Promises

So I bought some Dove Caramal Milk Chocolate yesterday- half off thanks to it being the day after Valentine's Day. :) Anyway they are Dove Promises- the ones that have great little messages on the inside, and I really like some of hte messages, so I am going to share them here, on my blog.
Chocolate Always Lovs you Back.
Share a Sunset.
The Best Things in Life are Chocolate.
Make Someone Melt Today.
Listen with your heart.
Share a Secret.
Savor small romantic moments.
Be a little mysterious.
Linger over chocolate longer
Chocolate. Always your Valentine.
Sleep under the stars tonight.
Trust with your heart, not your head.
Believe in those you love.
Exercise your heart today.
Go where your heart takes you.
Hold hands firmly, hearts gently.
Remember your first crush.
Laugh until you heart overflows.

That song in my head

Its silly and I feel stupid, really. I mean its not even THAT worth it, hes just a boy, and Im just a girl and I shouldnt be so damn head over heels. He is taken, which makes it worse. I first saw him about a year ago and REALLY admired the way that he plays the game- he has a passion that I have NEVER seen before, and I have seen lots of displays of passion for the game. From there its just gotten worse. Not only is he a great player, but he also is a good student and majoring in the same thing as me. I even have a class with him this semester, which is awesome, well it would be if we talked at all. I am so freaking shy that its silly, almost comical even. I can now talk to him on facebook- GREAT, but talking to him in person still just doesnt happen, its not like I havent tried, I have even gotten up to walk over to where he was to say something, but words dont come out of my mouth, or he is talking on his phone- sometimes both. I need to find a better way to waste my time- but having said that, it doesnt happen, sure I study and thats good- and probably not a waste of my time, and I watch movies, and I watch basketball, and I hang out with my friends but still hes there in the back of my mind. SO FRUSTRATING. Why cant I fall for someone that I acutally have a chance with, someone who isnt taken- but perfect just the same? I guess because they are all taken. And how can I convince myself that I would do just fine if he was my friend? I mean lets be reasonable- thats all I am gonna be able to get out of this infactuation, but yet I still cant say real words to the boy.
I guess for now, I am allowed to get a high when he talks to me on facebook, and tells me that I am not nuts- fan is a better word! Or when he tells me that I am not bothering him with my question that I have about the homework. Yes, I guess for now I live for those moments.
Maybe I will find my REAL happy ending. Haha. :)

White Horse

(The title refers to Taylor Swift's new song, not an actual white horse)

So much runs through my head on a daily basis. Everything from clothes, to how my friends are doing- what struggles they might have on a given day (meaning tests and such), how my roomie is doing and what I can do to help her out- she has a broken wrist, what I need to get done in classes, how I can approach different situations, what will make me happy today, how Transy's basketball team is doing- and replays of certain games, to my family- what each individual in the family is doing and what I can do to make them happier- or at least feel supported. And then there are times throughout the day where my mind is just plain blank, maybe I am subconsciously thinking of many things but nothing is on the top of my mind. This happens quite a bit, its like I am thinking of everything and nothing all at the same time. Lastly there are the times where whatever I was just thinking of got totally erased from my brain- most recently this happens when a particular person makes eye contact with me, and its really frustrating. I want to have coherent thoughts, and even speak coherently- luckily I havent had to think much about my responses because said person (lets call him Clark) and I dont have many talking events. Oh well, thats a gist of what goes through my brain at a given time.

I am happier today than I have been in a while. I had a great time at home this past weekend, went to the circus for the first time ever in my life; I had a lot of family time- which was great. I love my family. I am even more worried about my neices now, and my brother. I think something is happening there, I dont think that my sister-in-law is around much, which isnt a good thing. You know, at least for me when you get married you want to be with someone that wants to spend time with you, and it doesnt have to be a lot of time, but I just dont see that with my brother. It seems that he is already a single father- but she just still lives there. I mean the girls have learned how to and actually do fix each others hair- sure thats fun for dress up time, but not to go out in public when the girls are 6 and 4 years old. Anyway, back to my being happier- I am not going to my sorority meeting tonight and I just want to JUMP for joy. I go in front of the standards board tomorrow to discuss my probation, and I think at the end of the semester I will go and ask for voluntary suspension- but one step at a time. And to top off my happy mood I heard from a friend that is halfway around the world- in Ethiopia. Its always nice to hear from him and his family, and I have gotten 2 emails in 2 months! Almost a record, haha. He isnt very good at the whole email/facebook thing. But its ok, because sporadic contact is MUCH better than no contact whatsoever.

There is one other thing that is contributing to the happy Jessie. Mom and I went and saw "Hes just not that into you" the other day and parts were dumb but the end message was virtually that everyone deserves to be happy, and sometimes being happy is just being able to be yourself- with or without a significant other. And then after that mom and I had a good discussion about love and such, and once we got home we pulled out moms old diaries which she is letting me read. They start when she was 10, then skip to when she turned 14 and are consecutive for about 10 years. Its really interesting reading what she had to say as a 11 and 14 year old (I havent gotten past those diaries yet) and how much I can relate to what she was feeling then, with what I feel now. No two people are the same, but it is nice to see similarities of our "obsessive" crushes so that I can see how she dealt with it, and maybe learn something from her- or rather her 14 year old self.

