Seriously?

Ive spent the whole week being emotional. And then I spent the weekend being physically sick.
Not how I saw my week going when it started.
Nonetheless that is what happened.
I stayed in denial.
Then I did the whole sad depressed thing.
And no Im kind of moving on to anger.
I realize that I told G I didnt want to be dating, but damn it I did not mean that I wanted him out of my life.
And hes freakin ignoring me.
Really dude?
We spent 3 months building a friendship, less than 2 weeks of actual dating- we were never even facebook official and now you wont talk to me? What the hell?
Also, if you were really fond of me, you would want to still be in my life- be my friend, because I just needed to take a step back. I need you as my friend- really.
I would tell you all this, but I am TRYING to give you space. I know, I suck at giving you space, but Im stuck between giving you space and making sure that you know I still care.
I know its not easy to "go back to what we had" but I am hoping we can at least open a line of communication and talk again, see where/how that goes.
I hope you are still reading this blog.
And to everyone else having to read my angst... I am sorry. lol.

Ruined

I dont like having regrets but I would really like to go back to Wednesday and change what went down.
I reacted out of fear.
I realized it yesterday on my way to Lexington.
I have a fear of relationships- or rather kissing.
People kiss me and crap just goes downhill from there- its happened every time.
It sucks.
And I dont know if its MY reaction or the situations.
But I freak out.

I dont know if G will read this- not going to lie- I hope he does, because hes not answering me anymore. I get it. I dont deserve his answers. But I miss talking to him. In the last week I have lost 2 people who, between them I spent roughly 6 hours a day with.
Not feeling great, obviously.

I am emotionally and physically fucked up right now. Literally spilled my guts this morning. Not in a happy place.
I feel like I am wading my way through mud. The deep kind- mud up to my mid thighs.

UGH.

Goodnight.

Fall days

Cooler weather colored leaves and all that jazz.
But big major life decision time for me. Time to go back to school. To totally change my life. Why you ask? Because I dont want to sit at a desk crunching numbers for the rest of my life. I want to change lives, I want to heal things and I want to be a vet.

Remember that guy I wrote about, the one I referred to as G? Ok, so I talked to him on facebook, imessage and texting for about 3 months and then finally thanks to reading this blog he decides that hanging out could be a good thing. We have 3 dates in 3 days. Then over the next week and a half another 2 dates. This guy in so many ways is perfect- you think I'm kidding but every piece of his personality is everything that I've ever wanted in a guy that I may be dating. Hes considerate, supportive, and yet gives me space. And yet last night I "broke up" with him, I use the quotes because we were never official about anything, it was some pretty casual dating. So I just talked about how perfect he was and then about how I broke up with him- I know, that doesnt seem right does it? So to answer your unasked question, I dont really know what went wrong. But it was definitely something in me. Let me try to explain. First guy that I've actually dated- if you read anything about J you know we never really dated- and within 2 weeks I "give up"? I think I had expectations and I didnt live up to them. HE DID. HE was perfect, HE was amazing, HE gave me space when I pulled away. I was the jerk. I was the idiot. And you might think, if Im beating myself up so much, why did I say "Adios"? Because at this moment in my life it didnt feel right- I didnt feel right. And while I feel like that happened was right, I still feel like a big ol' asshole. Worlds biggest jerk, right here. I know we didnt date that long but he treated me so well and then I went and caused him pain. Im a people PLEASER not a people PAIN CAUSER. Ugh. So G, if you are still reading this- you were awesome, amazing, sweet, funny, caring and I could go on and on, but that might not be the best idea. And since I've done everything so cliche up to this point, Ill continue on that path: I really do hope that we can still be friends and hang out and go to the movies and go bowling and all that jazz, because I dont want you out of my life, I just am not in a place to be dating right now. Ugh- that sounds so fake- but I promise its not!

In other news, my twinkie, my soulmate, my Sdot went to France on Tuesday, and I've been downright lost without her. Its crazy, Im literally sitting here crying because she sent me a message tonight and I havent gotten to really talk to her all that much since she left. I mean I know shes off doing something awesome and shes going to have a great adventure but I miss her SOO much. We literally saw each other very nearly every day for the last 3 months and now shes gone for 7 months.
I want to post this, but I'll write more about sdot being gone later- hopefully before the weekend is up.
Missing my friend, G too.
Sigh

Happy Girl

That is all.

Another year in the books.

