Post Grad Transitions

Some people have it all figured out.
Some people make it seem effortless.
Some people are just freakin blessed.
I am not one of those people- not in this way anyway.
I am blessed in many ways...
But, here I am, the night that I should have moved back to school...
Or, so it seems.
But, I graduated, so I cant move back in.
There is no furthering of my further education- at least not at that institution.
And to think that I was so homesick that I came home every weekend my freshman year- I wasted so many opportunities then. Le, sigh.
Oh well... here I am.
A Graduate.
Someone who should have all their ducks lined up.
Someone who should be a contributing part of society.
Oh my god. What am I doing wrong?
I sat on a couch most of the week last week, and the week before that, oh and before that.
True, that trend wont continue into this week- I have 2 days of work and 2 interviews and one very special date with the only guy who will spend entire days with me, and enjoy himself (almost) the whole time- we wont mention that hes 18 years my junior and my nephew.
Deep sigh.
And while I have moments like this exact one.
Most of the time, I feel incredibly blessed to NOT have a family breathing down my neck. I dont have student loans that I am going to have to repay. I dont have a significant other that will be impacted by my job decisions. I dont have little mouths that I am responsible for 24/7.
Me, I just have myself, my favorite dog in the whole world and 2 cats that, well, they are cats and they sometimes love me- though maybe not always.

This period of time in my life, sucks.
I dont have anything figured out and I am in this REALLY weird in-between stage.
But maybe this is exactly a stage that one must go through in life- you know something like learning how to walk, talk and do your multiplication tables.
Its not supposed to be easy, and if you rush into something that makes others think it is easy for you, then maybe you are the one that needs the help.
I look around at classmates college or high school, getting married or having babies... and yes, most of my college friends are getting married, while the high school friends are having babies.
And while I am just sitting here, no significant other that I would want to marry and no person with whom I could see myself having kids with.
No, I am more focused on having a secure future for myself, which will lead to a secure future for my (eventual) family.
I need a job, a house, and then a husband followed later by babies.
I want a 401(k) plan and good health insurance, dental and vision insurance too. And to be able to take off and do some of the world traveling that I havent yet gotten to do.

So, heres to knowing that this transition period sucks, but also knowing that there's a brighter future on the horizon... I've just gotta keep my head up! Besides, if I need a kid fix, I have 4 to choose from, and maybe someday, I can take them all out together- ooh! wouldnt that be exciting. Kids night with "Uncle Jess"!
Hmm... not a bad idea, not a bad idea at all... I'm gonna have to work on implementing that idea- of course its much cooler if I have a place of my own...