Lastly, to cover the title of this post. Taylor Swift's song White Horse talks about how life isnt a fairy tale and how she isnt a princess and ends basically by telling the "prince" that its too late for him and his white horse to save her now. Basically its a story about a girl who was waiting in prince charming, but he didnt show up in a timely manner, so she saved herself. I feel like I am getting to that point. I dont need a prince charming, I just need to believe in myself.

Love affair with Basketball

This is not a poem, but rather the story, or how I remember it of how I have come to my current love affair of the sport.

No matter what mood I am in, whether good or bad, happy or sad, basketball calms me down, brings me to a place where nothing else matters in that moment other than the game. The sound of the ball bouncing against the hardwood just penetrates my body and I get sucked into the game, or if its on TV, its the perfect backhground noise because it keeps me calm. And it isnt just the basketball hitting hardwood that is a good sound, I grew up with the noise of a basketball hitting all surfaces, the wall, the concrete, or just the floor, the sound the ball makes as someone catches a pass, or the sound of Chris' laughter as he tries to keep the ball away from Abbey. Its what I grew up with, what I know and its just soothing. For as long as I can remember I have been around the game, but I think my first memories come from when Jimmy and Chris were playing on the team called the Suns and Dad was their coach, I know this wasnt my first experience of basketball teams and indoor courts but thats the first memory. I remember basketball games between my parents and my brothers as the day was winding down during warm weather. I think those games happened maybe once a week. But SO funny, even my childish memory of the games was that everyone was having fun. I remember Chris getting hurt while playing a pick up game on our concrete court with his friend Joey. He sprained his ankle and because of my mom's work schedule with the doctor's schedule Chris and I spent a day or two in the basement of my kindergarden teacher's house watching TV. Then Chris and Jimmy were coaches for their brothers' team. This happened about the same time that I decided to try out ball for myself. They werent my official coaches though, but I did go to their practices so that I could learn more. So the 1 year that I played ball I had practice twice a week- Tuesdays and Fridays if I remember correctly and then I went to Jimmy and Chris' practices for their team on Wednesdays, I think. And of course I had my dad giving me pointers too. So I more or less had 4 coaches, and I was the tallest player on the team by like 8+ inches. We had a losing season and I was the leading scorer, but I didnt like having so many coaches, so I didnt sign up for another season. My next memories are of watching my brothers play with their friends on Thursday nights. And them playing in an adult league. Jimmy then started coaching for the middle school that I went to, he was just an assistant coach while I was there, but hes been head coach now for 5 or more years- I think. In high school I went to a catholic school freshman year, but I went to as many games for the public school (where I ended up) as I could. Even went to a tournament where both teams were playing, and ended up spending they day with my friends on the public school team. The coach even let me go with them on the bus to get food. Too bad I was supporting the catholic school, and not the public school. Even if I did get made fun of that day, it was a great way to spend time with some of the people that I can still call friends. Then Jimmy taught me how to do the official scorer's books for his middle school team. And I did that for 3 years. For extra practice I would do the books for his adult league as well, and had a good time with that. I like doing books better when I am not the official bookkeeper! But either way, its fun. So, during high school my basketball life consisted of me going to as many of my high school's games, as well as going to all of the games for the team that my brother coaches, and the games for the team that both brothers play for. I did books for the latter two, and was involved, though unofficially with the high school team, helping out during tournaments and such.
UK basketball has also always been a constant in my life. The first players that I really remember though are Keith Bogans and Gerald Fitch- I honestly loved those guys! HAHA. Keith was number 10 and Fitch 4. (Yup there goes my random number memory.) My family got season tickets to UK basketball when I was in high school (it was my idea to send all our names in for the lottery drawing), and my brothers split up the games between the three of us, and dad goes to ALMOST every game, there the occasional that he doesnt go to, but still. I got super obsessed with the UK program during high school.
Then comes college. I was really homesick my first year at Transy, going home every weekend and even sometimes during the week. And during basketball season, I got to see a fair amount of my brothers coaching outings as well as almost all of the games for the adult league, and then I discovered Transy's basketball team. I dont know what game was my first, but 1 was all it took and I was hooked. I went to as many of the rest of the games in the season that I could and I started counting down to the first game BEFORE we came back to Lexington from summer vacation. And I have been to all but 2 homes games, I missed 1 because I was out of the country and I missed the other because I couldnt get my plans set in time for the game. I even gave up my ticket to a UK game this year to go to a Transy game. I also started my own stats sheet, and I have been taking stats for the last 5-6 games. I keep track of field goals (missed and hit), 3 pointers, free throws, rebounds, assists, turnovers, blocks, steals, and fouls. I am not quite perfect at these yet, but I am getting better, and with helpful hints from basketball players/ my brother I am only going to get better! My next goal, is to keep a shot chart, something I havent ever attempted, we shall see. Jimmy says I cant do it all, but I can at least TRY it all! I may be crazy, but to me this is fun. :)