So, if you are a new reader, or an old one, you will notice that every year I post something on the anniversary of my grandmas death. Weird, maybe, but it is a day that I consciously reflect on the past year and write about it. See, its not near a holiday so there isnt any pressure. Its my day to think about the things that I deem important and theres something liberating about that.

Today seems somewhat different. Maybe its because its the 5 year anniversary of her death? Or maybe Im just getting older and the day is less of a knife wound and more of a bruise. That being said, I miss my grandma very much, she was an amazing woman. Every year I think about how I am living out her legacy, and whether or not she would be proud of me. A "what did I do this year that makes me worthy of praise" kind of reflection.
Ok, so I know that living ones life so that some dead person will be proud of them is just weird and sometimes counter productive. But I dont live just so she will be proud of me, I live a life that I hope she would enjoy, I want to live a life where I could tell my grandma every detail- ok, so that might be odd, but I guess the bottom line is that I want a life that isnt scandalous. Hah.

This year's anniversary is particularly hard but I think that she would enjoy my story, my journey, and for that, I look forward to what the next year holds.

Ways of Change, Change of Ways

High school - yep, high school- it was tolerable for me, nothing special. I played soccer, or started the season playing soccer my freshman year- that didnt last, but sophomore year I did play the whole season. I went to football games and basketball games. I made good grades, but I was always just ready to leave, move on. My popularity wasnt going to peak in high school, and I knew it.
I left high school figuring that I wouldnt ever really look back... and yet, Im looking back. There are things that I didnt really pay attention to that I am kind of seeing in a new light. No, I'm not going back and reliving the whole experience, but I am getting glances into moments that just make me pause for a moment.

Obviously, I've been talking to someone I knew in high school- albeit I didnt know them that well, but it has been so much fun. Sleep has become something that I push back... midnight on work nights, and even later on weekends- why sleep when I can be laughing my butt off at something ridiculous?!

And to add to the blast from the past there is a person - s dot- who I've known for something like 15 years- wow, I dont think I realized I had known her that long but just the past couple of months we've become really close. Its funny really how our friendship evolved. We met in girl scouts, and really didnt have much to do with one another other than the fact that our parents were co-leaders. Then scouts was over and eh, we just werent really friends. Later, she was looking at colleges and came to visit me at Transy and we got along pretty well. She didnt go to Transy, but we saw each other a couple of times over the years and then we made plans like movies. But this summer, and I cant even remember when - crazy, right?!- but we decided to workout together and we've talked every day and seen each other almost every day. Its kind of really nice to have a good friend that is close and who I can see almost every day. And we really are working out- exercising, ya know? Zumba, and walking. I love it, who woulda thought.

There was a song that we sang in girl scouts "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, the other gold." Its cheesy, sure, but I am learning just how important it is to have the older friends in one's life. Maybe you share a lot of experiences with them and they will know about the infamous Timmy, or maybe you didnt know them that well before, but you are getting to know them better now. Its all a great journey. But then there are the people in my life from Transy- the "new" people, and they are just as important. They are witness to my Transy experience in a way that no one else will be.

At the end of the day its not about who I was, but who I am. Every little moment has shaped me, some more than others but each moment is like a cell and when they all come together you have me, this person. There are flaws- or mutations, if you will. But because of them I am uniquely me- something that no one else can be and for that, I am blessed.

I hope that you all feel just as blessed, grateful, amazing and unique!

Just had to share

Got to talk to "my guy".
And while it was exciting and what I had been waiting for ALL day, what made it better was that we had a conversation about my night guard. I mean seriously? He thought it was "very cool", seriously?
I mean he gets lots of kudo points for that comment, but to be that interested in my night guard?
I dont get it.
I mean Im flattered.
And I think its hilarious.
Partially because I've never had to describe my night guard before.

Waiting room

Tomorrow, I mean later today, my mom has knee surgery. Its the same knee surgery that my dad had last year and my grandma had before that... an no I dont THINK its genetic, but if it is, then I am up a creek with no paddle.
Anyway, tomorrow is another trip to the hospital. Another time to wait. To watch the morning news shows and to be the stability for the parent who ISNT under the knife.
Thats what I pride myself in being- my parents' rock. Whenever we have to go to the hospital for whatever reason- a heart issue, a knee surgery, a uterine surgery, the birth of children, grandma has fallen, I do my best to be the rock. Thats not saying that I dont need support from others, because honestly sometimes it would be really nice, however, my role in this family is to make sure everyone keeps it together- and that might be a self-appointed role.
There is one exception to that rule- when no one is around. If I am the only person at the hospital waiting for the news, then, then I fall completely apart.
Hospitals dont scare me, they dont make me nervous, they just dont have any negative effect on me at all.
To me a hospital is just another building.
I dont know why I'm so comfortable in a hospital- we didnt become familiar until I was 11. But my dad had his heart attack when I was eleven and over the last 12 years he's been in and out, at first it was heart attack scares, then it was the SVT, but dads last hospital trip was his knee surgery last year. Mom has been healthier, shes only had the uterine surgery May 2010 and then the knee surgery tomorrow. My dad's mom was in the hospital a few times in the year leading up to her death. As for me, I've never been in the hospital- maybe thats why we get along so well.
Anyway, moral of the story is that tomorrow is another hospital adventure.

