Smiling on me

I have spent the majority of the day thinking about my grandma.
Just in case you are unaware she passed 4 years ago on this day.
And I have also tried to come up with a way of phrasing my yearly memorial of/to her.
But I just cant figure out how to say what I want to say in a super coherent way, so bear with me as my fingers just punch out whatever I think.
I felt her smiling down on me today. I felt that though I feel as if I am in a dead spot in my life, shes watching me and shes proud of me. She often told me that she was proud of me before she died, but I didnt really feel like that could be possible, until she died. Then I knew that she was proud of me. I was and still am a good egg. I had graduated from high school (and now college) and I was never in any trouble.

But really the things that I have remembered most today are the people who became my family when she passed. On Sept 12, 2007 I lost the matriarch of my dad's family. The glue that really held us together, but her health had seriously declined in the year the preceded her death- so really, it was a blessing that it happened when it did. One fact that has always comforted me is that she got to see all of her grandkids hit the milestone of age 18. And she wont ever meet my kids, but I can definitely tell them about her. She was funny, kind, and very protective of me- especially when she felt my brothers were tormenting me too much.

Anyway, just like most people who were alive will never forget where they were on 9/11, I will also never forget the situation surrounding her death. I was 1 week into college, it was a Wednesday night. My mom had called me around 3 or 4 to tell me that while she had really declined before I left for school things were looking worse. Right around the time that I went to Lexington she got moved from the nursing home to the hospital. So with that phone call my mom prepared me for what might be happening. Then, right around 6pm my mom called again. I was in the cafeteria, at one of the long tables that ran parallel to the salad bar- over under the glass windows. The one where the Tri Delta's generally sit- or rather thats who I think sits at that table. Anyway, we were done with dinner and just chatting. I was there with Erika, Calli, Megan, Katrina, and maybe a few others, I dont exactly remember. I do know, however that when I told them, they all rallied around me. I remember they came back to my room with me and just sat, as I absorbed the news. I dont know if we talked much, or what really happened the rest of that night, but they were there for me, no questions asked. And I had only known these people for 10 days. Thursday I had my first real chem lab, I dropped a beaker- and then I told Dr. Seebach what had happened. He was an incredible source of comfort- which seems maybe a bit odd if you know Dr. S. And I left Transy that Thurs. for the weekend.
I talked to my roommate either on fb or by texting or maybe a phone call, and she told me that there was something on our door but she wouldnt tell me what. Once I got back to campus I found streamers, posters and a card showing support for me during this time.

But the story doesnt end there- no, in my first 6 months of college I lost 6 family members/ friends. It wasnt exactly the most fun transition in my life, but I realized that these new people in my life were going to be with me for a long time to come. So as I finish this post I want to say thanks to my Transy family, who really stuck with me when the going was tough for me- because we had literally just met, yet everyone was there for me, every time I had to deal with a death. The kind of funny thing is that I hadnt lost anyone I was close to before going to Transy, and in the past 4 years I have lost 10 or 11. I love you all, and I am so very grateful.