Self confidence

I think part of my problem in life is a lack of self-confidencs. Sure I get through life just fine but I am almost ALWAYS turning to people for direction, I still make my own decisions in the end but I really do depend on others, and after the past week I think I just dont have a true feeling of security/confidence in myself. I will start with the reasons that I think this statement is true, and then I might brainstorm some ways that this can be fixed. Here goes.
1. Yesterday, my brother was in Lexington so that we could go to a UK game together. I felt as if I talked way too much and annoyed him. Granted I talked mostly about basketball but I talked more about Transy's basketball than UK's basketball. And I tried to slow down, but I didnt feel as if it worked. So after he left, and had time to get home I apoligized for talking sooo much, and he said "I didnt think you talked too much, I am proud of you for all that you do, and especially your love of basketball." WOW was my intuition OFF. I mean GEEZ, I didnt annoy him one bit, no hes proud of me?! That was my wake-up call.
2. My mind keeps convincing me that the Transy basketball team would be weirded out by the fact that I do my own set of stats at every game that I attend. But last week after the game I talked to one of the players- after his mom introduced him to my roomie and myself, he has talked to us after every game, real sweet guy (name is Matt). Anyway he was talking how they always play a close game with Hanover, and I started talking about how in the first meeting of Hanover this year they lost by a last second (almost literally) foul and how the team made their 2 free throws and thats what messed us up last time. And then I apoligized for knowing and remembering the things about the game. He laughed and said "No, its fine. Its really cool that you are so dedicated." And that stuck with me, maybe they dont all think I am weird because I take stats. Maybe, just maybe they think its neat, how many fans, that arent related take stats, just for the heck of it? (I know some parents took stats for their kids, at least in high school. I honestly havent noticed if people do it for the Transy games, mostly because I sit FRONT ROW center!)
3. The last way I feel that I am more dependant that independant sometimes is because I am always asking for opinions about what I should do about things, granted I dont always listen to what the people say but I do feel as if I mmake my hard decisions with the help of my friends rather all on my own.
And now, for brainstorming- yay brainstorming.
I need to work at convincing myself that really, honestly, what I do is for me, and those who are weirded out by it wont talk to me but those who either think it is neat or dont care one way or another will still talk to me, and thats a GOOD thing. Its all about being yourself, and I have let loose since coming to Transy, letting people see the real me, but I still feel as if SOMETHING is being held back.
My intuition isnt always right, I mean look at how WRONG I was in reading my brother. Maybe its deep down that I feel that what I do SHOULD be weird so I perceive that it is weird where others think its neat.
And I think a big thing, is that I need to be smart about my decisions, sure its ok to get input from friends, but not for EVERY little decision. And things dont always have to be disected, meaning that every conversation that I have with the Saint, or anyone that Im attracted to doesnt need to be taken apart piece by piece. Sometimes its good to take things at face value and go with the flow.

I wrote the other day about what it would take to make me happy, and though I am still working on that, I did have a couple of happy days. We had a snow day and the ice/snow that made the snow day made me happy, even though I slipped and fell right on my butt and now have a pretty purple bruise. Wednesday we had NO classes, and I got to play in the snow/ice ALL day, with I couple of breaks to warm up. My knees are bruised from trying to run and slide, which turned into run and thwack! And snowball fights! One of my basketball player buddies came out and actually threw a snowball at me, it was funny, he was TOO far off but it made my day. Thursday was a good day too, the only thing that I had to do was my calculus test, which wasnt necessarily a fun thing, but it wasnt too terrible and Im definitely glad that it is over. And because of the weather the basketball game got moved from Wed. to Thursday, which for some reason really made me happy. And then after the basketball game got to talk to Matt a little and the Saint waved at me AND talked to me, it was thrilling, and I was on a high the rest of the night. Friday wasnt super exciting, but it was nice. My poor roomie hurt herself on Friday, falling and possibly breaking her wrist, and then she took her pain meds on an empty stomach, which made her high, and very HAPPY! And I got to talk to the Saint a little, its getting easier and easier, which is nice. We have little 5 minute conversations here and there, which is all it takes to keep me happy. LOL. Maybe we can be friends afterall, hopefully. Yesterday was nice because I got to see my brother. I cant even tell you how much I miss my family. Dont get me wrong I absolutely LOVE Transy and Lexington and think that this was the right decision for me, but that doesnt mean that its less hard for me to stay away for extended periods of time.
So I guess thats about it. Im learning to value my own judgement, not to take things so seriously and living one day at a time, for all its worth.

What will it take?

A "sister" asked me tonight "What would it take to make you happy?" my answer? I dont know. Honest. But I can tell you some things that would bring me out of the tetering depression that I currently have. Time away from the sorority. (We had another membership selection tonight and for the nth time in a row, I thought to myself, I really REALLY dont want to be here.) Knowing that my brothers and neices/nephews and the rest of my family was happy. Stressed, maybe, but happy with their overall lives, and I just dont know if that will happen for one of them. Gosh I hope it does because my family, and my brothers especially deserve the best. Spending some actual, quality time with my family would also be nice. The hard part about that is that I am in Lexington- and over my homesickness, and so I dont have the opportunities to see everyone that I had before, and thats hard. I miss my parents, my grandma's cooking and life advice, and watching my brothers play basketball, not to mention the laughs that I always get from hanging out with the little ones of the family. And animals- it is REALLY REALLY hard for someone like me, who has grown up with LOTS of animals ALL her life, its hard to be animal-less for any period of time. So seeing and being able to be with animals would be great.
For me its the little things that bring a smile to my face, thats the easy part, now I have to find a way to keep that smile on the inside as well as the outside.