Side note: Talked to a certain special person tonight, and I will be going to bed a happy person. :)

It's bedtime, but I dont wanna go to bed!

Theres a person in my life. I dont know if I mentioned him earlier in the summer or not, but basically we went to high school together and we've reconnected thanks to my sister in law posting a picture of me that also tagged his brother in law's brother.
Anyway long story short, we've been talking- a lot.
In fact Saturday night I stayed up talking to him til 5:30 in the morning. It was crazy, but it was so much fun. I cant stop smiling- seriously, its kind of obnoxious.

I know I am probably getting ahead of myself here, but I keep thinking of the guys in my life who meant something to me- you know, guys who had the potential of being more than just a friend. And the bottom line is that none, not a single one of those guys communicated with me as well as this one does. I send him a message and he answers seemingly as soon as he gets it. He apologizes for having to 'brb' when we are talking on fb- the brb though is so that he can go do his work. I mean, you dont have to apologize to do your work when you are at work and talking to me... although its very sweet. If we are talking on the iPads and he loses internet connection, he gets on fb to tell me that he lost connection on his iPad. And Friday night we watched a movie together- I watched it via Showtime on my tv and he netflix-ed it and synched up with me so that we could watch it together, I mean seriously? He didnt have to do that.

Now, I only have one problem. We've been chatting on fb and the iPads since mid June. I'm ready to see him, hang out with him. But its hard because he works 3rd shift and I work first. He works every other weekend and I dont work any weekends. And apparently he's super popular and has all kinds of plans on his off weekends so far. *sigh*. But I am not giving up! Also, kind of an interesting fact: we've not exchanged phone numbers. I mean technically we both have our numbers accessible by the other person but we've not actually exchanged numbers- which I find kind of cool, and kind of weird at the same time. I mean really, we are having this great friendship on fb but we dont text or anything?

And the only downside to our talking more and more, and really its only been since we talked until 5:30 am Sunday morning. But now I want to talk to him all the time! ALL THE TIME! Im trying to keep my cool, but its so, so very hard. I'll try to keep you updated.


Oh, in other news, my friend that I visited in DC in May called me Monday. A phone call, after pretty much no contact since I visited him! Hes starts basic training with the Army next Tuesday. I'm happy for him, a little annoyed at his communication skills, but happy for him and thankful that he called me to tell me the update- that counts for something right?
(Its not NEARLY as good as responding to me asap, even if its just a quick note because hes using his phone to get on fb)
I guess I shouldnt complain too much, and just take what I can get! lol :)

Goodnight friends.
Here's to hoping for more late nights! :)

User manual.

I spent some time with a friend today, just talking. She's someone I've known for years and while we werent close as kids we've gotten closer as we've gotten older.
Today we were talking guys. We both have problems. I have limited experience but she doesnt have any experience and so we lament together.
Today, my (new) guy was the subject. I've consciously not tried to talk to him since Wednesday because I was hoping he would send something to me, but on the other hand I dont want to leave him hanging and feeling like I dont want to talk to him. But then again I want him to want to talk to be because I freakin wanna talk to him! Ugh.
So what do I do?
I ask all my friends. But they all think I'm cute and sort of write me off. But there's no right answer, right? We are all different and we all have different experiences. We can look at someone's experiences and learn from them but that doesnt mean we will have similar experiences!
So then I ask myself what I want to do. I WANT to talk to him. But I want him to ask me for my number- apparently Im a little old fashioned. I want to hang out with him and see if we have any face-to-face chemistry. There are a lot of things that I want. But I told myself I wouldnt harass him over the weekend and if he wanted to talk to me he could, so I wont do anything til tomorrow, and hopefully tomorrow I will get to talk to him. And there are so many things I want to talk to him about that I dont know if he will get any work done! haha.
 And thats the other thing, I know when hes at work and will talk to me but what about when hes not at work- does he ever think about talking to me? I know, I know, Im over thinking it, but thats who I am. :)
So now, 2 quotes that I have running on a loop in my head are:


Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind



We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.

