way there is a tropical storm headed towards the islands and it looks as if we are leaving right in time! Plus, have I ever told anyone how much I LOVE Hawaiian shave ice? It is the best ever. To bad we dont have it back home. But now im really done. Til next time...
Jessie

The White Submarine

Well today we started out on the beach. We stayed there for about 2 hours. It was fun especially since about an hour after we got there a whole bunch of boys got there. I mean like 10 cute boys all swimming no more than 30 feet away from me. It was exciting. Of course I didnt get any names but I did get like a hour of something fun to look at. Also while at that beach I body surfed for the first time! It was fun until I hit a rock, 3 times! I hurt my thigh, knee and ankle. Another thing... there was algae or something green and it kept getting on my feet and it freaked me out and once when I freaked out I twisted my ankle. It hurt. Then we went to Lahiana again but today not for shopping! We went on a submarine ride today! It was SO fun plus there was a cute guy. The submarine was real and it went down to 133 feet below the top of the bottom the the surface of the water! It was like being in an aquarium but you were in the actual ocean! The cute guy was the kind of M.C. of the trip. His name was A.C. and he had blond hair but I dont know how long it was because it was pulled into his hat, it wasnt real short. He had the most beautiful eyes in the world, especially having the ocean as the background. Man was he cute. Another plus was that he was EXTREMELY funny. He told so many jokes but I am too tired to type all of them! Maybe someday if I can remember all the jokes. He was a little dorky though. Then there was a another cute guy on the submarine, the was the co-captain. There were two not so hot things about him though, his name was Levi. Anyway he had a girlfriend that was riding the sub with our group and he had shaved legs. It was just a little noticable, I'm not saying that its bad or anything but its not something that I see everyday. Well I think thats it for now. Today was definately a hot guy day and that makes me happy! Well Im sorry that there are two posts within like an hour of wach other but the shopping one I wrote this morning and when I went to post it, it got deleted, luckily I sent the post to myself so I didnt have to type it all over again but I did have to wait a while to try to post it again. So anyway I think I'm done for the night. I'll write again tomorrow when we get home from the snorkeling trip. Til next time......

Shopping!

So you that know me probably dont know that I am a true shopaholic! Well usually only when I'm on vacation. See yesterday we went to Lahiana (pronounced la hyena)hoping that we would be able to go on a subamrine tour. The best way to look at those things that live underwater without being able to actually touch them. Yes we get to o in a real submarine for this! But when we got to the pier we found out that they were all booked up for the day, darn. So we made a reservation for today and then we went and made a reservation for a dolphin watching/snorkeling trip fo tomorrow. After that was all done we went shopping. My poor parents! Lahiana is like the BEST place to shop in this island and believe me we have been ALL over the island. So we shopped for 2 1/2- 3 hours! We didnt buy very much, but we looked at a bunch of things. For some reason I find myself wanting a dress and those of you who know me know that I dont wear dresses very much. During and close to the end of our shopping we ate at the Hard Rock Cafe, a first for me! After shopping we went to go looking for a good beach, most of the beaches around here are rocky and they hurt. So close to the cottage where we are staying we found a nice enough beach and started swimming, well my parents started swimming. See there was seaweed chunks or something like seaweed chunks floating on the water and they wrapped around my feet and freaked me out! And my parents said that it was kind of rocky so I never did go all the way in, but I did see several cute boys!!
Also I wanted to share with everyone that I have a TAN!! Ive never had tan lines before and now I have them on my feet.
So as for today we are going to find a good beach and go swimming and then we are going to go on the submarine! And then we are going to come home. See tomorrows snorkeling/dolphin seeing trip starts at 7:30 and we have to be there at 6:45 ehich means we have to leave our cottage at like 5 AM! So we need our rest! But I will post when we get back, but probably not before we go unless I post later today! Well thats it for now, til next time.....
Jessie

Hana Highway

There is this road in Maui that is supposed to be just beautiful. It is called the Hana Highway. It is about 60 miles long and it takes about 2-3 hours to get from the start to the finish. That is what we did yesterday. It was a beautiful road. All the bridges on the Hana Highway were one lane bridges and at some points the road was only one lane so thats part of why it takes so long to drive. That and there are several places to look at beacuse they are just so pretty. But I have got to say that the best thing of the Hana Highway was that there were several cute boys that were being dragged on it by their parents or the adults that were with them. I saw two or three in particular! BUT anyway the road is the whole point of the trip. Once you get to Hana, theres just about nothing. Its pretty sad actually. And because we didnt start out with a full tank of gas we had to get some in Hana and it was, wait for it, $4.29 per gallon for the regular!! Talk about high gas prices and you all think that we are suffering at home, you should live in Hawaii... normal gas prices around here are $3.62 per gallon. Anyway another fun part of yesterday was a black pebble beach. It wasnt quite sand but give it some more time and it will be. There were several warning signs for this beach: Warning, Man Of War: stings han hurt badly; Warning, Jellyfish: stings can hurt badly; Warning, Rough Shore Break; Warning, Strong current. And there was another one but I cant remember it. And for those of you who know me, I am a small chicken! I was scared of going into the water, so scared that I didnt change into my bathing suit. But after watching people and not hearing them scream I decided to go in but I didnt want to change into my bathing suit so I went in with jean shorts and a t-shirt. I have got to admit that it was pretty fun. Thats all we did yesterday, it was our longest day so far, we got home at like 5:30. So til next time.....
Jessie