Disappointment

No, I am not a disappointment, other than the occasional times that my parents tell me that they are disappointed in me I never feel like a disappointment. No, I am disappointed in sorority life. I wrote on this a little earlier in the school year but heres another round.
I like most of the people who are in my sorority, they are good people, and I am glad that I have gotten to know them. But as it is SO often pointed out, sorority life isnt just about the people. There are politics and judgements that happen that people may or may not know about. My "sisters" talk about the good things of ritual, and how they are "proud to be our sister" but I just cant get those warm-fuzzies. I am trying to understand, trying to stick with it but I dont have that much more in me. Sure, everyone is entitled to their own personal judgements, but I dont like the fact that a negative judgement from a select group of people can serve as "THE" judgement from the body as a whole. I just cant get on board with that.
I go to every required meeting, I do all the things necessary but I just cant get more involved, because this sorority is literally sucking the life out of me. We have meetings every Monday, and I am probably a bitch to anyone who comes around me leading up to the meetings, and then after just about every meeting I just want to cry.
I am not going to just give up, and play dead. No, I will stick with my decision of being a part of this sorority until April, mostly because I have paid my dues through April. But once April rolls around I will not harbor any hard feelings toward the organization, but rather we will just go our separate ways.

For all of those who read this that are torn in regards to sorority life, here is what I have to say: sororities are great social aspects of campus, whether its a big campus or a small campus, but if you have reservations going in, think about why you are concerned and maybe talk to others that are actually initiated members. Granted they may not want to answer your questions but dont take the "its just so great to have so many friends that I can call on at any time" aspect for a real answer, because the thruth of the matter is that those people may not always be there for you, and sometimes the hardest decisions in life, or the hardest falls that we face, are things that we have to get through as individuals. There are times in our lives that we have to take responsibility for who we are and what we stand for and we cannot let an organization mold us into something that we arent. All in all, its important to be an individual, its important to listen to what you brain and your heart has to say, and most of all its important to not get caught up in all the emotions of a moment to make a decision that may affect the rest of your life.

Feel Like Something is Missing.

Its not a bad thing, and its something I have talked about probably ad naudium (I think thats the right word) recently. I just feel like theres something missing in my life, yes my family is great, and so are my friends, and basketball comes close to filling the void but its still not enough. And yes I am shy AT FIRST, but get me talking and I wont shut up, I worry that some of my newfound basketball friends might get kind of "WHOA, I dont want to talk to you so much" occasionally but thus far they keep talking to me, or at least most of them do. The one that I want to talk to the most, almost like a desperation, its like pulling tooth and nail with him just to get him to say 1 word. Its so frustrating. On the other hand I am making fast friends with the other guys, and that warms my heart and soul! :) Still even if there is no future with me and the Saint it would at least be nice to be friends with him, I am beginning to wonder if he is also a shy person. I mean it kinda fits. Anyway, all I can do right now is just keep trying, I mean if he gets tired of it he can always tell me to shut up! But it means that he will have to talk to me.

Other than that I just have to keep on keeping on, and things will fall into place. My friend Victoria is starting an archery club here at school and is nominating me as vice president, which I find SO exciting! I havent gotten to shoot in a while and people on campus seem pretty up to the idea, most importantly my friends and some of the basketball players, which I find perfect, just perfect. :)

Ah, well then, another rant about my life is done!

Quiet Snowfall

Just looked out the window and theres some pretty snow out there, and its still coming down. I love the way that snow mutes everything else. My roomie has gone to spend the night with her mom at the Hyatt and Im enjoying the quiet but also I kinda feel lonely. I dont think I will be one to live by myself, I like human contact too much! Anyway, Ive talked to my mom and a friend and just had time to think about things in general.
I feel that if you have a mostly good life, you dont think about the things that are going well, no, at least for me I just keep picking up on the part of my life that dont seem just peachy. And the top thing on the list is the whole boyfriend issue, I feel as if I think about this and talk about this a lot. But its ok, I really am ok with being by myself, at least for now, because honestly do I have enough time for a guy in my life? I dont really think so, I mean I have 4 classes to keep up with and then there are the basketball games! haha. Ah, anyway this is just me saying that Im ready for it to happen, and when it happens Ill be happy. And until then I will focus on calculus! Anyway, goodnight and happy snow.