Therefore, Im working on saying what I feel and finding my mutual weird person! :)

Gee, I wonder what will happen next...

So, I think last time I wrote I mentioned G.
Well, G and I have been talking more and more.
He surprises me every time we talk, and is almost always teaching me something new.
I havent laid eyes on this guy in 6 years.
But he makes me laugh.
Yep, I have a crush.
And we will tentatively be hanging out in August.
Thats right, folks, I asked him to partake in a social activity with me. Aren't you proud?
Whats better is that he said yes.
Ive not been able to stop smiling for 2 whole days.

Also, here is one of my pieces of our conversations:
Me: How do you feel about bowling?
Him: Its racist and homophobic.

I about died from laughter when I read that.
I hope laugh at that, because if you dont, I think you might have problems. :)

Anyway, that's all I've got tonight.

Happy dreams, ya'll.

Something Different

Its not really old school, but its definitely something I dont think I've done before.

I told you about talking to G, but heres the thing, we only talk on fb. I dont have his cell phone number- so no phone calls, and no texting. We've emailed a couple of things- which seems super old school, hah. And we havent seen each other in years. 

And yet the conversations that we have arent special, they are really just 2 friends catching up and chatting, and yet they make me laugh and laugh. I love laughing. 

On the one hand I want to talk to him daily- all the freakin time, text him, talk to him on the phone- and im not a phone person, or even get to see him and spend time with him. But then, on the other hand I love our current conversations, talking to him now and then, sort of randomly. 

Its better than the nothing that I am getting from the other one. 

And until just this very minute I hadnt thought about J since I started talking to G. 

Its funny how much life can change in a year. 

This year has been full of good changes and I look forward to whats next, hoping that its just as exciting. 

Hey, theres the potential that in the next year I will have moved out or, shock, maybe be in a real relationship. Ok, ok, so I am getting a little ahead of myself, but the world is full of possibilities, y'all! You never know who you are gonna meet, or reconnect with! 

Enjoy your day, because tomorrow its a different day, and there will be different reasons to be happy. 

Next!!

So, last month I was all hung up on this kid, the one in DC. But I havent heard from him- not really- since I visited him and while I know he is communicationally challenged how hard is it to say hi on facebook, really?

I randomly went on a canoe trip with my brother, his wife and several of their friends including one of C's best friends from high school, DP. Well we were both tagged in one of my sister in laws pics and then one of MY friends from high school asked DP how he knew me. DP told G and then since I was tagged I sent G a message too telling him how I knew DP. And then G and I started talking, and talked for an hour, at least. And ever since then- its been 2 weeks now, we've randomly talked. My god this guy makes me laugh. Hes charming, says cute things, sweet things- at least I think they are sweet. And he seems to be really interested in whats going on in my life. Whenever I ask a question about him he answers but then turns the subject to me. He has not once not responded to me and whenever he has to go actually work- because we usually talk while hes at work, he apologizes and tells me he will brb. Then every time we are signing off he say "tty soon?" its like he doesnt take it for granted that we will talk again, its endearing.
Talking to him makes me happy. That is all.

Alaska is done

And I didnt finish blogging on this blog, but you can check out the rest of the trip on my other blog- thats right, I have 2 blogs, really I have 3 but anyway, the rest of the trip is over there.
http://adventures-threesixnine.blogspot.com/

Bear necessities!

