Barn Muckin

My first week home and I've found myself completely immersed in the country life, and loving it.
For years my mom wanted me to go outside and do outside things, and finally thats exactly what I want to do. I dont know what changed, but I am so thankful for the horses, the barn the muck and the country air, not to mention the wonderful night sky and beautiful sunsets, like the one that I'm looking at now.
Lately, I've been longing to be in the barn... not to be with the animals per say but thats a plus too. No, I've felt the longing of cleaning the barn, muckin out the stalls, gettin dirty... you know doing the thing that was used as a punishment for me growing up (or at least the threat of a punishment).
I cant tell you why I find myself down there getting dirty cleaning the stalls, but I'm finding it healing in some ways- though I cant tell you what I am healing from.
Its peaceful. I find that often in my life I just carried on without really doing much, and maybe thats just it, I am trying to be proactive. The stalls wont clean themselves, no, its not necessarily fun to be sweating like a pig in the middle of a KY summer day mucking out the barn, but the satisfaction that I am getting doing this, oh my goodness, its good for the soul.
Also, I've watched my dad face his ailments this week and it saddens me that he get sick and almost cant function, its not good, and I dont know if there is a way for it to change, but I know that I can do many things to keep from being debilitated by ailments. Part of it is attitude.
When dad had his heartattack he was told that he couldnt ever ride roller coasters and one of my favorite memories pre-heart attack was the joy that he got from riding roller coasters with my brother while we were in Florida. My other brother and I were scared of roller coasters and so we just watched them. So, when dad had his heart attack I realized that I would never see that particular joy from him. That I had lost my chance to share that joy with him, but it didnt mean that I had to loose that joy all together. I told myself that from then on out, I was going to ride roller coasters, that I would face that fear, because it was something that my dad could no longer do.
I think the barn muckin is along the same lines. I have legs, youth and just overall a body that works. Why wouldnt I use that body for the good of the family? Why have I wasted my body my whole life? Now, I know that is a little overkill that I havent exactly wasted my body for my whole life, but I understand now, sometimes doing something because you can is wonderful.
I think another aspect to the whole barn cleaning is that its physical, manual labor. I have decided, loosely decided, that people should spend at least 1 summer doing physical manual labor. Funny thing though is that I am too worried about what the outcome would be if I said this out loud... So I am creating my own physical manual outdoor labor. Taking it one day at a time, but I hope that by doing this my body firms up and that my soul grows.
I have realized that I have chosen a career that is NOT manual labor intensive, and suddenly that scares me. I dont want to be stuck at a desk for the rest of my life.

I guess the bottom line is that I have decided that mucking out stalls is in some ways my summer project, and so far, I think its therapeutic. Its getting me outside, doing actual labor and I am getting to spend time with the animals. Who knew that I was such a country girl after all? Or that it would take going to college in the city to bring out the country heart.