Emotional Roller Coaster

Maybe its just me, maybe I over analyze things, either choice is a good probability, but its part of my charm right?!
I felt on top of the world the other day, talked to a basketball players mom, and she indroduced us to him, and he was nice. And then saw another basketball player that I am already semi-friends with, talked to him, cool. Then had a conversation with another player on facebook chat, and apparently he had noticed my presence at the game, awesome! And then I had more than a 1 word conversation with the guy that is currently the most attractive person in the world to me, AMAZING! I was on a roll, even saw a bunch of them at Gattitown, it was neat to see them outside of school. Even had an awkward dance with that one that is the prettiest person in the world, lets call him The Saint. Yup, almost literally ran into him at the soda stand at Gattitown and we had one of those awkward trying to get out of each others way dances, for which we both apoligized. And I played about 30 minutes of basketball at Gattitown, I was on top of the world, getting over some of my fears.
I had a friend tell me that he didnt like to run from his fears, instead he liked to laugh at his fears and overcome them, and I am trying to incorporate that into my life. So far, its slow going, but at least it is going right?
Anyway, on top of the world, and today was somewhat the same, a friend wanted to work out before the game and so I was just gonna read some homework while she was working out, but then there happened to be a JV game and so of course, I watched that, and players from the team that we were playing came out to watch their JV team play, and they surrounded me, so instead of being awkward I had fun conversation with them. We joked around and it was fun. And I got to see some of our players just hanging out waiting for the game and such. Then it was game time, I got my favorite seats, half court line, FRONT row! The team did not disappoint, nope they beat the 23 nationally ranked NCAA division III team, I was pumped, although I dont think they were as pumped, maybe just exhausted, it was a rough game, lots of fouls, fast paced, and the other team definitely had a size advantage. Yet The Saint had the most rebounds even though hes one of the shortest players on our team! That was fun. Sadly though he didnt get any field goals, but had 7 points, thanks to free throws. haha look at me, making my blog into something about basketball!

Anyway, I guess it was after the game that my high started wearing off. I mean Im a student, working to get things done, moving forward to the unknown, and what do I really have. I have friends- which even though I love them sometimes I get frustrated or annoyed with them, but thats just life. I have a great family, parents who love me, a grandmother who would give me the world if she could, and 2 brothers who I adore, even to this day, usually. haha.
But I read my poems and I think I overthink lots of things, what does it really matter what people think of me? I need to be myself in order to be the person that I want to be, it comes from inside.
There are things in my past that I know were hard while I was going through them but I honestly dont remember all the things that I thought I would, something are clear, but mostly things are fading, fuzzy or maybe I have just plain blocked or written over some things.
Timmy was my first childhood crush and it lasted for what seemed a lifetime, but its over now, sure I loved him and I still think about him, but I cant tell you how glad I didnt end up with him. Or any of the other guys that I have liked over the years. Sure I think its hard not knowing about things that others know about and sure I may not know lots about relationships. But I have seen lots of relationships, and being the person that I am I read into how the people carry themselves, what is good about the relationship, what is something that I want, what do I not want. And so I have expectations, and I dont necessarily hold every person that I meet to those expectations, but rather I hold myself to the expectations. I dont want to change for a person and if I feel like I am changing too much then its not good, its not the person that I should be with. And I dont really see myself dating around. So though its hard, and not necessarily fun, I am working on being me, finding myself (and I have come a long way, but circumstances are always changing so I may not know myself 100%, and thats ok.) and letting people see me. Not a shy person, but rather a talkative one, and not always a happy person, but a person that always wants to make others smile, and not always a nice person, but a person who tells others when she is mad at them, or hits them out of frustration, or maybe gives them the silent treatment. And most recently a person who has come obsessed with the game of basketball and has even made her own stats sheet to take to and fill out at games. So this is me, being myself, and hoping that others will want to find a place in my life, whether its as friends, acquaintances, or other things. But no pressure, things will happen when they are meant to, and I may not be happy with the timing but I do believe that it will happen when I am truly ready, and until then I'll be the best me that there is.

Where are you Christmas?

I feel like that song, you know the one that Faith Hill sang for How the Grinch Stole Christmas several years ago? It seems as if this years Christmas is being forced, and thats not a good feeling. I dont like it. I just want to spend time with my family, hang out, why do schedules, people, and feelings have to get in the way? Or maybe its just me, maybe I really am growing up and things are changing. Hopefully for the better. I worry about my brothers, but I cant do anything more than just be there for them. And then there are my neices and nephews, my god those kids are the brightest lights in my life! Though its several years off, I cant wait to have my own kids.
And then theres school, finally I have good friends, real friends. I'm not saying that I didnt have real friends before, but I finally found a place for me, where I fit in with being nothing but myself, and do you realize how wonderful that is? People are no longer trying to convert me to Christianity, its kind of wonderful! I get to be me and these are the people that are gonna be in the nursing home with me in 70 years! :)

Beach beds, massages and shopping!

Time for me to play catch up, I have been really bad and neglected the past couple of days. So no I am gonna tell you all everything that has happened.
So, Wednesday- Dad had a tee time to play golf in San Jose at 9 and mom went with him to keep him company. I got the room ALL to myself! At first I just sat around, played on the computer and watched tv, but then I decided that I needed to be productive, so I started taking notes for Macroeconomics, its one of my classes next semester and I am really worried about it so I thought getting a head start might be a good idea. But I got bored taking notes in the room, so I packed everything up, got a Dr. Pepper from the little minimarket that the resort has and went to study on the beach beds. On my way down I passed a cute guy, who I have been eyeing all week, we shall call him Blue Swimmer and he said 'hey' to me, I was so shocked that he actually talked to me that I couldnt even respond, HAHA. Anyway, went to the beach beds to study, then mom and dad got back and we just hung out the rest of the day.
Thursday, mom and I got up and went to a beach where there was good snorkeling, she snorkeled and I people watched/ read my book. It was relaxing except I didnt have anything to lean back on and so my back got sore. Then we went and got our free massages, and it was WONDERFUL. Just plain great. And then we met a nice woman from Arkansas, her and her husband had retired and moved to Mexico and they were almost to the point where they could file for citizenship in Mexico. Anyway she told us some nice stories and such and then we caught the bus and went back to the hotel. Where we ate and just hung out for the rest of the evening.
Friday, we got up, went to Cabo San Lucas again and shopped, shot a nice wad. And then came back to the hotel ate lunch and then went to Cabo San Jose, which is the other town on the tip of the Baja Penninsula. San Jose is a bit more laid back. And we shopped some more, San Jose was a bit cheaper too, nice calm town. I bought a pretty blue dress in Cabo San Lucas and nice little things in San Jose.
Saturday was the day that we were flying out, so mom got up early and went snorkeling one last time, while dad and I slept in. And when mom got back it was about time to go. I dont know if I will ever be able to accurately describe just how much I like flying. Flying for me, is about half the fun of the whole trip, but then again I like driving too, maybe I am just a natural born traveler!
Anyway thats the last few days of Mexico.