This morning started early, especially since I stayed up late talking to friends last night. Shew, that wake up call was NOT welcome, but it happened, and I woke up and off we went.
Yesterday we signed up for an 8 hour wildlife viewing tour through the Denali National Park.
So we get to Denali and we are the last group on the bus, but our bus driver, John Miller is WONDERFUL. I mean within 2 minutes of us being on the bus we are laughing. But the day is a dreary rainy foggy cold pretty icky day. Sigh.
Regardless, off we go. The first animal we come across is a snowshoe hare, not to be confused with a rabbit, apparently the difference is that a rabbit cannot change color whereas the hare does. The hare is white in the winter and brown now. And I know this makes sense but I still found it amusing: their feet are HUGE in comparison to the rest of their body. Yea, thats the one thing that I picked up about the hare.
Further into the park we go, John is giving us all kinds of info, the history of the park, the geology of Alaska, the history of the animals, the rivers and the mountains and while that might sound boring, he was a very good storyteller so it was fascinating.
But the miles came and went and there were few sightings of wildlife. We did see 2 caribou from afar, really really afar. And someone asked the difference between caribou and reindeer and the answer is that genetically there is no difference, but reindeer are shorter. We dont want reindeer to crossbreed with the wild caribou though because it would make them shorter and less likely to do well in the winter. The remaining question though is would a reindeer/caribou cross be a carideer or a rainbou? :)
We saw some mountain sheep, just chillin on the top of a mountain checkin us out, chewin their cud- it was amusing but again, not all that exciting. We want to see bears and moose!
We keep driving, further and further and further into the park. The road is now a 1.5 lane rock road and we are on an upgraded school bus- and there are steep cliffs and other upgraded school buses, coming the opposite direction! But our guide is not only a very good guide hes a very good driver and we all stay safe!!
So probably a mile before we get to the turnaround place we come across a momma bear and her 2 springers... that means the cubs that she had with her were born this past January. Bear mommas take care of their cubs for 3-4 years. And this big ol momma grizzly was just chillin on a hillside, eatin some plants. The cubs were kind of checkin things out and playing- but they were all totally ignoring the buses that were lining up to watch them. Momma grizzly then decided to cross the road- RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR BUS! So cool! We took this opportunity to go do our turnaround and then come back where we got to spend more time watching the momma and babies. Let me tell you, I am so glad I got to see a WILD grizzly bear in person, what an experience, amazing!
And then on our way back we saw a couple of moose! Experience complete. What a freakin awesome tour.
The unexpected gem of the tour was that there was no cell phone coverage- we were in the wilderness! Even though I told a new, old friend that I would be by my phone all day if he wanted to message me- and I was by my phone all day but I couldnt have gotten anything if I wanted to, it was cool not to hear the binging of cellular devices throughout the tour. I dont know if that sentence makes sense, but Im gonna leave it like that and hope that if you are reading it you are smart enough to understand what I mean! :)
But, wait for it, our day is not yet complete!
Once we get some hot chocolate and back to our car we decide to check out the sled dogs that the park has- they have puppies too!! We got to pet the dogs and then got a demonstration that talked about the history and the current status of sled dogs- it was pretty good, even if I did get yelled at for crossing the rope to try and pet the dogs- I am a dog person, I want to pet them!! And they werent clear in the directions that one shouldnt cross the rope!! But in all honesty- sometimes I just have to break a rule! haha. :)
After we saw the dogs mom and grandma went to look at the science center while dad and I stayed in the car- mom and grandma got lost, surprise surprise, but eventually they found us and off to dinner and shopping we went!
Dinner was Subway- gotta love Subway! And shopping was touristy! I have a weakness for touristy shopping! :) So I bought some bear socks and a bear t-shirt. This is in addition to the zip-up fleece that I got yesterday for $9... thats right a zip-up fleece jacket for $9, can you say a steal?! :)
Mom and grandma kind of ran out of steam while we were shopping, so we headed back to the hotel room.
As I have been writing this post, the sun came out, its quite magical, considering we havent seen the sun the whole time we have been in Alaska... its been cloudy the whole time with some pretty rainy moments. Amazing that its 9pm right now and the sun is out as if it was a 5pm at home. Its just beautiful.
Alas, my day is coming to an end and I've got nothing more to talk about, so I will give you a sentence or two on what we will be doing tomorrow. We are gonna head back towards Anchorage tomorrow and then Homer the next day. I think we will be staying 2 night in Homer then back to Anchorage so that we can head home.

Goodnight friends. :)

Wassup Denial.... I mean Wasilla Denali!

6 people read my last post, which means I have to deliver tonight.