The Beach

For the first time on this vacation we went to the beach yesterday. It was fun and we got a couple of big waves. I got slammed down on the sand underwater pretty hard but at lest my sinuses got cleaned! Thats pretty much all that we did yesterday. We were home by 2 and spent the rest of the day lollygagging, watching tv and I read 2 books! I just have to start on my required books for my AP english class.. Uggg... I think that today we are going to make the 2 hour, 50 mile trip to Hana. Its supposed to be a beautiful drive. But two hours to go 50 miles?! That probably wont be too terribly fun. Well thats it for now, til next time...
Jessie

Day 2 of the long awaited vacation

So I know I'm writing this on Sunday rather than Saturday but it counts. On Friday I forgot to share what I bought my nephew as a gift from the islands. I bought him the cutest little boy Hawaiian outfit. See his parent have matching Hawaiian outfits and my parents and I thought it would be nice to get Jordan something with the same design. So we searched and searched and searched and finally at Wal-mart found an outfit, the smallest we found was a 18 mos. and he will have to grow into that because he is only 8 mos, I think. Okay now for yesterdays adventure:
We decided that yesterday we wanted to go to the crater of the dormant volcano. That was fun, now this island is only about 25 miles wide by 50 miles long but because its so mountainous it takes a long time to get anywhere, unless you happen to be travelling on the flat part of the island. Anyway so we went to the crater. As we are driving up the mountain we see several signs that say there are loose cattle and they could be walking on the road. We didnt see any cows, which is a shame. But we did go through several clouds on the way to the top of the mountain. That was fun. WE went through cloud after cloud. You can laugh at me all you want but it has always been something that I've wanted to do: touching a cloud and for me fog doesnt count plus I've never gotten out of my car when its been foggy or walked through a fog cloud. So touching the cloud that we drove through was very fun for me. After the crater we kind of got tired, it was 3 pm here but 9 pm at home and we are still a bit jet lagged. So we came home and watched TV for a while and thats all we did yesterday.
I think today we are going to go to the beach. Maybe. We are not sure yet.
But til next time.....
Jessie

Finally on Vacation

Hey there to all of those who know me and who want to keep up with my travels. So the first part is of the actual travelling, you know, airports and stuff. Everything was fine on the airplanes and in te airports until we met a family who had two very loud young children plus one on the way. The kids and family was cute in the LAX airport in Los Angeles but when they had to sit in front of us on the plane for six hours it wasnt so cute anymore. Especially since I was trying to go to sleep and the kids wouldnt stop yellling and singing and complaining about going "Bye Bye" for the ENTIRE plane ride. The family consisted of a VERY pretty and fasionable mother who looked about 6 months pregnant, a geeky looking father, a 4 year-old boy named Julian who got called Julie, and a two year-old girl named Ashley who was the loudest. Anyway when we finally got here it was 9 pm local time and about 3 in the morning back home in KY. So we were pooped to say the least and we all had large headaches from the loud family.
Now for today. We got up, well I got up at about 7:30 am local time and 1:30 pm KY time, that was nice. Then we went exploring, just to see the different stuff around the island. By the way those of you who dont know where I am on vacation, I'm on Maui, a island of Hawaii. So we found a road and went driving down it. Little did we know what we were about to hit. Our nice little road got much littler and windier. The road was open to both ways of traffic but only one car could be on the road at a time and there were cliffs on both side of the road. VERY SCARY! I cant even describe how scary this road was. But we took pictures, so those of you who know me can check those out when i get home! Anyway once we got to a town on the other side of the road we stopped there for about 2 hours and shopped! Well window shopped, but it was fun. Im sure we'll go back there sometime. And by that time it was only 3 pm here so we came back to our cute little cottage and have hung out here ever since. So I suppose thats about it for now... Ill try to write tomorrow and everyday that we are here. So til next time....
Jessie

Unappreciated

Lately I have felt unappreciated. So this post is just for me to vent. Today my grandma called me useless and that kind of stung. But what can I say, I dont like the things that she does. My mom is mad at me because I wouldnt take the recyclables to the recycling center. So I cant even talk to her. Im sad because my ACT socre came in and it didnt go anywhere. That is sad considering I need it to jump just one point so I can apply for a full ride to the college where I want to go. I dont really have anyone to tell this to because as much as I try to stay in touch with people I am pretty much just left alone. I am to much of a goody goody for the people that I used to hang out with, or at least I think thats why we dont hang out anymore. The people that I want to hang out with cant on the days that I can so its a mood point or is it moot point. Either way its that. Well I suppose I'll stop whining and actually go do something....til next time....
Jessie

What's in store for my future

I don't know how many people read this and really I don't care. Basically this blog is for me to vent on everyhting that happens in my life and most recently it was a dream that I don't really remember everything about the dream but I remember the jist of it. So here goes. I remember that I was married or I was about to be married and I remember being really happy. The main part of the dream was that it was a family outing, everyone was at the same place eating. It reminded me of the importance of family. But it also got me to thinking about the way I want to live my life and the person I want to live my life with, even though its someone that I haven't met yet. So I suppose that this is just a way for me to think aobut my dream and put it down on paper, so to speak. Thanks for reading. Til next time....
Jessie

Sunshine and Summertime

Hey everyone, hows your summer going? Mine is pretty boring at the moment, hopefully that will change as the summer progresses. Anyway new developments in my life are 1. I have to take the ACT tomorrow and 2. A friend of mine is leaving ths states for like 2 years. This friend is named Ibrahim, originally hes from Egypt, his mom has been friends with my mom for like 30 years. Anyway I first met Ibrahim when my mom and grandma and a friend of mine went to visit him in Maryland, near Washington D.C. well we became friends pretty fast. Later that year he and his family came to Kentucky to visit us and that was like 2 years ago. I havent seen him since but we have talked some. Anyway he called me yesterday to ask me for my email and to tell me that he was leaving for Israel early next week. It was good to hear from him and I hope we stay in contact. Well til next time.....
Jessie