Beach beds, Whale watching and Margaritas!

I will start with what we did yesterday and then I will add what we did today.
We started the day by doing yoga. The yoga class that the resort offers was taking place on the lawn below our balcony and we joined in, only we didnt bother going downstairs, nope we did yoga on our balcony! It was hilarious! Anyway, once we were sufficiently stretched out, we went swimming. We swam for probably a half hour and then just lolly gagged around the pool. Then we came back to the room and napped and read and just hung out the rest of the day, it was our "do nothing" day!
This morning we got up and got ready for our whale watching excursion. We caught the bus across the street from the hotel, let me tell you, ive never experienced anything like being in a Public Mexican bus! haha SUPER crowded, but people were pretty nice so I have no complaints.
We were dropped off by the bus in the middle of town and had to work our way to the marina to catch our boat- good thing we were early! Finding our way to the marina included stopping to buy sunscreen (because we didnt bring any- silly us) and kleenex for dad and walking through the very large mall that is right up against the marina. Then once we found the marina we had to walk ALL the way around it to find the slip of the boat that was taking us in our whale watching/ snorkeling excursion. This walk seriously probably took 20 minutes or more. BUt it wasnt too bad. Just a little hot. And once we got to dock M-O we were still about 1 hour early so we walked furhter and looked around at some of the little shops and sat at D'Joint restaraunt, and waited. There were 2-3 cute waiters and they were not afraid to dance to the fun Mexican music- let me tell you those boys could dance, and it made me smile! Then we went on our tour, there was the three of us and then another, older couple from Arkansas, and they were also staying at the same hotel as us, so that was fun. While watiting for departure we saw a sea lion mosey-ing around the marina, which was cool. Then once we were on our way, not even 15-25 minutes after we departed from the marina we saw a whale. It came up twice and then was gone, but hey at least we got to see it. It was an hour ride to the place that we were gonna stop to snorkel and along the way the crew had set up fishing poles. We caught two fish, the first one was fairly small and the lady from Arkansas reeled it in. The second one was about 20 pounds, a Mahi Mahi and mom got to reel it in! That was exciting, the crew even sliced it up and ade some sushi-salsa for lunch. Talk about FRESH food!! HAHA. And we saw another whale.
Once at the place for snorkeling, mom took off, dad slept and I read Eclipse. It was very relaxing. After the snorkeling hour was up we ate lunch and enjoyed our hour ride back to the marina. The food wasnt exactly food that I normally eat but I at least tried it. I found out that I really DONT like tunafish sandwhiches, and that the sushi-slasa that they made wasnt too bad. Though I still only had one bite. On the way back to the marina I kept reading Eclipse and then I took a nap.
Our crew members said that if there was a boat in the marina named "My Girl" it was Nicolas Cage's boat, I looked but didnt see it, which doesnt really mean anything because one could not possibly see ALL of the boats, the marina was HUGE. So we shopped in the mall for a hour or so and then made our way to a restaraunt called 'Mi Casa' where we met up with our friends from Arkansas, enjoyed a WONDERFUL dinner and where I had my first public alcoholic beverage, a Margarita. I could definitely taste the rum, but I only got a tiny bit tipsy. After the great dinner, and being serenaded by a man and his guitar- which was one of those funny-you-have-to-be-there-things, we caught a taxi and headed back to the hotel. We were all pooped and just lounged around after that, and eventually went to bed.

You only have 100 years to live.

Here is a picture of the sunset from our first night here.

First I will recap the rest of Saturday night and then I will go over what we did Sunday.
After the beautiful sunset on Sat. we headed down to dinner on the beach. Some of the best food I have ever had, I can actually EAT in Mexico- this is a good thing, since I normally have trouble finding food in foreign countries. And one of the waiters folded a napkin into the shape of a butterfly for me! How come it is latinos that always are flirting with me?! oh well. And after dinner we just came back to the room and pretty much crashed.
Sunday-
Well we met Manuel at the airport when we arrived and he promised us all kinds of goodies for free, things like Whale watching tours, a round of golf for dad and massages for both myself and mom. Plus a blanket and a beach bag. But to get these things we had to sit through a timeshare talk. So we did. It was a very interesting deal, you buy a timeshare and you have it for 100 years. We got there at 8:30 and got a free breakfast, and the talk lasted until 2 pm. Then the person that was trying to sell us the timeshare was kind enough to drive us to the Mega- like a Wal-mart, so that we could get food and she then took us back to the hotel. Her name was Helen, she is originally from Canada and has a slight Canandian twang to her voice. And we got to ride in her Escalade, yes for some reason that fact kind of excites me! lol.
When we finally got back to the resort, we were exhausted, haha, so mom and I went and layed on some of the beds that are near the beach and read til we got cold. Then we came back to the room had dinner and I watched tv. RENT came on, and that was SUPER exciting!
Today I think I will finally go swimming! I will read some on the beach beds again and we might go into town. :)

Viva La Mexico!