Today we started out heading to the Anchorage Botanical Gardens. First thing we see is "Be bear aware" and the other things we see are mosquitoes... large deadly scary mosquitoes. So while dad and I are being bear aware and slapping ourselves silly, mom and grandma are looking at the pretty plants. Dad dodges the majority of the mosquitoes by putting up his hood while I apparently attract them, by the hundreds with my hair. And while slapping at a mosquito I missed and scratched the area by my left eye, so much that it looks like I was scratched by an animal- yep, I drew my own blood, which probably didnt help my mosquito problem. Ok, so mosquito adventure done.
Next we head towards the highway and up to Wasilla. In case you live under a rock, a very large rock, thats where Sarah Palin lives. I googled her address in time to look up and say "Thats the road off of which she lives." as we drove by, and that was that. Next we stopped at a Subway for lunch in a town called Talkeetna. They also had showers in the gas station in that little town- something that I have never seen before in my life!
Ok, so I pee while at Subway, and then I pee at the gas station next door as we leave, but you know, less than 20 miles down the road and I have to pee again. There's only one problem with that: Talkeetna was the last town- and bathroom- for 95 miles. I have a sprinting bladder and it gets nervous when it knows it wont be able to be relieved for a long time... I do NOT have a marathon bladder. So here we go, 95 miles...and I have to pee for about 80 of those miles. There is gorgeous scenery passing by and all I can think about is oh my god, I have to pee. Someone says funny, I laugh and then regret it instantaneously. Anyway, here we are driving in the middle of beautiful Alaska and all I can think about is counting down the miles til we can get to a restroom. But heres where magic happens. We are driving and theres a sign for a trailhead but it also has the universal- or what I think is the universal sign for bathrooms, so I scream "BATHROOM" and my dad says "Do you want me to stop here" I said "YES!!" and had my door opened and was RUNNING down the path to the little outhouses before he had the car in park. Relief never felt so good.
So, after that little side trip we got back on the road, and finish the trip to Denali. Let me just say, the scenery here is breathtaking, absolutely beautiful. We got to Denali, checked the place out, got tickets for a big wilderness seeing adventure tomorrow, and then went to dinner. Oh, and I bought a bear bell, its a carabiner with a bell. I hate making noise, but Im willing to make noise if it means that I dont have to deal with a bear.
Back to the day, we did a little 15 mile drive through the park and saw some Caribou... which the reindeer are a subspecies of, btw. And then once we got out of the park we went to dinner, where we had to wait for a place to eat for over an hour, but it was delicious pizza! Thats where I made my grandma cry, not awesome by the way. But mom really pissed me off, making me feel worse about hurting grandmas feelings so I got up and left for a while to cool down. I felt horrible, about half an inch tall. Really, I didnt mean to hurt grandmas feelings, but apparently Im good at it, sigh. So I buck up, buy her an emory board- because she loves them and go apologize. Things seem to be fine now, I just gotta be patient and not so quick with my one liners.
After dinner we went shopping!! I love souvenir shopping! I love it more when I can get a fleece zip-up thingy for 10 bucks! YES!! But I also dont like to dawdle, so we did our shopping and then came back to the hotel, which has a river running right outside of the cabins, which is beautiful, and by this time its 9:30ish and mom and grandma get situated and fall right asleep. Dad and I again are the ones up but since it is now 11 here- no it didnt take me an hour and a half to write this and if it did, I blame it on being distracted by talking to friends on FB- I need sleep, we have to be back up at the National Park by 7:30 in the morning... eek!
Goodnight friends!

