Strange... Ride... Cry

Three song titles from 3 great artists. Reba, Martina and Faith. And I am going through some of what all these songs talk about.

I just want to cry, but I cant. Its not that I am trying to hold back the tears, but rather they just wont come. I want nothing more than to lock myself up and cry for 2 days, but somehow since I've told myself that crying is fine, that its ok, that its just what I need, the tears just wont come.

I may not be perfect, I think about him all the time, especially in the past 3 days, which have SUCKED, but I am strong- and I have got to follow through with what I said, not because I want to stick to my word, but because I know that I will be stronger if I do.

I feel as if I am trying to stop an addiction that I had. There is one habit/addiction that I do have, and I have never been able to give it up- even when trying and this not talking is much like stopping my habit. The first few days were fine, I felt as if I made the right decision, but then there was a bump in the road, and I just want to start all over, go right back to where we were- but I know that I cant, because I am just going through a little bit of withdrawl. I want to talk to you so much that I ache, but I have got to get through this, not just for myself, but also so I can be a role model for others. The world is bigger than just me and my feelings- and though I share my life openly with friends and family, part of it is so that they can see the strength that I hope that I have, that I believe that I have, and that they can find that strength in themselves.

Several weeks ago I wrote that I was at a crossroads and I had to wait for the storm to pass to decide which road I was going to take. Well I think that the storm has passed, at least for now, and I will take a path that runs just parallel to the road that I was on. New paths are scary and I am not ready for that just yet, I guess. But I cant be on that same road I WAS on, because some little things have changed. And I dont dare walk on that path that I came from, because that would be counterproductive.

The bottom line today- is that sure I want to talk to him, but I wont because I have the determination, the willpower to stick to a decision that I made last week and I believe that I am still a little too emotional to reverse that decision. So I know things will work out the way they are meant to, and I just have to live life, make decisions and like the woman that I become. :)