We made it, I am sitting in one half of the room at the resort that we are going to be staying in for the next week in MEXICO! The day started super early and I got the best sleep on an airplane that I think I have ever had! And it was on a plane that my dad couldnt even stand up straight in! :)
So we started out at 4am Kentucky time and went to the airport, got everything checked in, had our annual Starbucks as we are departing and finally we departed. The plane was super small, but I slept most of the time so it doesnt even matter! Our first flight took us to Houston where we had a 4 hour layover, and this is where I started my first photography project that Calli has assigned me with my BRAND spanking new camera, if I get a chance I will upload pictures! That was interesting, and then I decided to take creepy stalker pictures- and that was super fun too! I pretended that I was taking pictures of my parents and just oh so carefully made my focus something or someone else!
The plane from Houston to Los Cabos was bigger, and we each got to have a row of 3 seats to ourself, which was SOOO nice. Mom layed out on her three seats, dad just sat normally, and I sat right in the middle of the row and took up as much space on the seats that I could will all of my STUFF! haha. We got into Mexico, got our passports stamped and then went looking for a ride to our resort. Here is where things get interesting, we met a nice man name Manuel, and he was saying that we could get lots of free things if we just listened to his speech tomorrow at breakfast. Sounds fine except that we have to meet him outside of the gates of our resort. I hope nothing goes bad, because he was working at the bus counter at the airport and we did make it safely to our hotel and all, but still it seems a bit off. Oh well, if this goes through we get free whale watching, dad gets a free round of golf- mom gets to be a passenger, and then mom and I each get a free 1/2 hour massage, how bad can it get huh?! I just hope it is all legal and such.
On to the more fun facts. The first thing that I see coming into the airport is a large building with Corona- as in the beer, scrawled all over it. Good times. The first thing my parents ask when we check in is whether or not I am old enough to drink- which I am, legal age is 18 in Mexico, and when my parents found this out their response was to get me sloshed! How wonderful right? The sad thing is that for the first time ever I have screamed NO! lol. So we will see how this goes! One of the hotel policies is to put a wrist band on every guest- I saw it and was immediately reminded of Katrina (for those of you who dont know her, she is a friend from Transy). So it looks as if we all have those hospital wristbands on! AND the first thing that we got to see on TV here in Mexico? UK vs. IU basketball game!
Now we are all just relaxing, and I just saw one of the most gorgeous sunsets ever! - No worries, I got LOTS of pictures!
Hasta Luego!

In Thanks

Things that I am Thankful for:
family
friends
animals that are full of love all the time
music to heal the soul
Basketball
my voice- that sometimes fails me, but its still nice to have one
the children of my life, that are growing up SO fast- soon they will be young adults
heartache- because even though its not fun, its a part of life, and it means that i love something
movies- ones that just put you in whatever mood you feel like you need to be in
the fact that i have a family that loves me
I have so much to live for, and for that I am thankful.

I am troubled though by things that maybe I do that hurt my family and friends, and I wish only that I didnt do them, but I am human and I do make mistakes, so I am sorry.

Trying to stay peaceful

I am sitting in the library at Transy. Its not because I want to be here or even because that I feel that I need to be here to get work done. No, today I am in the library to get away from everything else, and mostly so that I don't go and sit in my room and have a pity party for myself. Is it sad that I sit in the library to avoid my own personal pity party? Eh, it really doesnt matter all that much.
After much nagging by my mother, and really needing to go talk to my Econ Professor, I did actually go to his office to talk to him about my past grade. I was first struck by the amount of STUFF- papers, projects, books- that he had in his office, stacked everywhere, it was actually quite comfortable. But thats where the comfort ended. I got a 60 on the last test, which was brought up to a 65 but still, thats a D and I dont like D's. So I asked him what I could do different, his answer? Spend 4 hours a day outside of class rather than the 1-2 that I am already spending. I cried, yes, as my usual when I go see a professor and dont understand why I am pretty much failing. No, I am not failing his class, in fact I have a fairly nice B, but I still feel like a failure. And all I can think was that I would have been just as lost, and confused and had the same feeling of failure had I not gone and seen him, now its just a deeper sense of failure. I still dont really know what went wrong with the last test, but I do know that I get to go back and read all the information all over again and again. I'm just really upset that he couldnt give me any pointers. Oh well, live and learn right? At least he complimented me on my attitiude towards the class as well as my preparedness for class discussion and such. Maybe that will help bump me to a B+, considering I do well on the final.
Besides Econ, I am just ready to get off campus for a while. I need a break from people, and even my room isnt a place for me to hide right now. Oh well, it will come soon enough, for now though, I must get back to the 100+ pages I have to read for cell and molec. Thats my vent for the day.