Alaska

So, here I am, in Alaska. I may not have visited all of the lower 48 states but I have now visited both Hawaii and Alaska.
The trip up was fairly uneventful.  While going through security in Lou I pulled a sticker off the back of some foreign (cute) guy's shirt. It was funny trying to explain what I was doing- gotta love language barriers. The Lou to Minneapolis flight was nice and then we were in an old plane for Minneapolis to Anchorage. There were lots of babies too, but thankfully there was no more than about 5 minutes of crying the whole flight- magical.
We got in and got our stuff, called the hotel for a shuttle and made it to our hotel around 1:30 am Alaska time- which is 4 hours earlier than home time. And the coolest thing was that the outside light was similar to that of dusk at home- thats right dusk at 1:30 am. Welcome to the summer in Alaska!
We were all exhausted though, so bed was of the first order. I popped in my night guard- attractive, I know, and my newly purchased ear plugs and I was blissfully unaware of anything until about 8 am. I am only wondering why I never invested in the ear plugs before- especially with my dads snoring and my grandmas rustling.
This morning we woke up and got our rental car. The rental car guy was an attractive black guy named Matthew who had a very large championship ring- thats how I knew his name was Matthew btw, not from a name tag but from his ring! Apparently he played football for the University of Washington and got the ring when they beat Nebraska for some championship- I love random people's cool stories!
After getting the car- a brown Hyundai Santa Fe, and checking the lost and found for mom's hat- she doesnt really remember where she lost it, we headed to brunch with our old neighbor. Well technically her parents are still neighbors but she moved to Alaska about 5 years ago and was actually headed to California today, so brunch was about the best visit we could manage! Anyway, it was good to see her, she is an amazing person and was like a sister to me in some ways growing up- a much older sister! And since she is honorary family, this is my not-so-shameful plug for her music, go look up Amy Lou Hettinger and listen to her CD, its amazing!
Somewhere between getting the car and getting brunch mom lost her credit card- are you counting? thats 2 things in 2 days- and so we retraced most of our steps looking for it, but no such luck, so we had to come back to the hotel to call the credit card company to cancel the card. Me, well, Im pretty annoyed by now, really, why would you put your credit card in the same pocket as your phone which you are checking every 5 minutes? Maybe I've just learned my lesson and mom hasnt yet. And grandma, oh goodness grandma is being helpful. So mom is losing things and grandma is being helpful, my annoyance level rises higher and higher. Oh, and while we are back at the hotel dad has gone to get drugs for his athletes foot. Never a dull moment!
So credit card canceled, with lots of extra help, and athletes foot treated we are on our way again. We head up to the Alaska Native Heritage Center- it was WONDERFUL! On our way there we saw 2 moose (!!!!!!) and as we walked in we were greeted by a dancing demonstration, then we walked around and learned about the various Native Alaskan tribes (?- I dont know if tribe is the technical term, but its what I am using) and along this path an Iditarod champion was set up, ok not just ANY champion the 2011 champion! And his dogs, and new PUPPIES! So we paid the outrageous price of 10 bucks per person for a 3 minute ride with 16 Iditarod dogs! And these dogs were happy to mush, amazing! We then met a native that was a great storyteller, someone we could have listened to for hours, but really, we were starting to fade.
Back to downtown Anchorage where we stopped at an Ulu factory that was near a stream where there are supposedly Salmon- we didnt see any Salmon. By this time its about 5 and we are hungry, so I directed the family to an "Old Alaskan Restaurant" where mom and grandma had halibut and salmon respectively and dad and I had a cheeseburger and a hamburger, respectively. They may have been burgers but neither dad nor I think that it was actually beef burgers, so I am claiming that it was a moose burger! hah.
After dinner we came back to the hotel room and have been vegging out. Mom and grandma have been asleep for hours now but dad and I are up and reading, although I think after this post I am headed to bed myself. Its now 9:30, which is a nice respectful time to go to bed, right?! Even if it looks like its the middle of the day outside still? I LOVE this daylight for something like 20 hours a day! Tomorrow we plan to hit the botanical gardens, Wasilla and make it all the way up to Denali!
Oh and in case you were wondering, I did get over my annoyance, in fact I got pretty giggly and amused as the day wore on- thank god!

Healthier

While in DC 2 weeks ago- insert comment about missing DC and bemoaning the fact that it has now been 2 weeks- I lost something like 7 pounds in the 4 days that we were there. It was something that blew me away, and inspired me. How did I lose so much weight you ask? We walked 11 miles on Friday and another 5+ on Saturday, according to my friends pedometer. But thats not all, on top of walking I ate foods that were not my norm, I didnt have many "junk" foods and I drank mostly water. Yep, that will make you lose weight.
But then I come home and get back into my normal routine, except man it would be REALLY nice to keep losing weight. SO I started exercising, biking, walking, mucking out the barn. I put on the 5 pounds I had lost and then I lost them again. (I know, I know, its not exactly healthy to be seesawing weight so much, but its only 5 pounds.)
Again, here we are 2 weeks later, and I am still inspired- though decidedly less inspired on rainy days. My weight still cant decide what it wants to be but its not that important. I've decided that I want to be active, happy and healthy- but I dont want to cut out all of my favorite foods. So I have been working really hard at moderation. Last week I did 3 miles worth of something- walking or biking but it was just not really what I wanted to do. Over the weekend I mucked out part of the barn, and thats all fine and good, but I dont want to do that during the week. And then I realized I missed running. Therefore this week, I have ran. I was always more of a sprinter and less of a distance runner but maybe I can train myself to run further- farther?... Anyway, Monday I ran to my old bus stop- a half mile away from the house. I ran the whole way, I was flabbergasted that I could, much less that I did. And then I was ecstatic. Then Tuesday I just wasnt feeling the whole running thing. Wednesday I ran to the bus stop again- and then I ran half way home too. Again, impressing myself. And today, I ran to the bus stop. Who knew I had the stamina for all that running?! But being a reasonable person, I dont want to push myself too injury so I think I may walk tomorrow. See, its all about moderation- even exercising in moderation, because if you push your body too hard you wont want to go out the next day, but if you dont push enough you might get bored.
Being healthy isnt just about exercising though, is it? Its a combination of exercising and providing your body with the right fuel. And if you know me at all, you know I love sodas, but sometime towards the end of lint I decided no sodas during the week, but I could have them during the weekend. And that worked, for a while. Now, though, I am allowed a soda occasionally. It can be during the week- like Wednesday, I was really craving a Dr. Pepper from McDonalds, so I got one. When I gave up sodas I started drinking a lot of sweet tea- a lot. Well, thats not exactly MUCH better than sodas. So now, my general rule is to drink water over the course of the day and have something different with lunch- so tea or soda or whatever and yes I am allowed to cheat occasionally. I am even starting to enjoy the tastelessness that is water- who would have ever thought?! That explains my drinking habits but not my eating habits.
Food= fuel. But not all food is GOOD fuel. No, I am not perfect, I ate a milky way as I walked out the door for my run yesterday, but I am getting better. Breakfast- I eat cereal. I get bored with sticking to the same cereal all the time though, so I switch up the cereals as I go along and I am allowed any cereal. Lunch- I try to eat fairly healthy, but sometimes I splurge. Like today, I went to Mr. Gatti's and had some ridiculous amount of pizza and it was SO FREAKIN good. And then for dinner I had a pear and a greek yogurt. So you see, I have small-ish breakfasts and dinners and then lunch is kind of whatever.
Is it working? I dont know yet, I figure really, it ought to be a gradual weight loss.
Will I stick to this plan like a dairy farmer milks his cows? Hell no. I am human, I want to be healthy, but sometimes not being healthy is so freakin fun. I am not going to have my life run by my goal weight and how far away I am- that ISNT healthy. I am however, hoping that little changes can become habits and that overall I will be a healthier person because of those little changes.