I just can't help myself

This morning I got up early to work on my 5 page paper that is due tomorrow. I wasn't getting much done in my room so I decided to go to the local Panera to get some work done. While eating my bagel and settling into my surroundings, I was people watching. I observed a middle aged man, sitting with who I assume to be his wife and possibly daughter. When the younger woman got up from the table this man also stood up. Then when he and his wife were preparing to leave, he got up and help out her coat in order to help her get dressed. Apparently all the gentlemen haven't all gone! I am not one that likes those particular things necessarily but rarely do you get to see them happen in real life!
Anyway, this isn't the only time I have seen some great demonstrations of good men in the past couple of days. Last night a couple of friends and I went to the Transy/Centre basketball game. Transy won, by 2 points. But again, I was people watching. Two of my classmates, who happen to be dating showed up. The girl, had knee surgery just this past week and her boyfriend, well he was very caring. When they walked in he was carrying her purse, then he went and got her food, then he brought her meds to her, he watched over her, making sure that others didnt jostle her knee, but he wasn't hovering. Thats what I feel the most important thing was, no he was standing with his friends, but he would come check on her every 15 minutes or so. It was just pretty darn sweet.
Another thing that happened at the game, happened during halftime. One of Centre's most recent alums came out on the floor, and he proposed to his girlfriend. I gotta say, that would be the BEST proposal in my book! I can only hope that the guy that I end up with would do something similar, I mean baseball games- yea those happen. But proposing at halftime of your College's biggest rivalry game? That was just amazing!
Well, those are my thoughts on the day thus far. I now have to work on the paper that I came to Panera to work on!
Maybe one of these days I will find myself one of the gentlemen that still exist in this world!

And Death hits again

Yes, I am experiencing yet another death in my life. My neighbor, George, who was like a grandfather to me has passed away. So many of my childhood memories involve George, and this is almost as important as losing my grandma last year. I think that I have reacted to every death in the past year and a half differently, this time I threw myself into listening to music, when my grandma died my friends surrounded me and had me watch a movie.
What to say about George? He was such an interesting person, definately a southern white man, and someone who was always watching out for me and the rest of the kids in the neighborhood. I remember his chicken coop, and Amber (our shepherd) stealing chickens, I remember riding on his tractor and steering, watching him dig his ponds, trying to teach me to shoot a gun, giving me a puff of a cigarette at age 5 (which was pretty much the best way to keep me from smoking), hanging out in his shop, and all his woodwork. That man was there for everything, my first birthday, helping my mom build things, always a gardener, and watching out for the neighborhood. He followed a vagrant, was there when Shawn fell over his handlebars and knocked out his two front teeth. Eggs, we would always go to his shop and raid his chicken eggs. He was always working on something and mom and I would frequently watch, just for the heck of it. Walking through his shop was like walking into a store where everything was made or fixed by hand. A good ol' boy, he would stop me on my way to the bus stop at 6am and tell me stories about his childhood and riding horses. The smell of his house was unique, and so familiar and cozy. Running over one of his weeping willows with the golf cart- breaking the golf cart but not reall hurting the tree. Chasing horses in his field. Deedee his mean pitbull.
Bottom line? I am going to miss this person, he was probably the best example of a grandfather that has been present throughout my life.
Goodbye George.

Getting my feelings out there

Yes, I was happy with the way the election turned out, but even if it had gone the other way I would have been supportive. I am not a fan of politics and I am not always a fan of the US but I am supportive, and I am not going to move away because an election turned out opposite of what I wanted. I am worried about one thing though, and thats the fact that the democrats have majority in both the house and the senate and we now have a democratic president. For me, this says two things. One: the people have spoken and they are ready for something different, they are ready to let the government try something different, more power to us. But on the other hand, will a democratic majority in both the house and the senate be beneficial? I dont know, we will find out.
Another thing that I wanted to touch on was how everyone is different. America strives on saying that we are accepting, and look we even have an African American president elect but acceptance is more than skin color. I have several gay friends and a few states have taken away more rights for gay people, to me thats not being accepting. And then theres the people who want to move to Canada because Obama got elected, well Canada HAS gay marriage, and Canada HAS universal health care, the only thing you are getting away from is the stuggles to move towards that.
And abortion, I respect how people feel, but that doesnt mean that I understand it. Why would you want to take away a woman's right to choose? As my mom says, "Shouldn't every child be a wanted child?", if you get rid of abortion you are allowing people to bring unwanted children in this world, and yes, putting the children up for adoption is a viable choice but SO many children are orphans in this world, if we keep abortion we are giving the current orphans a better chance. A person that I am very close to had an abortion, and it was the best decision for her at the time, granted she says she would never do that again, but it was what was needed at that point in her life. And honestly, though it might be odd, I think that knowing someone who has had an abortion is a good thing. There is something to be said for going against the grain, and doing what is best for oneself rather than what the world tells you to do.

At the end of the day, my message through this rant is that I respect everyone, and their right of free speech, but we are Americans and we need to support each other, even if we don't agree. If we show other countries that people who disagree on politics can get along and live together in a single country, think of the positive role model that the US becomes. No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes, but learning to overcome and work together is a more important and valuable skill that we need to learn. So heres to the change, to everyone's differences, and looking toward a better future for my friends who are gay- hopefully people will come around, eventually.