Summer Sundays.

Last night I slept with the tv on... I turned on one of my favorite chick flicks and then fell asleep in the middle of it and so accidentally slept with the tv on... and then this morning I was super nostalgic.
I woke up this beautiful Sunday morning and it made me want to go visit my grandma- my dad's mom. And then I realized that she's dead, and has been for almost 5 years now. So then I remembered visiting her on beautiful Sunday's like today. I remembered visits from when I was a kid and my brothers still lived at home- I would fall asleep in the back of the car and then because they didnt want me sleeping on their shoulder they would play ping pong with my head- eventually I learned how to sleep with my head straight back against the car seat.
I remembered visits where we played cards, when we got Wendy's to eat on the way to her house, the drive, the happiness that I associate with her and her house. I remembered times where she played cards with me, times when she watched me and my brothers and we had Red Baron personal pizzas. I remembered drinking root beer at her house and how her fridge always had sodas and Breyer's yogurt.
And then I remembered the last time I went to her house: It was a beautiful Sunday in August. But we couldnt get ahold of her on the phone and when we got there she didnt come to the door. She had fallen wasnt able to pull herself up and her phones were all up high. I had to call 911 and then we followed the ambulance to the hospital. She lived another year after that, and there are days, like today, where I miss her so very much, but mostly I think of her looking down on me, and I hope, desperately hope that she is proud of the person I am and the paths that I have chosen.

Then after I had all this nostalgia, we get the phone call that my other grandma, my mom's mom has been in a wreck. She was fine- thank goodness, but her car burst into flames and was totaled.
So today was very interesting, but at the end of the day, I am thankful to have gotten 18 years with my dad's mom and more with my other grandma. I probably dont tell her enough, but I love her and she is one absolutely amazing woman. Hopefully I get several more years with her, and if I am really lucky my kids will get to meet her. And maybe, just maybe it was Grandma C watching over Grandma A today.

May Splurge

May was a whole month of splurging for me. I called it the month you may splurge. :)
Now, I didnt go CRAZY and like buy a new car or house or anything like that but anything that I found in my day to day life that I wanted, I bought.
I bought plane tickets to DC, new luggage FOR DC, a new tea maker, some clothes, some shoes, some music... you get the point.
Well, the interesting thing that came about my little experiment was that though I was buying pretty much everything my little heart desired, I was still living within my means. Now, normally a put a nice chunk of my paycheck into savings and I didnt do that in May, nope didnt put a single cent into savings but I also didnt run up a big credit card bill.
I find this interesting and exciting.
Now, May Splurge is over and its time to go back to saving my money, because at some point I want to move out of my parents house... and I want to have a pretty nice penny saved up! :)